Is religious belief that important to you in a relationship?

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They're still a child and still don't know what they want. I prayed to be baptized when I was 9 and now I don't practice Christianity anymore. I didn't know what I wanted then.

Still no. An 8 year old is too young to make such a decision, despite what my family thinks.

Exactly. I was baptized at 8 in the LDS church, and now as a Tao-Pagan it's nearly impossible for me to get the LDS people to stop getting me to come to church.

My children will not be choosing a religion until they are at least 15, and even then I will encourage them to always be open to other ideas.

So what does your baptism matter now? Are you still a Christian? Are you still obligated to worship because you were baptized when you were 9?

Ultimately, it doesn't matter but it's not right to put that pressure on a child when they may change their minds later. My family still wants me to go to church and watch the televangelists and all that s**t. It has the potential to create tension later in the child's life.

Mine matters to me. I am listed as a member of the LDS church now. If I want that changed so they leave me alone, I have to jump through ridiculous hoops.

Even then there's no guarantee they'll leave me alone.

Not to mention the church directories that have every member's name, address, and phone number.

What a leading question! I ought to feel insulted.

She wants to be baptized so she can receive the Eucharist because she understands what it means. I said I would never go against her mother and that the issue had to be handled between her parents. I suppose you needed to ignore those statements to be able to spit that question at me.

So you believe baptism is a serious matter when you don't believe God exists? That makes no sense to me whatsoever, but it's clear from the above that you either aren't going to invest the effort into providing a rational justification for this or you simply don't have one. Either way, this is clearly pointless and I'm not willing to have more leading questions thrown at me when I go out of my way to make sure my step-daughter respects her mother in all things.

This conversation left a bad taste in my mouth. I actually really liked you. Now I don't know what you're about.

I'm sorry the discussion affects you wefunction, I doubt hyperlexian had the intention to offend you - but I'll leave that part to her.

Since I first made the statement, I have no problems answering it.The way baptism and its significance have been explained to me (and from what I read) I see it a serious commitment. It comes with responsibilities and specific duties so it shouldn't be just an empty ritual. Since I don't believe in God I don't make this commitment but I make others and expect people to take theirs just as seriously and understand or at least think about the long term consequences same as with any other decision.

Does this make sense?

yeah, it was a leading question, for sure. sorry if it came across like attacking or anything - you threw me off by suggesting that you wanted to do the same things as my in-laws. it appalled me that they considered it, so of course it appalled me when you said you thought about doing it too.

i thought you were still considering doing the baptism behind her mother's back because you were still questioning the reasoning or justifications from my end... so it seemed like an open question still. i really didn't realize you'd made a final decision, because your words seemed to be speaking two messages - you were still giving justifications for why you still think it is an okay idea.

yes, i think baptism is serious. if it were not serious, then i do not think there would be any point. atheism doesn't equal disrespect for religious traditions. i am a strident atheist but that doesn't mean i have any sort of negative feeling towards religious beliefs or anything. i am rather awestruck and fascinated and interested in religion and the things it entails.

i really am sorry. i didn't mean to lead you on a path, and i didn't intend to be argumentative. i don't know how else to say it... i was trying to ask the reverse of what you were asking. you wanted to know why i thought it was a bad idea to do a baptism behind a parent's back, and i wanted to know why you thought it would be a good idea. i didn't understand why you ever considered it at all.

on reflection, i don't think there's any way to ask the question without being argumentative or leading, wefunction. i think that understanding where you are coming from can help me understand my own family a little better, but i pretty much botched my reply from the get-go.

She knew what she said. She's not stupid. But she can answer for herself here or privately. There's no need to continue to turn this around on me.



But you didn't, really. This was something hyperlexian brought up and it confuses me so I wanted her to explain further. I realize this is a public forum with over 50,000 users so others will contribute as they see appropriate, but I really wasn't asking for your justification. I wanted hers because she's actually been there so I knew both of our points of view would not be hypothetical. I wanted to understand the different opinion if she could explain it. It's unfortunate that it did not go well. I'm sorry and I hope you don't mind that I just don't want to participate in this discussion with you or others. I have nothing to gain from such a hypothetical discussion with anyone. It was off-topic anyway.

It's not entirely hypothetical on my part either but it's not something I feel comfortable sharing.

Of course I don't mind, you have every right to participate or not as you see fit - sorry if it seemed I was butting in, as I said I had some personal reasons myself and wanted to understand.

I hope you feel better soon.

I couldn't really help you understand your in-laws because it was never a consideration for my husband and I to baptize my step-daughter behind her mother's back. What's stopping me from doing that has nothing to do with my relationship with this woman. It has to do with it being fundamentally wrong to baptize a child without both parents consulting and present. I thought I made it clear that I know my place as a step-mother.

I'm PMing you further because I've included more personal information that will help illuminate a somewhat convoluted and complicated topic and I hope this will put our discussion back on track.

I do want to say publicly THANK YOU for apologizing. It goes a long way. I wish there was another way that you could have explained what you wanted from me without asking such a leading question. It roused negativity in me that was unnecessary but I didn't know what else to do with such a question. It put me off-balance, that's for sure.

Sallamandrina, I am very sorry. You have done nothing wrong, obviously. I was in the wrong for approaching this topic on this forum instead of keeping in PM from the start. It was my bad and I'll be more considerate of everyone else henceforth. Thank you for being so understanding. I appreciate your opinion and viewpoint very much, and I am sorry that you have past experiences on this subject that you cannot discuss.

I like to think that religion isn't that important to me in a relationship, but I've dated some guys with different views than me and it was difficult. For me it's more about worldview than actual religious beliefs.

I'm Taoist.

For MOST Taoists, Buddhists, and Hindus, it's not important simply because of the way those religions work.

For most members of evangelical orders, it is. Otherwise, it seems to not be very important (in most cases).

It's kinda hard to navigate those moments when you know you both disagree, but like eachother otherwise.