In what way does Asperger's Syndrome impact dating?

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^If he had a mate there would be a constant flow of hatchlings,I had a mate for them for awhile,I was lucky to have someone with an aviary that wanted the babies.A snake ate pappa dove,he found a hole in the coop and went in,ate the dove and was too fat to get out.It was like on a cartoon,there was a big lump in the snake,dove sized.I just carried the snake out,it wasn't his fault.I stopped the hole up,I had no idea it was there.Felt really bad about it all.

^^^

yeah I know that's what i meant I call them the cockroach of the bird world, I would feel terrible taking their eggs furtile or other wise , used to do it with my other birds etheir left their or taken away it didn't seem to make any differances to their egg laying cycle

Any how they are adorable

Oh yes you are right I have lost to many birds in the past due to "ignorance" I'm good these days though , never forget many birds are like 2 year olds , watch out !

Well being socially awkward, being introverted or just socially inept, hurts guys more than girls because guys are usually still expected to make the first move and ask the girl out, initiate

Sometimes being too far outside the norm just keeps people from even envisioning an AS person as a partner. But I think it goes deeper than that.

Personally, I never IRL even heard a hint of a rumor of anyone even expressing the slightest interest. There were no autistic boys in my class (trust me, I would have noticed and learned by hindsight that they were). If there were any secret admirers, they're taking that secret to their grave or something. Either behind or in front of my back. Since I'm female, and don't have to initiate (and was told when I was younger that women ATTEMPTING to initiate dating with a guy was sure to "scare off" a guy), it's not my job to find someone. And anyone who was ever looking must have sensed (IRL anyway) that I'd be unsuitable and/or downright incompatible. (not to mention the social implications would have been murder to anyone at least during high school--and I'll be honest, there wasn't anyone there that I had anything in common with anyway, so even if I did have the inclination to initiate, it was a guaranteed no regardless, that's something I could sense).

So I have to wonder if the largest impact on dating (or lack thereof) is the social stigma attached to someone approaching someone who isn't Neurotypical (whether they realize it or not, the only thing they know is the person is "weird", whatever that means). In other words, social standing would be too important to even consider it, for most people.

And there's no way in hell I'm initiating now. I'm too old for this s***. If a guy doesn't approach me on his own, that's his loss (or me dodging a bullet lol).

^^^

Their loss huh ? , you must have real tickets of yourself

And your right about being to old for this poo poo poopsies , I was to told old for that from near the get go , say age 6-7.

Either their loss, or I dodged a bullet lol. Superficially speaking, from what I knew, there wasn't anyone that I trusted, even the ones that just seemed neutral (with a simple constant smile on their face in school), and I don't think even those would have been suitable had they felt any attraction. Like, on a superficial basis they were tolerable, but I didn't know any deeper than that, as actual interaction was minimal or nonexistent; they were simply there. They never did anything overtly mean, but then again they never did anything about the mean stuff either, so yeah, reason #1 not to trust any of them.

tickets of myself? What does that mean?

^^^

I thought you where Australian ? it's a light hearted way of saying you fancy yourself , I fancy me to, nobody else is going to R they now

haha nono I'm Canadian. Eh well, I don't fancy myself, but I don't not fancy myself either.

Same thing in my book theirs even a word for it it "Austerican" ie Australian = pretend American , does such a word even exist for Canadians ?

I don't hate the anglo Saxons , it's just being Swiss sometimes the sloppy mindsets of the English world really irritates me Soemetimes good enough isn't so...

ahhh I dunno. Sounds confusing.

^^^

It was some academic who coined Austerican , I think mid 20 century , it basically says it rips of another culture ie American , mostly the bad like crappy public transport , poor city planning etc , yet takes little of the good from it like innovation . I have some photos of Sydney you can convince some one they where in NY or LA , particularly so the ones with the big yellow cars (NY Cab clones !)

I haven't dated anyone since my diagnosis last year, but in retrospect, I realize a lot of my character traits negatively affected that part of my life for a long time. I have a very fierce sense of loyalty, which is often mistaken for a desire to control or oppress people. My tendency to chase after details and reasons behind various choices probably just added to the mess.

One thing I can say for certain is this: if you have an intensely-focused attention to detail on a restricted set of ideas, don't seek out anyone with a "laid back" personality. Their nature of "taking things one at a time" will drive you completely up the wall, and many people like that don't find accountability or explanation of any kind necessary at all. I'm the kind of person who feeds on information, always wanting to know why something happens, or how a person arrived at a specific decision...yet I'm not always able to explain the same to them about myself. It can be very confusing at times, and lead to a lot of arguments with no resolution in sight.

I have never dated but I will tell you that the misconception of Aspies not having romantic or sexual desires is wrong! It really gets on my nerves because at least this is how I have always felt most people think of AS, Its wrong however I have if not maybe the strongest desire to be in a relationship for love and companionship and when it comes down to sexual stuff yes but that's not like a really big driving force I'm looking for hugs and kisses, somebody to be around. However their are Aspies who don't care about relationships and don't desire them, the rates are like they are due to problems we and our partners due to AS can face but also partly due to rumors about AS. Not a single person I have met in my age bracket at least where I am now in school etc thinks I have any relationship or even sexual knowledge and desires sometimes I think its because they know I have AS but I wish people would see that I'm super lonely even a friend would be cool but then I'm one of those fairy love tale types and really could just absorb myself into my partner, problem is where to find somebody for me somebody that can see I want love and to give it and somebody that will help heal me.

^^^

deep.

I can't speak for everyone, and I am not a diagnosed aspie yet either (my aspie boyfriend doesn't think I have as either), but the way my problems limit me in relationships and dating are:

1. I can be very introverted because I am stuck in my own mind/thoughs. This can happen right in the middle of social contact where I just seem to 'tune out' and get really quiet. Obviously, this doesn't help me when I am on a date with an NT guy. They will find this very awkward and may see me as aloof or weird.
2. I can be very obsessive when I meet someone that I really like. I start to research their everything. When a guy I like doesn't text or call me within a time period that I would consider normal, I get very nervous and angry. I automatically think the other person doesn't want me. Perhaps this has to do with mind-blindeness.
3. Because of this lack of empathy I also get really mad when my partner or crush disagrees with me on crucial moral topics such as racism, immigrant policy, or justice. I tend to feel personally attacked because I cannot seem to figure out that what someone says is not always a litteral or black and white reflection of what someone thinks or feels. Anyway, I get really fidgetey.
4. Obviously, because of my insecurity (I think new people automatically find me weird) I find it REALLY REALLY REALLY hard to go on dates with guys. I avoid this because of my fear of rejection. I actually think this probably my biggest hurdle in dating.

Common aspie traits that likely have effected me:

Inability to notice social and non verbal cues often leaves one oblivious to the fact that someone else likes them, as well as oblivious to flirting

Constant ability to 'put one's foot in their mouth' may often kill your chances

Awareness of one's own awkwardness often makes them shy to ask someone out

Lack of eye contact leaves potential mates feeling disrespected

Showing different signs often leaves other oblivious to the fact that you like them

Being unable to pick up on cues means you often can't pick up on what your partner wants, an partners covey this non verbally

Lack of experience magnifies all above points later in life