Page 4 of 6 [ 89 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6  Next

ntgrl
Snowy Owl
Snowy Owl

User avatar

Joined: 22 Sep 2009
Age: 51
Gender: Female
Posts: 155

19 Mar 2011, 11:05 pm

ToadOfSteel wrote:
It's time for those of you out there that blame others for your own problems to man up and accept this. I know it's hard to do that, but that's what distinguishes the men from the boys (or the women from the girls, whichever your case may be).


:cheers:

What you said in that statement was awesome! However you are not unloveable, you are just young and have not met the right person yet.



chinatown
Toucan
Toucan

User avatar

Joined: 14 Jul 2006
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 251

20 Mar 2011, 3:00 pm

techstepgenr8tion wrote:
technically the faults aren't anyone's, neither those who aren't reacting nor those who aren't acting in ways that trigger good reactions.

That is true, but it's not always the positive thing people make it out to be. For every straight sociopathic male, there's a straight sociopathic female (for the sake of argument, let's assume the sex ratio is 1:1). For every person looking to get beat up, there's a person looking for someone to beat up.

But even if an abusive, narcissistic, clingy or otherwise troubled person is able to find a partner, do you think the partner respects them? Do you think they respect themselves? Would they be together if one of them got their act together, eg. by getting sober or growing a backbone?

You can't cure yourself of sociopathy (or Asperger's, for that matter), but you can cure yourself of as*hole syndrome and learned helplessness.


_________________
Enchantment!


techstepgenr8tion
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 6 Feb 2005
Age: 45
Gender: Male
Posts: 24,510
Location: 28th Path of Tzaddi

20 Mar 2011, 3:30 pm

You can do all kinds of great things for yourself to enhance the quality of your life - I'm completely with you there and something of an avid growth and self-improvement junky. At the same time though I've had to realize that what's happened in my own dating life has been too surreal to explained by anything that I'm doing and I would have to agree with those who'd perhaps not blame an attitude or set of habits but rather that men and women are different, we tend to gravitate toward those who we can relate to and what a lot of guys and girls have in common with Asperger's - we have outlying personalities that give most people headaches. Yes, a guy's virility and provider/protector status count but also, if you're way of thinking or general mode of life is too different at the core from the opposite sex or a certain type of emotional interaction that they love ends up being something you intellectualize to their chagrin, not because you're better or worse but just different from them, you have different needs, they have different needs, and I can easily believe that lots of people - AS or NT - can be very successful, be great people, have decent if not great social skills, and go nowhere in the relationship world. They're typically more autonomous people, people who also have high intelligence and lose about 9/10 people simply because they get bored with anything less than an equal there in most cases, and often enough they're great at asserting themselves or seeming like solid/upright people but seem even 7th grade awkard at showing interest (and funny enough that ineptitude doesn't come from not giving effort to attaining social skills, it comes from being on a different fundamental frame or POV, and ultimately it occasionally be faked around but inherent differences don't go away) - I've known the full gammit from Aspie guys and girls to some incredibly attractive NT's who simply had too big of identities, too rich an inner world, and when they looked for the type of person who could add to their life it simply wasn't available, thus they more often end up with a circle of very close friends for decades (as I have as well) and getting their fuel platonically.

I know that talking about the evolution game sounds like the conversation it more eugenic, I think there's that element but when you see that almost any kind of outlier is between a rock and hard place with relationships, you realize that - as an understanding of evolution would imply - its a non-thinking process that jettisons anything that isn't normative, at least psychologically.


_________________
The loneliest part of life: it's not just that no one is on your cloud, few can even see your cloud.


aussiebloke
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 14 Oct 2009
Age: 48
Gender: Male
Posts: 6,407

01 Nov 2012, 8:05 pm

emlion wrote:
but didn't you know..

Image


That's one (polite) way of putting it apparently even on a autism forum I was asked to remove my thoughts on such matters :roll: on what I think of women in relationships, i voluntarily complied . I wont repeat it.


_________________
Theirs a subset of America, adult males who are forgoing ambition ,sex , money ,love ,adventure to sit in a darkened rooms mastering video games - Suicide Bob


LKL
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 21 Jul 2007
Age: 48
Gender: Female
Posts: 7,402

01 Nov 2012, 10:51 pm

^I actually thought that was pretty funny, even though I'm a pretty strident feminist. It's also a joke about how math can be used to 'prove' anything.



MXH
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 28 Jul 2010
Age: 33
Gender: Male
Posts: 13,057
Location: Here i stand and face the rain

01 Nov 2012, 10:55 pm

Image



smudge
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 6 Sep 2006
Age: 37
Gender: Female
Posts: 7,716
Location: Moved on

02 Nov 2012, 8:41 am

I thought this was an old thread. Toadofsteel hasn't posted in ages. I wonder what's happened to him. I used to like him.



Blammo
Sea Gull
Sea Gull

User avatar

Joined: 9 Sep 2012
Age: 36
Gender: Male
Posts: 217
Location: Chico, California

02 Nov 2012, 9:49 am

Dial-up still exists? Fo real?


_________________
Since everyone else has this on their signatures.. might as well conform:

Your Aspie score: 121 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 107 of 200 You seem to have both Aspie and neurotypical traits


Shatbat
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 19 Feb 2012
Age: 31
Gender: Male
Posts: 5,791
Location: Where two great rivers meet

02 Nov 2012, 11:41 am

Nice necro. I saw both Face of Boo and Magnus Rex, so it threw me off for a bit. From the content of the OP, seems like L&D hasn't changed that much :lol:


_________________
To build may have to be the slow and laborious task of years. To destroy can be the thoughtless act of a single day. - Winston Churchill


WantToHaveALife
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 16 Sep 2012
Age: 36
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,189
Location: California, United States

02 Nov 2012, 4:54 pm

ToadOfSteel wrote:
It's long past time that all the guys here stop blaming others for their own problems. Whether it is an individual or a group of people or an entire gender, the fact remains that the problems are our own.

There is a subtle difference between discussing an issue that might involve gender differences and outright blaming an entire gender. I, for one, say that women just don't like me. But you don't see me blaming them for it. I've long since stepped up and accepted that I'm unlovable; I'm the one with a problem, not them. I can also freely admit i have a bit of a jealousy problem, and I feel bitter at those who are fortunate enough to be able to get into and manage a relationship, but again, it's not their fault i'm unlovable either.

It's time for those of you out there that blame others for your own problems to man up and accept this. I know it's hard to do that, but that's what distinguishes the men from the boys (or the women from the girls, whichever your case may be).


seriously, everything or just about everything is a mans fault but almost never a womans, seriously, it's like as if women are born, or just have to be born being able to get a relationship, a boyfriend, but men have to develop becoming boyfriend, relationship material, well the majority but very few men probably are



billiscool
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 5 Feb 2006
Age: 41
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,989

03 Nov 2012, 3:09 pm

yes, the fun thing about dating. Yeah, recently I've been looking at myself and trying to improve myself for the ladies. So Im not starting a conversation about adam sandler. really busting my ass off and really,really trying to do better but at the end of the day.
It all BS. Yeah, I comb my hair, I read how to talk to the ladies, do some sit ups and go out there and bust my ass to talk to some 20 year ladies who probaly already has a boyfriend or is a lesbian, or hates guys who look like me. I do all that stuff for the ladies but
yet women can stay the same, talking about worst stuff than I do, and just stand there looking at the floor and eating their hair and some hot, cool, rich guy will go up to them and ask them out and then finaly married them.
Look Im wwe fan, so some of you may understand my ranting. But the end of the day. The ducks are still awesome.



Keyman
Velociraptor
Velociraptor

User avatar

Joined: 23 Feb 2012
Age: 30
Gender: Male
Posts: 443

03 Nov 2012, 3:53 pm

The "blame" might be yourself, or others. But it's better to just try to find out what's wrong and just fix without any blinders or pride in the way. Obviously some people manages it, the difference is the key.
I think body language is key and the realization that some people that look very attractive has a very bad behavior and should be avoided.

But just plainly blaming oneself is just self defeating.



aussiebloke
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 14 Oct 2009
Age: 48
Gender: Male
Posts: 6,407

04 Nov 2012, 6:59 pm

Shatbat wrote:
Nice necro. I saw both Face of Boo and Magnus Rex, so it threw me off for a bit. From the content of the OP, seems like L&D hasn't changed that much :lol:


Thanks I've done better .


_________________
Theirs a subset of America, adult males who are forgoing ambition ,sex , money ,love ,adventure to sit in a darkened rooms mastering video games - Suicide Bob


Who_Am_I
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 27 Aug 2005
Age: 41
Gender: Female
Posts: 12,632
Location: Australia

04 Nov 2012, 8:10 pm

billiscool wrote:
yes, the fun thing about dating. Yeah, recently I've been looking at myself and trying to improve myself for the ladies. So Im not starting a conversation about adam sandler. really busting my ass off and really,really trying to do better but at the end of the day.
It all BS. Yeah, I comb my hair, I read how to talk to the ladies, do some sit ups and go out there and bust my ass to talk to some 20 year ladies who probaly already has a boyfriend or is a lesbian, or hates guys who look like me. I do all that stuff for the ladies but
yet women can stay the same, talking about worst stuff than I do, and just stand there looking at the floor and eating their hair and some hot, cool, rich guy will go up to them and ask them out and then finaly married them.
Look Im wwe fan, so some of you may understand my ranting. But the end of the day. The ducks are still awesome.


Not quite, but if you want to keep mistaking movies for reality...


_________________
Music Theory 101: Cadences.
Authentic cadence: V-I
Plagal cadence: IV-I
Deceptive cadence: V- ANYTHING BUT I ! !! !
Beethoven cadence: V-I-V-I-V-V-V-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I
-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I! I! I! I I I


DerStadtschutz
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 5 Sep 2011
Age: 38
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,467

05 Nov 2012, 12:07 am

Blammo wrote:
Dial-up still exists? Fo real?


Naw, bro. They removed all the phone lines and replaced them with holograms to fool you.



BlueMax
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 27 Aug 2007
Age: 50
Gender: Male
Posts: 5,285

05 Nov 2012, 12:15 am

DerStadtschutz wrote:
Blammo wrote:
Dial-up still exists? Fo real?


Naw, bro. They removed all the phone lines and replaced them with holograms to fool you.


Some people live far away from cities...

There's no excuse for dial-up in the city though... basic ~1megabit internet by itself is cheaper than a landline!