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I think I scared away a potential date

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The_Face_of_Boo
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05 Mar 2012, 6:45 pm

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nowhere in these posts do you express anything more positive about her than a mention of her being nice, the fact that she was interested in you, and how accommodating she was for your differences.


So the only quality he knows about her for now is her niceness.

SO WHAT HYPER? SO WHAT?

I mean c'mon, it's not like girls are throwing themselves on Toad everyday.

Let him move his ass and meet her, he might find out a lot of other qualities in her that would be a good basis for a something later.



hyperlexian
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05 Mar 2012, 6:47 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Quote:
nowhere in these posts do you express anything more positive about her than a mention of her being nice, the fact that she was interested in you, and how accommodating she was for your differences.


So the only quality he knows about her for now is her niceness.

SO WHAT HYPER? SO WHAT?

I mean c'mon, it's not like girls are throwing themselves on Toad everyday.

Let him move his ass and meet her, he might find out a lot of other qualities in her that would be a good basis for a something later.

she's not that into him either.


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The_Face_of_Boo
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05 Mar 2012, 6:49 pm

hyperlexian wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Quote:
nowhere in these posts do you express anything more positive about her than a mention of her being nice, the fact that she was interested in you, and how accommodating she was for your differences.


So the only quality he knows about her for now is her niceness.

SO WHAT HYPER? SO WHAT?

I mean c'mon, it's not like girls are throwing themselves on Toad everyday.

Let him move his ass and meet her, he might find out a lot of other qualities in her that would be a good basis for a something later.

she's not that into him either.


And yet you call others being negatives.

How can you tell that? maybe she really had to drive her parents.

Second chances people, always give second chances for Ba'al sake.



Last edited by The_Face_of_Boo on 05 Mar 2012, 6:56 pm, edited 3 times in total.

hyperlexian
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05 Mar 2012, 6:51 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
hyperlexian wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Quote:
nowhere in these posts do you express anything more positive about her than a mention of her being nice, the fact that she was interested in you, and how accommodating she was for your differences.


So the only quality he knows about her for now is her niceness.

SO WHAT HYPER? SO WHAT?

I mean c'mon, it's not like girls are throwing themselves on Toad everyday.

Let him move his ass and meet her, he might find out a lot of other qualities in her that would be a good basis for a something later.

she's not that into him either.


And you call other being negatives.

How can you tell that? maybe she really had to drive her parents.

Second chances people, always give second chances for Ba'al sake.

you're not reading the signs. she has communicated very clearly.


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The_Face_of_Boo
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05 Mar 2012, 6:54 pm

hyperlexian wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
hyperlexian wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Quote:
nowhere in these posts do you express anything more positive about her than a mention of her being nice, the fact that she was interested in you, and how accommodating she was for your differences.


So the only quality he knows about her for now is her niceness.

SO WHAT HYPER? SO WHAT?

I mean c'mon, it's not like girls are throwing themselves on Toad everyday.

Let him move his ass and meet her, he might find out a lot of other qualities in her that would be a good basis for a something later.

she's not that into him either.


And you call other being negatives.

How can you tell that? maybe she really had to drive her parents.

Second chances people, always give second chances for Ba'al sake.

you're not reading the signs. she has communicated very clearly.


Online communication can never be complete as real communication!!

Maybe she isn't so into his online persona, maybe she'll like him in person.

Maybe once she sees his big belly she might feel horny (ie. belly fetishist) lol .... you cant be an early doomsayer like that, you can never know what might happen!



ToadOfSteel
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05 Mar 2012, 7:17 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Online communication can never be complete as real communication!!

Maybe she isn't so into his online persona, maybe she'll like him in person.

Maybe once she sees his big belly she might feel horny (ie. belly fetishist) lol .... you cant be an early doomsayer like that, you can never know what might happen!


And maybe I'll get "You're such a nice guy, i'm sure you'll find a nice girl someday"... as usual.

I didn't have any issue with hyper saying "maybe she's not that into you". That is completely understandable... no woman has ever truly been into me. What I DID have issue with is her trying to tell me what my own motivations are.



hyperlexian
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05 Mar 2012, 7:32 pm

so you disagree with my assessment? what are you interested in about this woman besides the three things i named? are you genuinely interested in her as a person?


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ToadOfSteel
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05 Mar 2012, 7:44 pm

hyperlexian wrote:
so you disagree with my assessment? what are you interested in about this woman besides the three things i named? are you genuinely interested in her as a person?


Yes. She has a lot of the same life values that I do, especially with her being a christian... it's not required with me the way it is with, say, timtex, but it would be nice to be able to share a part of my life with someone without her thinking I was weird for having said values. The same would apply, with, say, my love of video gaming, but I know that gamer guys outnumber the gamer girls at least 20:1, and finding someone who was religious, a gamer, and a girl is just nigh impossible to find, so I just want to find one deep thing to connect with. It could even be other things: I'm an avid follower of (american) football and baseball, I enjoy doing video and photo editing, I'm a big star trek nerd. I also somewhat enjoy acting, and my greatest success has come from such a field (even though I had known my ex for 3 years before dating her, it was while we were both working on a show that we first got together). But I haven't been able to find an acting group for a while that does the same kind of theater I enjoy doing...

The point remains, however: I need to be able to enjoy life with a girl in order to have a relationship with her. It's not a worthwhile relationship if we're just together, yet doing separate things. On the contrary, I'm also not saying I want to be together 100% of the time, but enjoying nothing together just won't work...



hyperlexian
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05 Mar 2012, 8:01 pm

you named something you have in common, but that is not the same as being attracted to her. do you feel a hunger to be near her? is she beautiful to you? are you distracted by thoughts of kissing her or holding hands with her? do you desire to hear about the minute details of her life? are you excited to think about just meeting her? (these are just examples - YMMV)


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ToadOfSteel
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05 Mar 2012, 8:03 pm

hyperlexian wrote:
you named something you have in common, but that is not the same as being attracted to her. do you feel a hunger to be near her? is she beautiful to you? are you distracted by thoughts of kissing her or holding hands with her? do you desire to hear about the minute details of her life? are you excited to think about just meeting her? (these are just examples - YMMV)


Well, i'm definitely excited about the prospect of meeting her and seeing where it goes. I would be those other things, but I'm trying my hardest to limit the desperation... as so many people here have said, such things are a turnoff...



hyperlexian
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05 Mar 2012, 8:13 pm

desiring strongly to be with a SPECIFIC person is very different from being desperate for ANYBODY. it does sound like you were only mildly interested in her, so ultimately it's an excellent learning experience. you can take notes from this and get some ideas for future. it's cool you had the beginnings of something, and next time it will hopefully get to th next stage.


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ToadOfSteel
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05 Mar 2012, 8:26 pm

hyperlexian wrote:
desiring strongly to be with a SPECIFIC person is very different from being desperate for ANYBODY. it does sound like you were only mildly interested in her, so ultimately it's an excellent learning experience. you can take notes from this and get some ideas for future. it's cool you had the beginnings of something, and next time it will hopefully get to th next stage.


The thing is, what separates my feelings towards a specific person from a desire to be with anybody is that the people I look at in real life and online are only potential until I see a desire from her to actually want me (which in and of itself is quite rare). Even then, however, it takes a common interest for me to truly want to be with someone. The problem is, most women don't share any common interests with me, and I can't force myself to like things I don't naturally like...



The_Face_of_Boo
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06 Mar 2012, 2:27 am

hyperlexian wrote:
you named something you have in common, but that is not the same as being attracted to her. do you feel a hunger to be near her? is she beautiful to you? are you distracted by thoughts of kissing her or holding hands with her? do you desire to hear about the minute details of her life? are you excited to think about just meeting her? (these are just examples - YMMV)


Wtf, hyperlexian?? wtf?? What's wrong with you today?

It's just a date, damn it! Toad just knew her for a week!

You don't need to be in a deep love with someone in order to date her.

Let him know the woman first!! Let him see her offline! Then you can judge him whether he wants her for specific or just anybody!



hyperlexian
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06 Mar 2012, 2:30 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
hyperlexian wrote:
you named something you have in common, but that is not the same as being attracted to her. do you feel a hunger to be near her? is she beautiful to you? are you distracted by thoughts of kissing her or holding hands with her? do you desire to hear about the minute details of her life? are you excited to think about just meeting her? (these are just examples - YMMV)


Wtf, hyperlexian?? wtf?? What's wrong with you today?

It's just a date, damn it! you don't need to be in a deep love with someone in order to date her.

Let him know the woman first!! Let him see her offline! Then you can judge him whether he wants her for specific or just anybody!

those were examples, which you can see from what i wrote. he hasn't yet said anything that would indicate actual interest in that particular woman... unless you saw something i missed? how do you feel when you have a genuine attraction to someone?

anyway, he did contact her again - just like you suggested. so i am not sure what else you're trying to accomplish here.


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The_Face_of_Boo
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06 Mar 2012, 2:34 am

hyperlexian wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
hyperlexian wrote:
you named something you have in common, but that is not the same as being attracted to her. do you feel a hunger to be near her? is she beautiful to you? are you distracted by thoughts of kissing her or holding hands with her? do you desire to hear about the minute details of her life? are you excited to think about just meeting her? (these are just examples - YMMV)


Wtf, hyperlexian?? wtf?? What's wrong with you today?

It's just a date, damn it! you don't need to be in a deep love with someone in order to date her.

Let him know the woman first!! Let him see her offline! Then you can judge him whether he wants her for specific or just anybody!

those were examples, which you can see from what i wrote. he hasn't yet said anything that would indicate actual interest in that particular woman... unless you saw something i missed? how do you feel when you have a genuine attraction to someone?

anyway, he did contact her again - just like you suggested. so i am not sure what else you're trying to accomplish here.


Leave the guy alone then, let him go on with this and gain experience.

The last thing that Toad needs is more idealism.



hyperlexian
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06 Mar 2012, 2:37 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
hyperlexian wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
hyperlexian wrote:
you named something you have in common, but that is not the same as being attracted to her. do you feel a hunger to be near her? is she beautiful to you? are you distracted by thoughts of kissing her or holding hands with her? do you desire to hear about the minute details of her life? are you excited to think about just meeting her? (these are just examples - YMMV)


Wtf, hyperlexian?? wtf?? What's wrong with you today?

It's just a date, damn it! you don't need to be in a deep love with someone in order to date her.

Let him know the woman first!! Let him see her offline! Then you can judge him whether he wants her for specific or just anybody!

those were examples, which you can see from what i wrote. he hasn't yet said anything that would indicate actual interest in that particular woman... unless you saw something i missed? how do you feel when you have a genuine attraction to someone?

anyway, he did contact her again - just like you suggested. so i am not sure what else you're trying to accomplish here.


Leave the guy alone then, let him go on with this and gain experience.

The last thing that Toad needs is more idealism.

you didn't answer my questions. that is interesting.

my posts were practical, not idealistic. i think ToadofSteel is lovable. i think he is a worthwhile, kind, and intelligent human being who can and will find love someday. but i am not going to pussyfoot around and tell him to keep chasing someone who isn't right for him (and apparently he isn't right for her either).


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