Dying alone

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julie, something else though - when I say things like I just said, half the time I completely forget how much I have to do with this as well. I just caught a pretty fair and solid reminder tonight on that. My friend is seeing a girl who works at a bank down the street, however they really aren't that serious and my friend actually liked a friend of hers who works at the bank - like a lot of guys he likes personality but looks still matter a lot to him and as much as he likes the other girl's personality and wants to be attacted to her he's having trouble. Well, a friend of ours threw a little party at her condo, they both came over, the 2 girls of course walked off and had a little chat. Next thing I heard from my friend, he wast telling me that the girl he's with mentioned that the other girl (who he likes) said that I was hot and actually said it in a sort of abrupt conversation-stopping way as if she definitely meant something by it. I've seen her before, I'll admit in terms of looks she's about 8.5'ish, but here's the problem - when I heard that from my friend I wasn't even happy about it, it almost felt like I was being hassled . I think for me I've just gotten too exasperated from 2 situations. One a girl thinks I'm hot but realizes that in her eyes while I might be an 8 or 8.5 on looks I'm like a 1 or 2 on personality (more the introvert factor, the fact that I don't meet the type of personality they expect out of an attractive guy, etc.), thats happened so many times that I have almost no trust for a woman to come through if she hasn't seen my personality first and then made that decision. The other scenareo, which I already figured would real likely happen - we'd have a degree of mutual respect, she'd give it a good faith try, and I just wouldn't even want to call her, not that I'd specifically neglect things but I just wouldn't be feeling it at all. She'd be talking to her friends through the whole thing a bit nervous and tentative, hopeful though, hoping to think we'd make the connect, but she'd be comming at it from an angle that would even drive me farther away. What scares me is that when I really think about it, for me to really find the right personality or the right connection out there would be almost impossible and to really be fair, my attraction is probably as fickle as most womens'. I tend not to see that side of myself that often because these things happen maybe once a year, once every other year, and it leaves me with an even more empty gut feeling like when I hear that about a girl I just want to get the hell out of there. I feel so bad about it just because, they're nice and I know what it's like to be on their end. At the same time though, they're very NT and whether a girl would berate me on the little things in my life or whether she'd try much harder than I would while I stay painfully numb - it sucks. If anything this should just remind me, for me to forget my own half of this and talk about women being narrow-minded is just really me talking straight out the side of my neck and forgetting the rest of the big picture. Yeah, its human to forget things like that when its not up in your face every day or it hasn't happen enough times for it to really register as a pretty steady and persistent personality trait but at least now I know whats up.

As I think about it half the time when I have that feeling like one of the waitresses at work is kinda flirting with me and then she'll get kinda short and a little bitter with me later - its probably the same thing just without the feedback or any friends being alerted to pull me aside and say "she likes you, she wants a way in, but your posting her like a brick wall". What I said earlier was just the compatability part of that chasm on their side, what I'm talking about now is just the fact that when a girl is in the normal range, doesn't talk on the same level I'm on, doesn't think on the same level I'm on, it just erases all motivation and desire to want anything at all to do with her on that level no matter what she looks like and to tell the truth sometimes the fact that they may be good-looking in an every guy wants kind of way or have social clout often drives me away even faster in that case. All this is pretty normal but still, lol, its like I said before to subatai_baduur - its that damn ghetto wiring we have as human beings...

"Not even a grey little bird,
that sings in a green, green tree
there'll be on the other side
and that seems pretty dull to me.

Not even a grey little bird
- and never a birch that is white.
But the lovliest day that summer gives
I've longed there with all my might."

Nils Ferlin, Swedish poet and pessimist

Wow, what an awesome poem.

yeppers

That's another thing... Pretty much what you said, women only want men who are wealthy, popular, have good social skills, and lack minds of their own. You hafta be part of a herd of sheep, because most people don't wanna think independantly... They'll choose their boxes, either theyr completely liberal or completely conservative, this religion or that religion, this kind of music or that kind of music, other labels they might follow blindly are feminism, or straight edge... At any point, most individuals define themselves by these labels, and they blindly follow whatever their chosen leaders say, without taking a moment to question any of it.
The reason for this is because people feel like they have to be part of something bigger, part of a group. Yet, they don't want to think, so they choose their leaders to do all their thinking for them.
In attracting a mate, this bias will determine ALOT. A man with prejudice in his heart make many mates (if theyr alpha enough), friends and many enemies, a man without prejudice in his heart will make many enemies.

Interesting, I have much to say about this, but I am going to Salsa. I prefer to stay at home do some programming

Thank you. Here's a Wikipedia article about the poet: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nils_Ferlin

That pretty well sums up a good deal of the evil of this world...

The problem with aspies or me anyway is I see Lies as the enemy. NTs so only people as enemies. The truth of the universe and righteousness is all about choosing allies and enemies.

Example if I see a Christian attack a Muslim unfairly and illogically I will defend the Muslim and visa versa. I will also attack the illogical-atheist because he bases ideas about what religions are about on false evidence, ignorance and lack of research. The result is you are unpopular with all sides. Life seem to be all about being bias and taking sides, lying and mini political games.

For false and evil people it is, mostly NT's. That's the main reason why I hate them so intensely.

Yeah, its crap if you ask me. I think when you see people saying you need to 'wear the whole hat' of a political, religious, or even music scene you think their idiots but then you see society back it up and you realize that while what they were saying is way off point and makes no sense, it makes lots of sense in reference to other people. When a particular trend of illogic seems that universal the first place I look is evolutionary psycholigy, nothing else seems to explain it but then evolutionary psychology comes along and shows you some dynamic in group or heard mentality, consequences in our small tribe days of wanting truth over herd 'truth', and the whole mess of going crazy wondering what's wrong with seemingly almost everyone but you and a couple other people you know gets solved.

I've had this exact same fear and for the same reasons.

It's not the fear of dying alone per se. It's the fear of being alone at a time when you need people most-- when you're elderly and less independant.