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My ex won't take a hint!

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Peter_L
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11 Feb 2012, 1:34 pm

Wide berth is one of many nautical expressions that gained widespread use in English. It basically means that you'll leave plenty of room between you and him. (ie, go out of your way to avoid him)

In other words, next time he gives you an inappropriate compliment, don't thank him. Tell him that both you and your current boyfriend are uncomfortable with how he is acting given that you are in a relationship, and you'd like him to stop if he wants to remain friends with you.



hyperlexian
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11 Feb 2012, 8:37 pm

Erisad, is there any chance that you are kind of enjoying this attention from your ex but you just don't want it to go further so?

you must have had a lot of chemistry with your ex because you dated him and then... even though you broke up over his cheating you still went back for more in a FWB arrangement. he knows how to seduce you and how to get what he wants from you in the way that he wants it.

i don't think that it is pure chance that he is moving in on you again right now. i believe it is possible that you were subconsciously signaling receptiveness to his advances again. if you are totally honest with yourself, could you see signs of flirtation with your ex, or have you confided in him about any troubles with your current boyfriend? or maybe the frequency or tone of your responses to your ex may have changed.

it may be a good idea to look closely at your current relationship and evaluate why you want to have this other guy in your life still. he honestly doesn't sound like he is a good friend to you (and from the stories you've told before it seems he doesn't respect you), yet you want to keep him in your life.


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Stellar
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12 Feb 2012, 3:02 am

I think you should just cut off the ex completely. :/ You seem to be super happy with the new guy and I don't think it's worth risking the happiness of the relationship. He deserves to be secure with you too and the ex trying to pry back in your life isn't making anything better. Lotsa hugs. :)



hale_bopp
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12 Feb 2012, 5:34 am

Americans have such a weird language.

A wide berth just means you distance yourself from him.

Now that I'm thinking about what you thought it probably meant, I'm a little disturbed. :lol:



Erisad
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12 Feb 2012, 7:55 am

hyperlexian wrote:
Erisad, is there any chance that you are kind of enjoying this attention from your ex but you just don't want it to go further so?

you must have had a lot of chemistry with your ex because you dated him and then... even though you broke up over his cheating you still went back for more in a FWB arrangement. he knows how to seduce you and how to get what he wants from you in the way that he wants it.

i don't think that it is pure chance that he is moving in on you again right now. i believe it is possible that you were subconsciously signaling receptiveness to his advances again. if you are totally honest with yourself, could you see signs of flirtation with your ex, or have you confided in him about any troubles with your current boyfriend? or maybe the frequency or tone of your responses to your ex may have changed.

it may be a good idea to look closely at your current relationship and evaluate why you want to have this other guy in your life still. he honestly doesn't sound like he is a good friend to you (and from the stories you've told before it seems he doesn't respect you), yet you want to keep him in your life.


I haven't complained about my current bf with him at all. I've said nothing but positive things. He seems to brush it off whenever he's mentioned, obviously. He hasn't bothered me since I told him that I'm uncomfortable with the compliments the night I made this thread so I guess he gets it...for now anyway. He was never known for his memory. >.<

I don't really know how to explain it. We were friends first, then dated, then apart, then FWB, then apart again. I really want to keep the "apart" status but still maintain some form of friendship, even if it is only occasional texting at this point. Unfortunately, I'm starting to see that this may not be possible. :/



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12 Feb 2012, 12:43 pm

Erisad wrote:
short attention span or just doesn't know when to quit...He was never known for his memory. >.<


When someone tells you they're uncomfortable with you, or want you to go away (i.e. rejection) - that's very easy to remember (as all we aspies know). I notice you keep giving him the benefit of the doubt and assume he's a nice enough person who has no clue. He's pretending to have no clue in order to manipulate you, because it's your (and has been my) weakness to feel sorry for people and let them get away with more because they "Can't help it". We assume they mean it when they act clueless. Note the word, "act".



Erisad
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12 Feb 2012, 2:41 pm

smudge wrote:
Erisad wrote:
short attention span or just doesn't know when to quit...He was never known for his memory. >.<


When someone tells you they're uncomfortable with you, or want you to go away (i.e. rejection) - that's very easy to remember (as all we aspies know). I notice you keep giving him the benefit of the doubt and assume he's a nice enough person who has no clue. He's pretending to have no clue in order to manipulate you, because it's your (and has been my) weakness to feel sorry for people and let them get away with more because they "Can't help it". We assume they mean it when they act clueless. Note the word, "act".


Yeah. It'll be hard but if I want to remain happy, I may have to cut him off. It may hurt him and I hate hurting people but he's been making me and my bf feel uncomfortable. :lol: