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Feeling unattracted to my NT gf

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emlion
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14 Mar 2011, 8:24 am

gawd, if my boyfriend wrote this thread about me - well he wouldn't have his balls for long.



keira
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14 Mar 2011, 8:24 am

Aspie1 wrote:
hale_bopp wrote:
Aspie1 wrote:
I was in the same situations as yours multiple times. And each each time, I'd man up, get over myself, date the girl who likes me, be thankful for it, and treat her well. In the end, she's have the relationship that she wants, I'd have the relationship that I want, she'd get the romance she's looking for, I'd get the sex that I'm looking for, and everyone is happy.

So basically you condone using her, no wonder you all have problems with relationships.

Hell no! "Using" is not the right word here. How can I be "using" a girl if I give her all the commitment, romance, and gifts she desires, in exchange for being in a relationship? And if you think I'll drop my current girlfriend the minute a better-looking girl shows interest in me, you're mistaken! It's way better to keep an existing relationship going, where you already invested time and effort, rather than start a new one that's still simply a promise.


Commitment, forced romance and gifts are not enough to make a girl happy. Every girl should feel desired in a relationship. I would never wish to be in a relationship with someone who would be physically attracted to all my friends but not to me. It's unfair, disrespectful and hurtful. If OP is staying in a relationship with that girl just for the sake of having a relationship then he's ripping that girl of a chance to find someone who would desire her and would want her the way she is.



alone
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14 Mar 2011, 8:30 am

emlion wrote:
gawd, if my boyfriend wrote this thread about me - well he wouldn't have his balls for long.



rock the f**k on

this is humiliating...karma is a b***h bro



Janissy
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14 Mar 2011, 10:46 am

Space wrote:
So I have been with this NT woman for close to two months. In many ways, she is a very good catch. She is very educated, has a job coming to her upon graduation, speaks 3 languages, plays piano, and is a very good cook. She also enjoys sex and doesn't want kids (at least she claims to not want them)... these two things are important to me.

The biggest problem is, I don't find myself that physically attracted to her. She isn't ugly, but I just don't find her sexy. She seems to have gained weight since we got together, and quickly has stopped trying appearance-wise. She had a dinner party last night with a selection of her friends... There were probably about 5 of them that I would much rather sleep with than her. I kept thinking "she wants me to play the bf role, but I just don't get excited by her... and it makes it weird. Let alone when there's other women in the room that I do find very attractive."I definitely find her less attractive when I'm out in public with her and see other women (be they her friends or strangers)...


She seems to have gained weight in slightly less than 2 months? That's implausibly quick for visible weight gain, unless she started a prescription medication that causes it. A more likely explanation is that she weighs exactly the same today as she did when you started dating her but your fear of commitment (not wanting to "play the bf role") is making you imagine a physical reason for not being attracted to her.

Break up with her now. This needs to end for both your sakes.



Eingana
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14 Mar 2011, 11:25 am

My first instinct is to say "Space, be nice to the girl and say that you just want to be friends with her because at this moment in time its all a bit to much". No one gets massively hurt and who knows whats down the line. You may find that over time the feelings are rekindled or you just both carry on with your life's and could of get a friend out of all of this.



Volodja
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14 Mar 2011, 12:29 pm

End it.

Who wants to be with someone they're not attracted to and who wants to be with someone who isn't attracted to them (in fact, finds their friends significantly more attractive)?

I don't get what there is to discuss. Just because she seems good for you on paper (likes sex, doesn't want kids, good education blah blah) doesn't mean you have to be with her

Think about this: how would you feel if you found out she wanted to f**k all your friends more than you? Would you still wanna be with her then? I sure as hell wouldn't



The_Face_of_Boo
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14 Mar 2011, 12:33 pm

^ a solution: Suggest an open relationship! f*****g with no restriction.



hale_bopp
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15 Mar 2011, 3:16 am

Aspie1 wrote:
hale_bopp wrote:
Aspie1 wrote:
I was in the same situations as yours multiple times. And each each time, I'd man up, get over myself, date the girl who likes me, be thankful for it, and treat her well. In the end, she's have the relationship that she wants, I'd have the relationship that I want, she'd get the romance she's looking for, I'd get the sex that I'm looking for, and everyone is happy.

So basically you condone using her, no wonder you all have problems with relationships.

Hell no! "Using" is not the right word here. How can I be "using" a girl if I give her all the commitment, romance, and gifts she desires, in exchange for being in a relationship? And if you think I'll drop my current girlfriend the minute a better-looking girl shows interest in me, you're mistaken! It's way better to keep an existing relationship going, where you already invested time and effort, rather than start a new one that's still simply a promise.


Well the same doesn't apply here. This guy will drop this girl as soon as he sniffs out a better one.



Bimin
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15 Mar 2011, 12:19 pm

When I was in a serious relationship I came across the same predicament, I entered the relationship out of genuine feelings for her but I was never really turned on by her, after four months I lost attraction, I still loved her though and we stayed together for a year, she wanted to study abroad and I knew I couldn't deal with a long distance relationship, I couldn't go with her either so we decided it was for the best.
I am not sure if that is a hot and cold thing that has to do with aspergers or not. If I am fortunate to find a girl that I am extremely attracted to I believe that I could stay with her for the rest of my life, so far haven't made a relationship past two years and in most of the relationships I have not been extremely attracted to my girlfriends, except for one who wound up cheating on me. . .



Space
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15 Mar 2011, 9:26 pm

ok I think I am attracted to her again. She did some nice things for me, and I think she is starting to get in shape again.



hale_bopp
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15 Mar 2011, 9:43 pm

In two days?

Seems like you're just trying to convince yourself that so you seem like less of an arse to yourself and others.



Tias
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16 Mar 2011, 5:55 am

If you cheat you might aswell go around with a sign that says you're the scum of the earth, just so you know.

As for your gf.
Have a talk with her.
Being in a relationship where one is not happy isn't good.
But it sounds like you're only in it for the sex or something, if so, get a hooker instead



alone
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16 Mar 2011, 11:48 am

Space wrote:
ok I think I am attracted to her again. She did some nice things for me, and I think she is starting to get in shape again.


omgosh that is great....you should send me her email and maybe I could send her some tips on getting more of that weight off so she can keep you xx

((girl get that donut out of your mouth))



TheWeirdPig
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16 Mar 2011, 12:41 pm

Space wrote:
ok I think I am attracted to her again. She did some nice things for me, and I think she is starting to get in shape again.


Go with this. Your attitude can make a huge difference. She's trying . . . and so should you :D

. . . and there's been a lot of negativity on this thread. Keep looking forward.



Lene
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16 Mar 2011, 2:26 pm

alone wrote:
Space wrote:
ok I think I am attracted to her again. She did some nice things for me, and I think she is starting to get in shape again.


omgosh that is great....you should send me her email and maybe I could send her some tips on getting more of that weight off so she can keep you xx

((girl get that donut out of your mouth))


Yeah, let's make a graph for her showing the correlation between her weight and your feelings towards her!



emlion
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16 Mar 2011, 2:32 pm

jeez. woo lets get skinny to please men. :roll: