Why do women find confidence attractive?

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Fnord
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02 May 2011, 10:21 pm

Another reason why anyone might find a confident attitude attractive: Lack of self-confidence is sometimes mis-construed as having something to hide. So if you can't look your crush in the eye, then it is likely that he or she will think that you are hiding something that you are ashamed of.


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MCalavera
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02 May 2011, 10:32 pm

bucephalus wrote:
MCalavera wrote:
It's a good for a girl to be confident, but it's not something that necessarily attracts me to a girl.

To me, kindness and loyalty and respect are much more important. Yes, I'm your typical Middle Eastern dude,


Well I kind expect those things as standard. I think that people who are truly confident tend to have kindness, loyalty and respect built in


It could be true.



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02 May 2011, 10:46 pm

quiet confidence can be quite sexy in both men and women. the man or woman who walks into a room and gets noticed before even speaking a word is probably brimming with confidence. it sends the message that the person believes themselves to be worthwhile and worth knowing - and that draws other people over to them.


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02 May 2011, 10:51 pm

bucephalus wrote:
I find confidence attractive in women - I like someone strong-minded, a challenge so to speak. Does this make me a woman?

it makes you seem highly attractive, actually. some women like to be able to show confidence and security and assertiveness without worrying that men will be bothered about it.

are you confident?


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02 May 2011, 10:54 pm

swbluto wrote:
Bethie wrote:
I don't know that this is a gender issue, per se.

I see guys all the time, including here, declaring that they want a woman who's confident, and not one who's insecure.

For me, that makes it seem hopeless.


Haha. Trust me, as a female, you have nothing to fear. The vast majority of females are insecure but yet, somehow, over 85% of all females historically have been in some kind of relationship as implied by the same percentage having given birth. And that's double the amount of males, historically, with descendants living today.

this isn't an accurate *modern* statistic though, seeing as how most men no longer die in war and few people are polygamists. it can't be easier for women, as in western society women are statistically equally likely to remain unpaired.


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MCalavera
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02 May 2011, 10:57 pm

hyperlexian wrote:
quiet confidence can be quite sexy in both men and women. the man or woman who walks into a room and gets noticed before even speaking a word is probably brimming with confidence. it sends the message that the person believes themselves to be worthwhile and worth knowing - and that draws other people over to them.


Yes, it's the body language these people tend to adopt that gets people around them subconsciously gravitated to them.



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02 May 2011, 11:12 pm

hyperlexian wrote:
bucephalus wrote:
I find confidence attractive in women - I like someone strong-minded, a challenge so to speak. Does this make me a woman?

it makes you seem highly attractive, actually. some women like to be able to show confidence and security and assertiveness without worrying that men will be bothered about it.

are you confident?


That is a good question. I'm very chatty, I like to have a laugh and banter - sometimes even with complete strangers, so I'm confident in that sense. But on the other hand, I don't pay attention to my appearance, I say 'er yes' when I mean 'no' and I don't like to inconvenience people in any way. If you mean confident in a dating context then, nope. I'm not rushing though


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hyperlexian
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02 May 2011, 11:16 pm

bucephalus wrote:
hyperlexian wrote:
bucephalus wrote:
I find confidence attractive in women - I like someone strong-minded, a challenge so to speak. Does this make me a woman?

it makes you seem highly attractive, actually. some women like to be able to show confidence and security and assertiveness without worrying that men will be bothered about it.

are you confident?


That is a good question. I'm very chatty, I like to have a laugh and banter - sometimes even with complete strangers, so I'm confident in that sense. But on the other hand, I don't pay attention to my appearance, I say 'er yes' when I mean 'no' and I don't like to inconvenience people in any way. If you mean confident in a dating context then, nope. I'm not rushing though

i meant at first glance, so you answered my question. i do best in large groups, because then i can joke around and such. in tiny groups or one-on-one i fail because i can't have a laugh as much. but i am often hiding behind my hair or looking at the ground if i am just walking or something, so i imagine i look insecure at first glance. maybe i am a mixture.


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02 May 2011, 11:20 pm

hyperlexian wrote:
swbluto wrote:
Bethie wrote:
I don't know that this is a gender issue, per se.

I see guys all the time, including here, declaring that they want a woman who's confident, and not one who's insecure.

For me, that makes it seem hopeless.


Haha. Trust me, as a female, you have nothing to fear. The vast majority of females are insecure but yet, somehow, over 85% of all females historically have been in some kind of relationship as implied by the same percentage having given birth. And that's double the amount of males, historically, with descendants living today.

this isn't an accurate *modern* statistic though, seeing as how most men no longer die in war and few people are polygamists. it can't be easier for women, as in western society women are statistically equally likely to remain unpaired.


I'd like to see your sources, as there's still a dating unbalance between the sexes that remains.

Here's an irrelevant but yet fun statistic: Over the last decade and for those under the age of 24, there has been an increase of 7% of females under the age of 24 who are abstinent whereas there has been an increase of 22% among males. What does this imply? You take some percentage of males out of the dating pool and a significantly smaller percentage of females are removed indicating the unbalance remains.

(Speculating, I believe porn and the rise of high-speed internet over the past decade was responsible for the 22% increase in virginity in guys under 24, and the decrease of guys in the dating pool itself resulted in the 7% decrease in females.)



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02 May 2011, 11:30 pm

swbluto wrote:
hyperlexian wrote:
swbluto wrote:
Bethie wrote:
I don't know that this is a gender issue, per se.

I see guys all the time, including here, declaring that they want a woman who's confident, and not one who's insecure.

For me, that makes it seem hopeless.


Haha. Trust me, as a female, you have nothing to fear. The vast majority of females are insecure but yet, somehow, over 85% of all females historically have been in some kind of relationship as implied by the same percentage having given birth. And that's double the amount of males, historically, with descendants living today.

this isn't an accurate *modern* statistic though, seeing as how most men no longer die in war and few people are polygamists. it can't be easier for women, as in western society women are statistically equally likely to remain unpaired.


I'd like to see your sources, as there's still a dating unbalance between the sexes that remains.

Here's an irrelevant but yet fun statistic: Over the last decade and for those under the age of 24, there has been an increase of 7% of females under the age of 24 who are abstinent whereas there has been an increase of 22% among males. What does this imply? You take some percentage of males out of the dating pool and a significantly smaller percentage of females are removed indicating the unbalance remains.

(Speculating, I believe porn and the rise of high-speed internet over the past decade was responsible for the 22% increase in virginity in guys under 24, and the decrease of guys in the dating pool itself resulted in the 7% decrease in females.)

sources of what? there literally must be an equal number of men and women married, as they are married.... to each other. polygamists, early death, and gay marriage skew the results a little, but given a society with an equal number of men and women, there statistically cannot be more single men than women.


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02 May 2011, 11:58 pm

if you really want to have some fun, there is an equally interesting concept involving the average number of heterosexual sex partners...

in a closed group of 5 men and 5 women (must be an equal number), let's assume that there is 1 woman who likes sex and 4 who remain virgins. that 1 woman sleeps with all 5 men. so the men have an average of 1 sex partner each, and the women have an average of... 1 sex partner each.

the average number of sex partners across both men and women MUST be identical in a closed group.

real-life is not perfect like that because sometimes there are variations in the numbers of men and women in a given city or society. also men or women may be more mobile and mate with people in another group. but if there is one city, for example, with more male that have sexual partners on average, then there must be a city that has women who have more sexual partners to balance it out.

whenever you see a statistic that places the averages as wildly different across genders, you can be fairly certain that subjects were bullshitting when they gave their answers. the same is not true for medians and such, but definitely for averages.

someone explained it quite well in these places:

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index ... 909AAa3ANU
http://wiki.answers.com/Q/Studies_histo ... with_women

sorry, OT


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03 May 2011, 12:01 am

hyperlexian wrote:
swbluto wrote:
hyperlexian wrote:
swbluto wrote:
Bethie wrote:
I don't know that this is a gender issue, per se.

I see guys all the time, including here, declaring that they want a woman who's confident, and not one who's insecure.

For me, that makes it seem hopeless.


Haha. Trust me, as a female, you have nothing to fear. The vast majority of females are insecure but yet, somehow, over 85% of all females historically have been in some kind of relationship as implied by the same percentage having given birth. And that's double the amount of males, historically, with descendants living today.

this isn't an accurate *modern* statistic though, seeing as how most men no longer die in war and few people are polygamists. it can't be easier for women, as in western society women are statistically equally likely to remain unpaired.


I'd like to see your sources, as there's still a dating unbalance between the sexes that remains.

Here's an irrelevant but yet fun statistic: Over the last decade and for those under the age of 24, there has been an increase of 7% of females under the age of 24 who are abstinent whereas there has been an increase of 22% among males. What does this imply? You take some percentage of males out of the dating pool and a significantly smaller percentage of females are removed indicating the unbalance remains.

(Speculating, I believe porn and the rise of high-speed internet over the past decade was responsible for the 22% increase in virginity in guys under 24, and the decrease of guys in the dating pool itself resulted in the 7% decrease in females.)

sources of what? there literally must be an equal number of men and women married, as they are married.... to each other. polygamists, early death, and gay marriage skew the results a little, but given a society with an equal number of men and women, there statistically cannot be more single men than women.


Weird. Looking online, I found statistics suggesting there are more virgin females than virgin males at a particular age.

Quote:
The CDC also reports that by age 19, 80% of men and 75% of women have lost their virginity.


Also, another source that I can't immediately find said there were 71 single men to 100 single women. So, yeah, I guess females do have it worse. That's pretty different from years past. :/ This is definitely worth a deeper investigation considering that a significant reversal in the dating/sexual-intercourse ratio over the past century is a bit ... interesting. (And makes me feel damn lucky to be a hot, handsome, studdy, stallion of a guy.)



Last edited by swbluto on 03 May 2011, 8:00 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Bethie
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03 May 2011, 12:27 am

swbluto wrote:
Bethie wrote:
I don't know that this is a gender issue, per se.

I see guys all the time, including here, declaring that they want a woman who's confident, and not one who's insecure.

For me, that makes it seem hopeless.


Haha. Trust me, as a female, you have nothing to fear. The vast majority of females are insecure but yet, somehow, over 85% of all females historically have been in some kind of relationship as implied by the same percentage having given birth. And that's double the amount of males, historically, with descendants living today.


Glad I amuse you.

Silly me- I should have specified:
some of us are looking for more than a few minutes of sweaty humping.


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03 May 2011, 12:38 am

Bethie wrote:
Glad I amuse you.

Silly me- I should have specified:
some of us are looking for more than a few minutes of sweaty humping.


There's plenty who'll, on top of that, give love that seems soooo real that you can't tell the difference. Until the sweaty humping is over, anyways.

...

But, the real trick is to not give in too early and then you'll have them hooked.



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03 May 2011, 12:44 am

swbluto wrote:
Bethie wrote:
Glad I amuse you.

Silly me- I should have specified:
some of us are looking for more than a few minutes of sweaty humping.


There's plenty who'll, on top of that, give love that seems soooo real that you can't tell the difference. Until the sweaty humping is over, anyways.

...

But, the real trick is to not give in too early and then you'll have them hooked.


I don't plan on "giving in" at all, being asexual, but thanks for the advice, bunneh.


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03 May 2011, 12:50 am

Bethie wrote:
swbluto wrote:
Bethie wrote:
Glad I amuse you.

Silly me- I should have specified:
some of us are looking for more than a few minutes of sweaty humping.


There's plenty who'll, on top of that, give love that seems soooo real that you can't tell the difference. Until the sweaty humping is over, anyways.

...

But, the real trick is to not give in too early and then you'll have them hooked.


I don't plan on "giving in" at all, being asexual, but thanks for the advice, bunneh.


You already found someone's who's perfect, haven't you? If so, then, I wonder why you're leading people down a bunneh trail...