applying pickup skills in real life - an example

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cdfox7
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03 Jun 2011, 12:53 pm

hyperlexian wrote:

thank you!
and here you go:
...
he said he wants a big hug.

Thank you darling :wink:

mmm yes he dones want a big hug...mmm...SHHH!! !...Please keep my cuddly toy activities private now, or with one email I can hook you up with a visit in the middle of nite from one or two male Mounties, now on second thoughts you might enjoy your night time visitors

hyperlexian
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03 Jun 2011, 1:08 pm

cdfox7 wrote:

Thank you darling :wink:

lol maybe

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Mindslave
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03 Jun 2011, 1:28 pm

guywithAS wrote:

since there's clearly misconceptions about how pickup / mystery method skills can be applied in real life, i want to provide one example which happened today.

my maid was supposed to show today for cleaning, as we'd previously scheduled for her to come every 2 weeks. she didn't show up. i finally got a text from her this evening and she told me she wants to come tomorrow. tomorrow will not work for me and she knows advance scheduling is important to me since i am busy.

before pickup - my response would have been frustration and annoyance. i would have written back right away with a defensive tone and scheduled a new time for her.

after pickup - i rationally think through the situation
a) i want to provide negative reinforcement so she doesn't see a benefit from being unreliable (see classical operant conditioning)
b) i might provide her a mild hoop to jump through so she has to make a small extra effort
c) i won't show any emotion
d) this situation shouldn't escalate into anything further; my response should be keep things straightforward so things continue in a positive manner.

so after i got her text telling me she could come tomorrow, i told her that wouldn't work. she then asked when she could come. i wrote back that she could text me tomorrow evening and i would let her know. the entire exchange is very polite and respectful and this is more convenient for me.

but now she has to make some extra effort in following up with me a second time 24 hours later to schedule. its a very minor hassle for her. i suspect she'll be more likely to stick to scheduling in future.

this is only a tiny example, but i apply this kind of decision making 20-30 times per day, managed via a broad variety of rulesets and applied psychology i learned from the game.

its changed everything.

I think that if this post was titled "an example of how to make sure people don't walk all over you" instead of "applying pickup skills in real life" nobody would be outraged at this post. Pick up artist=Everything that is wrong with the evil NTs. There is a fine line between taking advantage of somebody and making sure they don't take advantage of you. One is proactive, the other is reactive. This was reactive. Of course, I am mainly paying attention to the four bullet points, and conveniently ignoring the example put forth here, as it is not the greatest example in the world of being assertive. Maybe there isn't enough information here. I would understand if your maid was difficult and likes doing things the way she wants to do them, but you didn't write that. Even so, you rarely find people get outraged at things that don't apply to them in some way. Before a grew a pair of balls, I might have gotten outraged at what you did, as it would reflect my lack of social skills in a negative light, thus making me feel bad because I wish I could do something like this, but can't.

Who_Am_I
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03 Jun 2011, 6:45 pm

guywithAS wrote:

how frequently does alex check in? i'd like to back channel verify with him

I probably shouldn't be sniggering at that phrase.

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cdfox7
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03 Jun 2011, 8:15 pm

Who_Am_I wrote:

guywithAS wrote:

how frequently does alex check in? i'd like to back channel verify with him

I probably shouldn't be sniggering at that phrase.

No that phrase sounds more like an act of sycophancy

RainingRoses
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03 Jun 2011, 8:52 pm

Reading through this thread, I've been utterly confused. Until I read this ---v

guywithAS wrote:

i had a fantastic girl very much in love with me and we dated for a few months. she was really my ideal girl who had always been out of reach. however i saw the improvements that learning game was having in my life, so i decided to break up with her and focus on improving my social skills.

Now, I'm completely dumbfounded. What are you doing, man?

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TB
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04 Jun 2011, 2:04 am

RainingRoses wrote:

Reading through this thread, I've been utterly confused. Until I read this ---v

guywithAS wrote:

Now, I'm completely dumbfounded. What are you doing, man?

You can still practice game and social skills while having a girl friend and not being disrespectful to her.

@ Mindslave Also PUA isnt what is wrong with ''evil nts'' its just that the benefits it can give are attractive to a lot of bad people. i suggest you look into pua before dispatching it as only macho man BS.

zen_mistress
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04 Jun 2011, 2:29 am

TB wrote:

You can still practice game and social skills while having a girl friend and not being disrespectful to her.

yeah that is true. You can balance being a creepy jerk* with a full time job, friendships, hobbies and many other areas of life.

* pick up artist

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TheygoMew
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04 Jun 2011, 4:48 am

GuywithAS, you remind me of this guy who would torture me subtly. I'm sure he thought highly of himself for doing it.

Manipulation doesn't work on everyone.

TheygoMew
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04 Jun 2011, 4:51 am

RainingRoses wrote:

Reading through this thread, I've been utterly confused. Until I read this ---v

guywithAS wrote:

Now, I'm completely dumbfounded. What are you doing, man?

Notice how he said "I had a fantastic girl very much in love with ME"

Notice how his avatar is of two masks or faces rather. Looks like a sadist. Not buying that he has AS. Probably confused AS with sociopath or narcissist.

nostromo
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04 Jun 2011, 6:26 am

I have no idea what PUA stands for but it seems to be uh, I might call it understanding the social ways of NTs but in an explicit way what NTs learn in an intrinsic way.

However in my 'rules' or the way I do things..if the maid changed things on me, and it had no impact upon me I would be happy to change. Even if it did cause me some small problems I would be OK with that, because thats part of give and take (which some might call swings and roundabouts or cutting some slack), and one-offs happen and should be accommodated. If it got to be a regular thing that would be a PITA so would be different, and then I might do something about it.

BUT it also occurs to me that those being disparaging towards the OP seem to me (at least in written form) to be more naturally sociable and more socially skilled than he is, and I find the uncharitable attitude a bit surprising. Also belittling people is not a productive or valid way of dealing with anything.

NarcissusSavage
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04 Jun 2011, 7:35 am

I think his use of the basic techniques of PUA are fairly straightforward, not overtly manipulative, and used constuctively. I fail to see why there is harsh criticism in this thread.

Having his maid wait 24 hrs for confirmation of when to reschedule is trivial. If I were said employee, and had failed my employer in the same manner, I would be thankful that that minor inconvenience was the only penalty I paid. And guy is correct in saying that no penalty will reinforce the negative behavior. Harsh penalties would potentially create additional issues. His solution is one of minor penalty, and avoids the consequences of either extreme. Therefore benefitial to both parties and thier continued interaction. His request is not unreasonable either. Often, people do not have a complete set, rigorously planned, fully formed schedule. He very likely could have required those 24 hours to have a better idea when a good time would have been. In this example provided, only he is privy to the fact that his request of delay is arbitrary. The maid will not likely feel manipulated. And will better understand that failing at her job function in the manner sh did will simply result in further complications and unpredictable scheduling issues. Which are just and fair consequences imo.

This seems all good to me. What am I missing?

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hyperlexian
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04 Jun 2011, 10:21 am

nostromo wrote:

well, you might want to read the other thread about PUA to understand why we are reacting strongly.

PUA = pick-up artists

it's a set of techniques designed to manipulate and seduce women, and the OP has decided to try to package and sell the techniques to aspies as a cure-all for, well, aspieness.

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hyperlexian
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04 Jun 2011, 10:24 am

NarcissusSavage wrote:

i am guessing that you advocate using PUA techniques, judging from your response in the "kiss test" thread. i imagine that's why i disagreed so strongly with your opinion in that thread.

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Moog
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04 Jun 2011, 10:54 am

NarcissusSavage wrote:

Okay, it's hardly the worst thing that you could do with these tricks. But it's not necessary, it seems even counter productive to me. A slippery slope if ever I saw one.

I get a lot of positive results in my life through being polite, open, straightforward and assertive. This did not come naturally to me. I worked on it. Seems a better way to go if you need to systematize a way to get better results from interpersonal relations.

Quote:

If I were said employee, and had failed my employer in the same manner, I would be thankful that that minor inconvenience was the only penalty I paid. And guy is correct in saying that no penalty will reinforce the negative behavior. Harsh penalties would potentially create additional issues. His solution is one of minor penalty, and avoids the consequences of either extreme. Therefore benefitial to both parties and thier continued interaction. His request is not unreasonable either. Often, people do not have a complete set, rigorously planned, fully formed schedule. He very likely could have required those 24 hours to have a better idea when a good time would have been. In this example provided, only he is privy to the fact that his request of delay is arbitrary. The maid will not likely feel manipulated. And will better understand that failing at her job function in the manner sh did will simply result in further complications and unpredictable scheduling issues. Which are just and fair consequences imo.

This seems all good to me. What am I missing?

The OP made no mention of needing time, he simply said he had created an artificial hoop for the purposes of dickering with the woman

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RainingRoses
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04 Jun 2011, 1:56 pm

NarcissusSavage wrote:

This seems all good to me. What am I missing?

Ummm... the fact that it's deceitful, manipulative, disrespectful -- and just fundamentally inhumane? (For starters.)

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