So I had my first meetup with the woman I met on OKC

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You should stick the link in your profile of this site. That way you will get more hits, & in your signature.

Pretty nice guy this “Delyte W. Morris” opening a open admission policy to people who did not get the grades & for the handicapped. Well narrated & tells the story well & that is just the first clip.

What if, assuming I can manage a second date or even a third one, I get her a nice gift to convey what she means to me? I restore antiques, like vintage radios in lovely wooden casings, or a chrome drink mixer for a soda fountain...something I do with my hands that is just for her...that would say volumes I think. Would it convince her of my affections?

no. it is overkill and screams desperation.

But how am I to stand apart from the crowd, and show her what a good person I can be? I mean, my dad gave my mom flowers after their first date, and they were engaged 3 months later. And they're approaching 40 years together.

I'm trying to think of anything that will say, "I'm not like the rest, I'm different. I'm a good person who will respect and never take you for granted"

you don't need to stand out, you need to have chemistry with her. maybe she feels it and maybe she doesn't.

I just wish I could read that. I wish I knew what the heck chemistry was. All I know was that I immensely enjoyed our correspondence, and how we wrote each other nearly every day. She is so intelligent and driven, and she's in basically the same field as I. We could collaborate on a project, be a real team! She's focused on her health, as much as I am in mine, and I just feel about her, 'You're really cool...I want to hang out with you."

I sort of wish there wasn't the whole dating subtext. A guy and girl meet and it becomes "something." What's wrong with hanging out and watching a movie? I'd love that dearly.

That's good Brian, you've laid the trap, now you need to prove to her that you are better than the other guys. You need to tell her affectionate and cute things so she realizes you are the right man. Personally I think buying her a gift is a great idea, buy her a gift and go around her house and say "You were meant to be mine and I'm going to prove it to you" and be assertive when you say it.

You don't have to act like an alpha douche to impress a girl, she will most likely see through that façade and see you as transparent, you just need to be yourself and learn to be comfortable in yourself.

Sure, if you think it might help, yes forever.

Thinking about the OP's dilemma, this song came to mind, written by the Everly Brothers, a big hit for Linda Ronstadt, I actually thought Warren Zevon wrote it but he did not. It pretty much summarizes the OP's situation.



Linda's version

www.youtube.com

No, I meant that if he pressures her and pesters her, he will be the one to mess it up. He has no control over how his date feels about him, all he could do was represent himself as best he could during the actual date and hope for the best.
It's entirely down to her, now.

That's what it always comes down to, doesn't it? How the other person feels? I don't feel choosy at all...I've been willing to give anyone a chance, but it hasn't been reciprocal.

What if it never happens? I've been trying in earnest to find someone for seven years now, and not even managed a third date. Many of those I tried to date have already found their loves and gotten married.

The thought of being alone my whole life just makes me want to end it. I can't bear the thought of living when I don't matter to others.

Yes, yes it is. It's out of your hands. If she's not into you, there's very little you can do about it, you just have to chalk it up to experience and move on without taking it personally. We all have different likes and dislikes, different things that make us interested in spending time with someone. There has to be a chemistry, you either feel it or you don't. Have you never been on a date and really wanted to get the hell out of there?
Please don't take this the wrong way, but the world does not revolve around you. She and any subsequent women will make their own decisions and you'll only hamper your chances by pursuing them or pestering. If she's not into you, you lose both ways. Not only don't you get the girl, you also come off looking like a desperado. Not a quality anyone wants to see, frankly.
And as for the last sentence of your post, that may be how you feel right now, but think of the bigger picture. The future isn't already defined, you don't know what's around the corner. You need to learn to look after you, and be your own best friend. How many marriages and relationships end? People come and go, some stay longer than others, some will f**k you over, you will try your best not to I'm sure, but in some way you will too. You need to take care of you and learn to love and enrich your own life, learn from your mistakes and the mistakes of others you encounter. Once you get that down, you'll know.
It's all about confidence.

Last edited by ZX_SpectrumDisorder on 05 Apr 2012, 11:00 am, edited 1 time in total.

Oh good gawd.

I read it as tongue in cheek. I certainly wouldn't do that. I've already learned my lesson from when I sent a girl a box of homemade cookies for Valentine's Day, and she said she wasn't interested in me. What a f*****g pathetic loser thing for me to do.

Honestly, I can say I've never had a bad date. Each person I've sought, I've done so because they were intelligent, good hearted people, and being around them was really enriching and positive for me. The problem was they didn't feel the same, and every time one of those good, intelligent people forsook me, I sank lower, wondering, "What the hell is wrong with me that they all find me so unappealing?"

I just don't get how some people are constantly in relationships, able to find person after person, and I can't find anyone. I don't believe you can find The One on the first out. It requires trial and error.

But dammit how am I to learn if I can't even get out of the batter's box? I'm desperate for experience so I can know what I want and need, but I can't get that, and I feel I am just flailing about senseless.

You've had some really good answers to that question in this and the other thread. Except instead of thinking of it as "something wrong with you" I encourage you to think of your challenges as specific skills that can be improved with practice and self-reflection. The people for whom relationships may appear easy are actually working at it very hard. My parents are married 40 years and they'll tell you it's the hardest thing they've ever done in their lives.

To be honest, the first step is to cut the negative self defeatist talk and stop allowing your value to be based on a perception or unrealistic expectation of yourself. Sure, you could detach yourself from this girl, flirt with other women, play jealously games but do you really want a girlfriend like that? You need to turn around and say it is her loss and move on.