Anybody who doesn´t like weddings?

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I find weddings, in their current form, eminently pointless. When my sister got married she asked if I'd be a maid of honor. I considered, and realized I'd HAVE TO WEAR A DRESS (and DRESS SHOES!) and refused.

I used to think 'darn, someday I'm going to have to go through that.'

But now it's like "phew, it's very unlikely I'll have to go through that!"

However....I don't understand why they have to write such long vows sometimes.

I hate them, since I don't like seeing other people's happiness, while I get nothing

I've been to lots and lots of weddings, and I've been an attendant in several. They mostly bore me. Even my own, which was pretty minimal. I simply don't have enough chit-chat in me to last an entire day. It was especially excruciating when it was my wedding and I was forced to be the center of attention.

I try to distract myself with interesting observations about the dynamics of the people in attendance or how good a job the caterers are doing, but that only goes so far. Thank goodness for alcohol!

I'm very happy for the people getting married, but the ritual surrounding the day is annoying and burdensome to me.

{Also annoying: the Catholic wedding with a full mass. My family is Catholic (I'm an atheist) so most of the family weddings and several friends' weddings I've been to have been hours-long ceremonies. Bleah. At least there's always booze at the reception.)

Cant you just skip the ceremony?.
I come from a very catholic family(my uncle is a priest and one of my cousins is a priest now doing some sort of higher studies in Rome) they both understand that my parents choose to raise me and my sisters on a non religious way and they understand that we find this kind of ceremonies extremely tiresome(they are the ones in charge on most weddings/religious ceremonies on my family).


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I could, but my own moral code prevents me from doing that. I find it disrespectful and I don't like when other people do that. And, several of the weddings I've been to have been out of state so I traveled a long way to be there for the day. {And usually there's a receiving line right outside the church, so they'd know who skipped.}



That's great! I was also raised nonreligious but I strive to be respectful when in other people's houses of worship. Plus, I think there's just a greater social pressure on women to attend these things. In other words, if I were to skip it, it "would be noticed". Men are allowed to skip stuff with nary a head turned. Just one of the many concessions I make to pretending to be NT.

I'm very fortunate that of the weddings I've been in, they were short religious ceremonies or nondenominational, justice-of-the-peace type ceremonies.

The key thing there is "perceived value". It isn't the same thing as monetary value, not at all. And these values include paying attention, physical affection, compliments, moral support, housework, tolerance and sometimes (because human beings are nutcases) even arguments. That's nothing like a complete list, you understand; everyone has their own requirements.

These things aren't even perceived equally by both sides. I am happy to do all the practical stuff, like assembling furniture, and the computer techie stuff. I'm good at those and I enjoy them, and I don't value my skills as highly as my partner values them. It's as though I'd buy my services for £10 and my partner would for £30. But there are compensatory things the other way - my partner is much more capable of telling salesmen to bog off, because my aspie introvert nature shuns conflict. For him, that's nothing. For me, it's a lot more valuable.

It IS true that focusing on your transactions is a recipe for disaster. Some people actually do this, thinking about whether they're putting more effort into the relationship than their partner and getting into arguments as a result. This is not love, but greed. If there's a serious imbalance, it'll be an unhappy relationship and it may be best to redress the difference or break it off, but quibbling over what basically amounts to a few quid either way is silly.



It's pretty accurate, unfortunately! But it's up to you how you interpret that. You can think of love as being a magical thing that cannot be understood, which is fundamentally wrong but will let you enjoy it. You can think of love as being this clinical description of how human brains work and feel depressed. Or you can do what I do, and understand how it all works and enjoy it anyway. Knowing that you're on a drug doesn't stop you getting high. On the other hand, knowing you're on a drug is crucial to recognising if you're harmfully addicted.

Sobering up isn't so bad. It isn't sudden (it isn't with any substance, artificial or hormonal) but a gradual progression. Every day you feel the buzz slightly less and don't even realise it's going down, until one day you wonder why you aren't as delirious as you were.



Happiness is another misunderstood thing. It's not a permanent state - whatever happens in your life, your happiness will always reset to zero, good or bad. Remember the Blitz? People weren't wailing in despair 24/7. Having your house bombed is a traumatic event, but they usually got over it. Once the immediate concerns of food and shelter were dealt with, they'd start returning to zero. And what about lottery winners? After the initial thrill and the fleet of Ferraris and the world cruise, their new life becomes ordinary. They return to zero.

Happiness is not the same as contentment, which is what we should truly seek. A solid foundation to a relationship won't give you much happiness, but it'll make you much more content.



Nice idea, and for some people it even works. If they mutually agree that they should split up, and they agree how to divide everything up and how to arrange visiting the children and all the rest, it's a good split and leads to good things. This generally comes from both parties realising that it isn't working and agreeing that splitting up is better.

Unfortunately, some people don't work that way. One of the two (occasionally both, which is double the stress) will feel somehow cheated or wronged and will seek to make reparations. This could be in the form of money, or by attempting to humiliate or even harm the other person, or even both. Revenge isn't calculated fairly. It's the simple urge to keep beating the other person until they bleed, and maybe a bit more after that.

Again, this is down to perceived value - often that the "wronged" party thinks their own contribution was far greater than their partner's.



Now there I agree. It's not the marriage that causes the problem. It merely crystallises it. If you're not officially hitched then it's much easier to simply walk out.



Again, I agree. Sometimes they don't want to split up out of a perverse desire to punish their "loved one". Sometimes they simply don't recognise the option is there. I think most of the time it's just fear - that if they quit this relationship, they'll never find another and will be doomed to live alone for the rest of their lives.



And with that last sentence, you've demonstrated more wisdom than most! It's the same with drug addicts. Treatment programmes are a waste of time for many of them because they simply won't work unless they WANT to quit. You can't make that choice for them. Likewise, many people suck at relationships because they don't want to face their own flaws and do something about them. "People should take me as I am" is one of the most infuriating soundbites I've ever heard. Yes, people should take me as I am in some respects - I'm autistic, I'm a little bit crazy and I prefer computers to people - but I can and have changed many aspects of my personality throughout my life to make myself more socially acceptable.



I'd consider anything over 10% to be worryingly high. But who cares? Didn't you know that 83% of all statistics are simply made up on the spot?

Weddings? Marriage? No thank you. I've been married once, it was the worst experience of my life. Never again! I'd rather pretend the whole thing never even existed.

Lol, actually it is I love Twilight and I´m also a Robstenshipper

Last time I went to a wedding, it was a big two day do where we had to stay in a hotel and everything. So after the ceremony I just went up to my room and watched the telly.

Just like all parties, I do not enjoy weddings.

I despise weddings for the sheer amount of wastefulness they represent.

Hate them. They are only a redistribution of wealth. The people should save the money and go to the civil service way. I especially hate the receptions (receptions of any kind). I generally sit alone and drink too much. I rarely know anyone except some relatives or a few people int he wedding party. Most people who know me try to avoid me because I end up talking about things they could care less about.

I'd rather have my finger nails pulled out than go to a wedding reception.

I think it's the expectations everyone has of you at weddings.... "dance" "Have a good time", "find a girl", "get laid","get married" "look happy"... I really freak out after 10 minutes of it and I look like.. well.. like I'm having my finger nails pulled out. ...and then things get worse... People start asking me if I'm ok and tell me to dance. I feel like kicking someone in the nuts when they start pulling me toward the dance floor.

Interestingly enough though, it's not too bad when I'm there with a girlfriend. That only happened once but I was dancing on a table at 4am that day.

I just went to my cousin-in-law's wedding a few weeks ago. The ceremony was rediculous with poem readings from various people about how they've never seen them happier, etc, but what really got my goat was that it was the bride's second wedding. Don't you think people said "I've never seen you this happy!" at her first wedding? Shouldn't that be your first clue that this is a load of bull?
Love can be great, sure, but be realistic not idealistic please. Sure, I hope you stay together forever but I acknowledge there is a possibility (Even a likelihood) that you won't so I'm not going to sit here and talk about soulmates and eternal love. That's just insulting in its inaccuracy.


Then of course was the reception. The food was nice, drinks were good, had a good time chatting with my brother-in-law's girlfriend. Then the music started >< oh my lord, why oh why does it have to be that loud?? I covered my ears and it was still deafening. My husband and I took off almost immediately at that point.

Some weddings are just unnecessarily long. People go on for hours talking about how great is this how great is that. It can get quite repetitive and boring at times.

Hate weddings. My own official registration took around 5 minutes, I was wearing jeans and sneakers, as well as my BF (now husband), and cost us around $3.5. I never wear dresses or dress shoes. Besides, where I live we have foolish traditions when everyone takes a photographer and sits in a limo and drives around the town for hours taking standard banal photos near all town sights. After that everyone goes to the restaurant and they eat and drink and make stupid speeches. And the music's playing loudly. I was at a 'traditional' wedding like this once and don't have the nerve to go through it again.