Nice guy syndrome(is a joke)

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lol Self labeled "Nice guys" aren't the same as genuine nice guys in this context.

This isn't an aspie behaviour. It's a 'I have no self confidence' person's behaviour. It doesn't always need to be about aspergers.
In my experience, it seems like NT guys who do this are abundant.

Man, tough crowd here. No response from joke or discourse.

Well then, let's try a true anecdote I learned from an acquaintance in college(and I swear i was actually told this):

Step-by-step process to both appear as a bad boy and a nice guy(and also apparently a good way to 'get some')

1. Attend a party where there's drinking.
2. Only drink enough to have it on your breath.
3. Hold some form of drinking container in your hand at all times
4. Find a girl who you'd like to hook up with and does not have a boyfriend you can see.
5. Treat that girl like absolute garbage all night. Go out of your way to be mean to her. Also, act drunk.
6. At the end of the night, discard your liquor, go up to her and apologize profusely. Blame it on the alcohol. Be nice and compliment her.
7. Hit on her if needed, ask for her number if nothing else pans out.


I have not tried it myself, but as far as evidence of efficacy goes, when the acquaintance told me this in class, the gal he was currently dating and listening to the story exclaimed "You son of a b***ch!" after he told it.

lol That's kinda funny but I don't think it'd work with me.
I prefer a much more mixed variety.

If the person comes up and we have a polite conversation that's a good start. When I next bump into them they can say a light insult. Then from there just a mixture of compliments and insults, just banter I guess.
It's fun because it keeps you on your toes and you can sort of show off about who's better in whatever, which is a way to figure out each others interests.
And it's easier to keep things short if need be also.

When someone acts one way drunk then tries to blame the booze, I personally don't care. It might be insensitive of me though, because I know I'm the same but less OCD and more hyper when drunk, other wise, I feel fully accountable for my behaviour and expect others to.

It's a funny tactic though..


Sorry to waffle on, it's a bad habit of mine. but to agree with the guy, I'd say a mixture of the nice guy/girl and bad guy/girl probably works to get the most interest.

I got this random flirting email that I never requested a subscription to and the flirting style was basically meant to be adopting a cocky personality but throwing in a tiny bit of nice guy behaviour. I found it interesting that I naturally do that. (I often get told I flirt but I swear by the hairs on my chin, I don't even know how to!) This email dude said that the mixture meant the person would try harder to get the nice guy behaviour. I guess if something is rare it gives it more value. So in that sense I can see the sad part for the nice guy. But I think the trick would be to save the special treatment for special people and special times. Over doing that reduces the value of it.

Oh I agree with you. Hence why I was pointing at the OP mentioning it. I should have made that more clear.

But anywho, thanks for reading and replying to it!

@Magnus Exactly how I am, its how I truly view equality, you treat everyone the same upon meeting with them for the first time without letting gender, sexual orientation, religion, race etc... sway your judgment in any way. I reserve judgement til when we interact for a little while.

@Naomi From my own experiences in life, I would never treat anyone as a friend OR enemy at first. Your own actions dictate where you would lie on that list. So basically upon first meeting you are just another human being to me, a neutral. I Would Call it being considered an Acquaintance. Meaning you are neither friend nor for, I know of your existence and I have yet to pass judgement. I Wouldnt be a gentleman in a patronizing way. (considering I treat everyone alike unless the subjects actions have deemed them otherwise. (Meaning I would hold the door for anyone, unless previous encounters with the individual dictate otherwise, simply because it is polite. Its the way I have been raised.)

As for your statement on flirting, I can really care less. I don't exactly participate in it. On rare occasions I will, but that usually is if I am truly interested in pursuing a relationship and I don't initiate it, I just watch. I may acknowledge that a woman is flirting with me but that is it, I don't build upon it. I feel worthwhile relationships aren't born from silly gestures but actually meaningful face to face spoken communication, otherwise its just jumping through hoops like a trained animal. So lets say you see me in some setting and are interested. The best way to get my attention would be to just come on over and talk to me, if we hit it off we hit it off; if we don't we don't. There is no logical reason to feel rejected if a guy doesn't respond to the flirts, some guys respond to that while other guys such as myself are more likely to respond to directness, so just think of it in that manner next time and as I like to say, a different approach opens up different opportunities.

I can give you a true life example too. One girl I am friend's with always did the 'tried and true' flirts but don't do a damn thing method. She wanted a meaningful relationship. Instead she just found a guy who used her for some T&A. She went to me to talk about her issues and ranted on how men are shallow. I told her to try a different approach as in just go and talk to the guy instead of trying to bait them over like every other woman. It worked for her and they have been together for 4 years now, and have had a happy relationship.

BEst analogy I can use is, just like there are different kinds of fish who respond to differing fishing tactics in different ways, humans are very much the same way.

Guys who do nice things for girls (and for others) without realizing that they're doing them in expectation of something just as valuable in return are still nice guys. They just don't realize what they're doing is often quite selfish.

Of course, not all nice guys are like that.

Personally, it's better not to put the word "nice" next to "guy" either way. As "nice" is not something to be proud of.

Sincerity and empathy is the way to go. Many (not all) nice guys having problems with relationships are so because they don't understand this bit. Be sincere and empathetic. And stop putting women on pedestals (way higher than your head especially).

The rest have been unsuccessful due to lack of effort or interest. Nothing wrong in that. But for those complaining about lack of relationships or sex or flings or such, just remember you have to make some effort.

That's Peter Andre! The heartthrob of many a teenybopper girl in the early 90's.

"Gimme some kinda sign, girl...."

Yet another who completely gets the points I was making earlier.

Theres a big difference between that guy and a real nice guy. I dont expect to be given anything but the same respect I gave someone. To me your description sounds more in depth with a manipulator, and not a nice guy. Which is where my argument is.

The term "nice guy" has been rendered utterly meaningless, let's face it.

My comparison to the term "curvy" in the last page described the correlation

For what it's worth, and this might be a generational thing, I use the term "nice guy" ONLY in the following context:

Me and guy go out on date. Guy is pleasant, charming, good company, a "good" person, all in all a guy who deserves someone special in his life. But I'm not attracted to him for whatever reason, so that someone special is not me (and he might not be attracted to me, either, which is fine).

Me describing date to a friend: "Oh, it was fun, we had a good time. I enjoyed meeting him. He's a nice guy, but he's not for me."

Yeah, but wouldn't the incorrect usage of 'nice guy' lie mostly with said manipulative type guys who think they're nice guys. As with the fat girls who think they're curvy?
In which case, it's a bit obvious the self-claiming nice guy is probably going to lean towards the incorrect definition as opposed to the person dating or talking to them, who can probably be a little more objective about the guys nature.

i don't get the comparison of fat girls who call themselves curvy. fat women *can* be curvy, after all. not quite sure why people seem to think that the two descriptions are mutually exclusive.

Why don't we talk about 'The Bad Boy Syndrome' just for a change?