Am I good enough for a good man?

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*sigh* Everyone says that so it must be true right? So what's wrong with me?

Can I send you a PM?

Idk everyone is diffrent I have angrer problems. I get mad really fast over little things but never big things. I think may be your going threw a mid life crisis or your just feeling blue but everything happens for a reason you just have to keep trying dont gve up

Sure, I guess.

Joker - A mid life crisis? If that's due then I'll be dead by the time I'm 42. Well, if I'm still alone by the time I'm in my 40s, i may as well be dead. I'm just having difficulty with the transition into the real world. It's hard and college doesn't do s**t to prepare you for it.

Look, if you really believe that you deserve a bad man, then you deserve a bad man. Period.

That's the thing. I don't think I do but karma gives people what they deserve right? Since I've been getting bad men, I'm guessing that's what I get for being a b***h to guys who asked me out in high school. D:

everyone has 'jerks' bust moves on them, you just have to say "no", hold out for someone who is not a jerk, meet his friends and family so you can observe how he is with others.

logically if someone is a 'nice' guy he is more likely to put up with oneself being 'undeserving' or 'crap' than if he is a 'nasty' guy as they tend to be selfish and not treat anyone nicely.

But I can't tell if he's being genuine in his feelings or is just trying to "keep himself in the game." I don't know. It's really hard to judge intentions of someone you've technically never met in person. I think I may just be better off just not meeting this one and to keep looking.

people on dating sites tend to be arses in general. They would never dare say the things they do in real life. I get things like "You are probably a fat b*tch" etc

Take them with a grain of salt - these men aren't worth having anyway. You have to find the nice ones.

I've got that one too once.

It'll take a while. Whatever.

I'm convinced that the key to happiness is not in finding a man, especially if you're AS. I'm planning my future as a single person, and spending my time and energies on working on my career and creative pursuits (and currently my health, so I can stop being an invalid and get my life back).

Hobbies are better. They are not unpredictable and outside of your control. They provide fulfillment and give out what you put in in a predictable equation. I feel I would be very sad if I was planning my future life around finding a partner, because the chance of me finding someone who I am compatible with is very low - it is unlikely to happen.

I want to find life meaning in creating wonderful things (creativity put into practice), learning, self growth, helping and nurturing people, and achieving wisdom. If I do not end up with a partner I think I will have one or two cats, and my own sunny flat with my books in it.

I'm not saying it's wrong or a bad idea to want marriage and children. I think focusing your energies and hopes on dating tends to only surround yourself in sad thoughts and gets you stuck with unpredictability, no control, and negative outcomes. If you want to get out of the house (leave home), finding a partner is not the way to do it. You will only be replacing one trap with the next. If you truly want escape, the only way to achieve this is through independence. Working towards independence and then renting (if you can't afford to buy) your own place, even if it's the smallest cheapest place you can find. If you can't drive, look into moving to a major city. I live near the city center and am normally independent (except for currently due to the breakdown in mental health I have experienced). I can't drive, so I live somewhere where I can get anywhere I need to go via public transport. It's amazing how few (if any) destinations are out of reach once you are a veteran of using public transport. I live in a very small old flat where the rent is cheap, so I can afford it.

Good luck with all of that. It was hard enough finding one woman who was both willing and able to do all of that for me, and I had to travel to the other side of the planet to find her!

Can you travel?

Hobbies are a nice way to pass time, but they don't give me the rush I feel when I get a chance to put my arm around a woman... and she hugs back.

I guess I just don't want to devote my time and future happiness to something that doesn't pay reliable returns, or another analogy: I'd prefer to invest my money in slow earning investments than gamble it away on the pokies in the hope of hitting the jackpot. Less of a rush, but guaranteed income.

I guess that the other issue is that no matter what I do with myself, I constantly feel like a failure at life. Only when I had my short-lived relationship did life itself feel like there might be a positive outcome to all this...

Oh, aye. I know that one. That's another one of mine.

I don't know what solutions there are for many people like us. Some people with Asperger's are successful people; many are not.