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Is not having friends a turn off?

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ValentineWiggin
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05 Apr 2012, 5:20 pm

hyperlexian wrote:
i posted some and read a bunch more. people aren't exempt from needing friendship just because they don't want friends. :shrug:

My parents have been happily married over 30 years and have no friends other than each other, just our family.
You didn't post any research that even bothered to acknowledge that people's desire for friendship has variation,
and 0 friends could make one person miserable, and another elated at their lack of social ties.

This forum is overflowing with friendless people who LIKE IT THAT WAY.

I'm honestly shocked there's any controversy as to the fact that people can be blissfully-happy...and friendless.

Quote:
that does sound like they have something wrong with their ability to make or keep friends, which is related to their ability to make and keep other relationships functional.

Not necessarily. I'm not able to make friends because I don't rationally get the point of such relationships, no matter how I try, or even why I should desire them. With relationships, it's entirely different. I crave that kind of interaction, and feel like half a person without an SO in my life.

X relationship type =/= Y relationship type

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yeah, i consider that to be unbalanced and unhealthy (and researchers agree). i challenge you to find one single piece of research that says that a person does NOT need any friends other than a spouse.

There's been no research provided that shows that all people- extroverts *and* introverts- DO need those things. The affirmative claim is the one which requires evidence.


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Asp-Z
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05 Apr 2012, 5:58 pm

Luska wrote:
Is not having friends a turn off? From the point of view of a potential boyfriend/girlfriend is not having a friend a turn off?


Not for me, no. I actually quite like it.



The_Face_of_Boo
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05 Apr 2012, 6:04 pm

hyperlexian wrote:
yes, in my eyes it is absolutely a turn-off. i think that having at least one friend is a sign that a person has a healthy and well-balanced social life. if they can't maintain one friendship then i would suspect that they may have problems sustaining a romantic relationship.

for years, i did not have friends. my ex-husband used to practically beg me to go and make friends. i didn't understand it back then as i thought that he was all i needed. i was wrong - it was unhealthy and unbalanced. he became my whole world and i lost perspective, pretty much. and it was a huge pressure and responsibility on him to be (essentially) my only social contact.


This is judgmental.

Isn't that the same as judging virgins as being bad persons?



Last edited by The_Face_of_Boo on 08 Apr 2012, 9:16 am, edited 1 time in total.

blunnet
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05 Apr 2012, 7:21 pm

ValentineWiggin wrote:
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yeah, i consider that to be unbalanced and unhealthy (and researchers agree). i challenge you to find one single piece of research that says that a person does NOT need any friends other than a spouse.

There's been no research provided that shows that all people- extroverts *and* introverts- DO need those things. The affirmative claim is the one which requires evidence.

Don't you see some confirmation bias or the sort here? should that be surprising? Anyway, I tend to agree with you here.



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05 Apr 2012, 7:23 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
hyperlexian wrote:
yes, in my eyes it is absolutely a turn-off. i think that having at least one friend is a sign that a person has a healthy and well-balanced social life. if they can't maintain one friendship then i would suspect that they may have problems sustaining a romantic relationship.

for years, i did not have friends. my ex-husband used to practically beg me to go and make friends. i didn't understand it back then as i thought that he was all i needed. i was wrong - it was unhealthy and unbalanced. he became my whole world and i lost perspective, pretty much. and it was a huge pressure and responsibility on him to be (essentially) my only social contact.


This is judgmental.

Is that the same as judging virgins as being bad persons?

Perhaps, but I ask, would that be similar as judging asexuals as being unhealthy and having unbalanced social life?



hyperlexian
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05 Apr 2012, 7:34 pm

ValentineWiggin wrote:
hyperlexian wrote:
i posted some and read a bunch more. people aren't exempt from needing friendship just because they don't want friends. :shrug:

My parents have been happily married over 30 years and have no friends other than each other, just our family.
You didn't post any research that even bothered to acknowledge that people's desire for friendship has variation,
and 0 friends could make one person miserable, and another elated at their lack of social ties.

This forum is overflowing with friendless people who LIKE IT THAT WAY.

I'm honestly shocked there's any controversy as to the fact that people can be blissfully-happy...and friendless.

Quote:
that does sound like they have something wrong with their ability to make or keep friends, which is related to their ability to make and keep other relationships functional.

Not necessarily. I'm not able to make friends because I don't rationally get the point of such relationships, no matter how I try, or even why I should desire them. With relationships, it's entirely different. I crave that kind of interaction, and feel like half a person without an SO in my life.

X relationship type =/= Y relationship type

Quote:
yeah, i consider that to be unbalanced and unhealthy (and researchers agree). i challenge you to find one single piece of research that says that a person does NOT need any friends other than a spouse.

There's been no research provided that shows that all people- extroverts *and* introverts- DO need those things. The affirmative claim is the one which requires evidence.

the research did point to the fact that introverts need friends as much as extraverts.

so your mother and father *never* go out for coffee with anyone except family? they *never* have luncheon with churchmates? they *never* send a letter to an old school chum? and *never* go out after work for a pint with colleagues?


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Joker
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05 Apr 2012, 7:37 pm

I think I would rather be with the person that I love instead of hanging out with my friends when I am in a relationship I have no time for friends.



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06 Apr 2012, 1:53 am

hyperlexian wrote:
the research did point to the fact that introverts need friends as much as extraverts.


The first reseach you posted says that introverts get more lonely and isolated when on the internet compared to extraverts. It says nothing about friends.

For all we know the reason the introverts got lonely was because they were compareing themselves to exraverts. The introverts could of had no friends and had been completely happy with themselves, untill they got on the internet and began to guestion their own contentment with having no friends. By the study didn't say, so we don't really know why they were more lonely and isolated.

In the other research you posted It mentions that introverts are more susceptible to getting the cold and this maybe true. But this could have more to do with exposure to bacteria and viruses than whether or not the lack of friends weaken their immune system. The presents of friends may help boost ones immune system but having no friends isn't going to weaken it. Its just make you less exposed to daily pathogens.


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06 Apr 2012, 1:54 am

Zinnel wrote:
hyperlexian wrote:
the research did point to the fact that introverts need friends as much as extraverts.


The first reseach you posted says that introverts get more lonely and isolated when on the internet compared to extraverts. It says nothing about friends.

For all we know the reason the introverts got lonely was because they were compareing themselves to exraverts. The introverts could of had no friends and had been completely happy with themselves, untill they got on the internet and began to guestion their own contentment with having no friends. By the study didn't say, so we don't really know why they were more lonely and isolated.

In the other research you posted It mentions that introverts are more susceptible to getting the cold and this maybe true. But this could have more to do with exposure to bacteria and viruses than whether or not the lack of friends weaken their immune system. The presents of friends may help boost ones immune system but having no friends isn't going to weaken it. Its just make you less exposed to daily pathogens.

there were 2 studies.


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06 Apr 2012, 1:58 am

hyperlexian wrote:
Zinnel wrote:
hyperlexian wrote:
the research did point to the fact that introverts need friends as much as extraverts.


The first reseach you posted says that introverts get more lonely and isolated when on the internet compared to extraverts. It says nothing about friends.

For all we know the reason the introverts got lonely was because they were compareing themselves to exraverts. The introverts could of had no friends and had been completely happy with themselves, untill they got on the internet and began to guestion their own contentment with having no friends. By the study didn't say, so we don't really know why they were more lonely and isolated.

In the other research you posted It mentions that introverts are more susceptible to getting the cold and this maybe true. But this could have more to do with exposure to bacteria and viruses than whether or not the lack of friends weaken their immune system. The presents of friends may help boost ones immune system but having no friends isn't going to weaken it. Its just make you less exposed to daily pathogens.

there were 2 studies.


In which the one about the colds? or the one about the internet?


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hyperlexian
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06 Apr 2012, 2:00 am

the one about the colds - introverts get sick MORE than extroverts. the fewer social networks a person has, the more likely they are to get sicker.


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06 Apr 2012, 2:04 am

hyperlexian wrote:
the one about the colds - introverts get sick MORE than extroverts. the fewer social networks a person has, the more likely they are to get sicker.


Zinnel wrote:
In the other research you posted It mentions that introverts are more susceptible to getting the cold and this maybe true. But this could have more to do with exposure to bacteria and viruses than whether or not the lack of friends weaken their immune system. The presents of friends may help boost ones immune system but having no friends isn't going to weaken it. Its just make you less exposed to daily pathogens.


okie dokie :wink: for second there I thought I had missed one of the studies you posted


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06 Apr 2012, 2:15 am

Zinnel wrote:
hyperlexian wrote:
the one about the colds - introverts get sick MORE than extroverts. the fewer social networks a person has, the more likely they are to get sicker.


Zinnel wrote:
In the other research you posted It mentions that introverts are more susceptible to getting the cold and this maybe true. But this could have more to do with exposure to bacteria and viruses than whether or not the lack of friends weaken their immune system. The presents of friends may help boost ones immune system but having no friends isn't going to weaken it. Its just make you less exposed to daily pathogens.


okie dokie :wink: for second there I thought I had missed one of the studies you posted

having no friends could weaken the immune system, actually. it has been demonstrated in studies and i do not think introverts would be excluded from that fact (considering the other evidence).


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06 Apr 2012, 2:31 am

There are two different concepts about not having any friends and Im going to try to address each:

-The first one is having no friends but being able to do things independently. As hyperlexian said that could be a sign of how unhealthy this person is but there are people that wouldnt mind provided that you had some sort of hobbies or activities you like to do by yourself and you didnt need to be with your partner 24/7, Im sorry man but we all need a break, even if its the most awesome relationship ever your partner needs to have some time to herself and you should have some way of enjoying time by yourself as well

-The second one is having no friends and expecting to become your partners accompany at everything they do.
This does indeed scare people off because its an unhealthy relationship and each of the members of the couple needs their own personal space, doing this you invade theirs



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06 Apr 2012, 2:33 am

hyperlexian wrote:
Zinnel wrote:
hyperlexian wrote:
the one about the colds - introverts get sick MORE than extroverts. the fewer social networks a person has, the more likely they are to get sicker.


Zinnel wrote:
In the other research you posted It mentions that introverts are more susceptible to getting the cold and this maybe true. But this could have more to do with exposure to bacteria and viruses than whether or not the lack of friends weaken their immune system. The presents of friends may help boost ones immune system but having no friends isn't going to weaken it. Its just make you less exposed to daily pathogens.


okie dokie :wink: for second there I thought I had missed one of the studies you posted

having no friends could weaken the immune system, actually. it has been demonstrated in studies and i do not think introverts would be excluded from that fact (considering the other evidence).


If we're talking about the effects of depression and the feeling of loneliness then yeah your right. Because often those who desire friends and yet don't have them experience great stress on themselves in the form of depression and stress has without a doubt been shown to effect the immune system in some pretty nasty ways.

But what we're talking about is not people who desire friends and don't have them. We're talking about people who are content in their isolation or lack of friends in their lives. In a strange sense EXTREME :rambo: introverts. And I think if one is content with having no friends then its possible that they in fact don't need friends.

It could very well be a mind over matter scenario, where they don't need to form these social bonds that most humans(including myself) enjoy.


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06 Apr 2012, 2:40 am

Zinnel wrote:
hyperlexian wrote:
Zinnel wrote:
hyperlexian wrote:
the one about the colds - introverts get sick MORE than extroverts. the fewer social networks a person has, the more likely they are to get sicker.


Zinnel wrote:
In the other research you posted It mentions that introverts are more susceptible to getting the cold and this maybe true. But this could have more to do with exposure to bacteria and viruses than whether or not the lack of friends weaken their immune system. The presents of friends may help boost ones immune system but having no friends isn't going to weaken it. Its just make you less exposed to daily pathogens.


okie dokie :wink: for second there I thought I had missed one of the studies you posted

having no friends could weaken the immune system, actually. it has been demonstrated in studies and i do not think introverts would be excluded from that fact (considering the other evidence).


If we're talking about the effects of depression and the feeling of loneliness then yeah your right. Because often those who desire friends and yet don't have them experience great stress on themselves in the form of depression and stress has without a doubt been shown to effect the immune system in some pretty nasty ways.

But what we're talking about is not people who desire friends and don't have them. We're talking about people who are content in their isolation or lack of friends in their lives. In a strange sense EXTREME :rambo: introverts. And I think if one is content with having no friends then its possible that they in fact don't need friends.

It could very well be a mind over matter scenario, where they don't need to form these social bonds that most humans(including myself) enjoy.

a person doesn't need to feel subjectively lonely in order to be suffering negative mental and physical health effects from lack of friendship. i think people may tell themselves that they don't need friends because it is hard to make and keep friends. but lack of desire for friends would not necessarily mean that friends are not needed.

i lack a desire for most vegetables. in fact, i loathe them. however, that doesn't mean i do not require them for my health.


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