Confused, please help

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"...you're suggesting that plain old life experience is simply no match for your "special training". I offered a piece of advise, you're preaching away like some kind of love prophet!"

Well, I am not exactly a love prophet. --- shades of the 60's I have been with the same woman for 30 years, and we have a 20 yr old son. So I have some real life experience. But she and I are, if you will, lucky, and have had no ral problems. Probably cause we did not get together when we were young and inexperienced. By then we had each done stupid things.

What I am fairly certain of, is that training can teach a person to see things that many, if not most people will not see. Also, a trained person will probably have had experience working with other couples who will not have been that different from the couple here, and that counselor wil be able to draw upon that experience. Said therapist may be able to offer insights and suggestions that would not occur to one who is not trained, and not had such experience with other couples.

Finally, such a person would see the couple in meat space interacting in real time which is different from hearing one person tell us her version of the story. No matter how accurate it is, or how hard she is trying, she is human and it is still ONLY her version. Given her desire to make this work, and her apparent willingness to put in I can not see much of a downside to trying the coaching route.

By way of analogy. Should one of todays tennis stars work with a tennis coach or with a former world chapion to improve their game. After, the former world champion obviously has experience, and knows how to win.

Here is another example. John Elway is not the general manager of the Broncos, not one of the coaches.

Okay...your dilemma is starting to make more sense. This is really not about goth vs rock, but about much deeper issues. I'm concerned that your bf doesn't seem to respond to the problems you have with the relationship - but responding to your partner's needs is more difficult to do when you spend a lot of time high. Don't get me wrong - I'm not criticizing people who smoke or drink. But it seems like he may be relying on weed to to either numb his anxiety about what to do with his life, or smoking is sapping him of his ambition. I'm not sure if it matters whether the weed is the trigger or the response, but it may have something to do with why your bf seems fairly willing to let life pass him by.

You might be wondering what you can do to solve his problem. I suggest you do as little as possible. I think you'll get a much greater return on your investment if you spend your energy focusing on yourself. What are your objectives? What do you want to do with your life? What are the short-term and long-term changes you'd like to see in your life? Look, you don't have to decide tonight, or tomorrow or the next day - but I hope you'll start giving those questions some thought. You have a life to live, whether you stay with your bf or not. I'm concerned that focusing on your relationship issues right now is really just a distraction - to avoid the real task at hand: figuring out your own goals. I'm guessing that your lack of a plan, your lack of an approach to change the things you're unhappy with in your life may really be the source of your anxiety. Is it possible that your relationship with your bf represents a choice between remaining where you are (geographically, emotionally, etc.) and moving forward with your life?

I'm not advising you to end your relationship. I just think you should focus more on yourself. If your bf gets inspiration from you, awesome. If he doesn't, then at least you'll be in a better place to make decisions about your future. I hope this helps.

First of all, I wanna thank everyone for giving me advice. The only reason I have elaborated so much is because I'm completely confused as to what would be the best thing to do. You're right, Kris30, I guess I am looking for a way to see it through, and everything that you wrote pretty much sums up what I want in a person. I have a strong feeling that counseling is not going to change the way that I feel about my boyfriend and that our relationship is more than likely going to end. I've been doing a lot of thinking and have looked at this from every aspect but it all comes down to whether I feel "in love" with my boyfriend or not.