Essential Love & Dating Advice (By and For WP Members)

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What do you think I've done for the last nineteen years?! Number of dates: zero.

Agree. We are ourselves for all our life, and yet dates are too rare, sometimes there are no one in several years.

When it comes to coupling up of whatever variety, be it jumping bones or til we're dust and bones, everyone is in the same boat. We want

1. Someone to who we are, in as broad or narrow a sense as you care for, attracted; and who is

2. attracted (again, broad or narrow) to us.

It's the details of these that matter, that inform the venn overlap. Reflect on what it is you want, and why, and on the kind of person who would be attracted to you. You may find change in these matters, large or small, is necessary and doable. Do not feel beholden to others' idea of who you are, nor indeed your own.

Some people struggle to find someone, and they're miserable. Others find it too easy, and fall into repeating dysfunctional patterns of behaviour, and are miserable. Be as content and comfortable in your own skin as you can be.

If you look out of desperation and someone turns up, the other person may sense that. It need not be the unseemliness of desperation in itself that pushes them away, but a concern that you're only interested in them because you're desperate, and they may feel that more is expected of them than they can be. Desperation will also keep you in a bad situation where otherwise you might walk away.

There was a daft comment about pedestals in a thread a few days back. But there is a serious point to make: do not put people on pedestals. It's not nice. Cherish them, care for them - of course. But find them faultless? No-one is faultless. Allow people to be human, to screw up. And keep away from those who want to be treated as faultless.

Read. If you want to know the psychological workings of the other gender, read what they write, and widely. It is a way into the workings of a mind like no other, and should help to dispel any idea of a hivemind, and remind you to consider the nuances of individuals. Short stories and poems may be easier to get through than novels, where your interest isn't held so well.

It's comments like this that make lonely people feel even worse. You're supposed to say that love is overrated and meaningless.

... You're supposed to say that love is overrated and meaningless.[/quote]Says who?

If you believe that love is overrated and meaningless, then it will show in your attitude and behavior toward others. If you think that you'll lose, then you've already lost.

Says who?

If you believe that love is overrated and meaningless, then it will show in your attitude and behavior toward others. If you think that you'll lose, then you've already lost.[/quote]

This was intended to be a joke. I know this is an Aspie forum and jokes often fly way over peoples' heads, but you're quite a wise person and it seems like you're baiting for an argument. Moving on to advice...

Dating and dating sites can be quite an enigma and to some, even a chore. If you struggle with dating then why not consider getting to know someone first through interest groups, or your work, and then it takes away the whole "interview" side of the thing. You'll be able to agree to places you know you'll both like, talk about things you know won't push the wrong buttons.. so maybe not rush to date someone, and don't rely on dating sites to make that connection. Go through other channels if its possible to you.

I thought I was being Louis XIV of France - thank you for waking me up.

I have been single for a long time. I sometime have trouble understanding what women what. I also live in a small town.

I keep playing relationship "yo-yo" with my ex/perhaps soon-to-be partner again. I became incredibly jealous when I discovered she had developed feelings for someone else, yet I felt bad for her that she had been rejected by him.

Although she's said that she never wants to be in a relationship with me again, I don't understand why she is always flirting with me.

Maybe I just wasn't programmed to have relationships. They are too confusing for my simple mind to comprehend.

The most valuable love and dating advice I could probably give is don't pay any attention to love and dating advice.

Don't play lonely hearts with playboy bachelor men. When a man's fidelity is shot down, one more female dodges the bullet.

Also: If you can't steal the right girl or boy of your dreams when you had the chance, it's highly unlikely that you ever will.

Sometimes, a relationship which lacks any meaning ends in disaster, so sometimes you talk yourself into being used, until someone yanks on the handbrake, and turns around to see which way the story unfolds.

Usually, the best advice you can give yourself, belies a real sense of trust and feeling in a spouse who will be there for you, no matter what.. and not when their pleasure has turned sour..and realises that your the one that they want.

If you're looking for genuine advice, then your not going to seek it here.

Thank you for the information. I have made many large strides forward in my life in just the past two years, but one big hurdle remaining is how to know if a man is interested in dating me and wondering if I will have someone to spend my later years with. I don't know if anyone is really interested in me. I'm 52 and never married and never really dated during my life. I would really like that to be a part of my new and growing life, but sometimes I think I'm too dumb to read the social cues others give me, although I'm hardly dumb in other ways.

I think many have taken this advice.

I have two questions:

1. Is there a good way to determine whether to take something literally or to dismiss it as a white lie, in terms of rejection?

2. If someone rejects me based on things they merely assumed about me, or that weren't true, or based on bizarre ideas they have about relationships, and I dispute/debate it with them, does that automatically mean I have a sense of entitlement/can't handle rejection, or is the problem with the other person?

Follow your heart and do what you think is right but when people get older it's not all about love anymore. It already affects a lot of factors.

Is "wanna come to my place and fornicate?" a good thing to message someone on a Christian dating site?