I'm inadequate

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Hmm OK. You're a dick, though.

Last edited by ZX_SpectrumDisorder on 15 Apr 2012, 3:27 am, edited 1 time in total.

So what can I do now? There is the possibility, however slim, that she actually does like me and just settled for Other Guy because I never made a move.
...Who am I kidding? She chose OG, and who in their right mind wouldn't? The choice between me and him is like the choice between a fully functional sportscar and a broken down average, generic car. Because that's what we are. He's a catch, and I'm screwed up, broken. This whole ordeal just proves that.

Be like a positional chess player and have patience as there relationship might end.
Its a lot like bouncing back from a losing streak of chess matches.
Psychological speaking, your comparison of yourself with him, is not very good for your esteem.
You are you, there's only one of you! For all we know she might find a flaw in his personality that makes her think twice about dating him

Tho right now as some consolation, you do have an advantage as his chess might go off while dating her.
The key here is for you to focus on you and not on him.

I was thinking this same thought. I think it's good that you are going to remain friends with her. You weren't just friends with her just so you could date her right?



A bonus for staying friends. If this relationship fails you'll still be there and you'll get your chance.



There is always going to be somebody better than you at something and somebody better than them and so on and so forth.

I can't sing, I'm not the best cook, I can't think quickly on my feet, I'm not the prettiest... I can go on and on. A lot of the times I used to feel that if I could do some of those things I would be more likeable. But there are things I can do that no one else can. I'm sure you've got a way of saying things or doing things that are special and unique to you.

I've mentioned this earlier but I'm NT and every relationship I've had has been with NT guys. I'm so in love with an Aspie guy now and it's stronger than any love I've felt for any NT. Being with my Aspie is a lot more work than any other relationship that I've been in. I have NT guys interested in me but I'm not interested in them. My guy is different in so many ways and those are the things I love about him. I'm sure some of those guys can do things better than he can but none of them can make quantum physics sound as sexy as he does

All you can do is be the best "you" you can be. That's all any of us can do. From your post you seem sincere and genuine. Those traits go farther than looks or social skills.



You need to think about the things that make you a good catch.

Pretty much what ILMA just said. I would add that it's best to remain at a distance without developing any bitterness towards either party. Remain friends with her, but it's on her terms now or you will look a bit weird and open to ridicule from Other Guy if you 'get in the way'.

Your problem is that you make excuses for being who you are, instead of being perfectly fine with it. And I don't see the logic of being stuck over one girl, especially if you live in a populated area, when in fact probability is on your side just due to the sheer number of girls in your neighborhood who turned 18 today, and may be just as nice and cute, and actually interested in you.
Let me tell you something that should be obvious. Would you like to hang around someone who always look depressed, and as if life was killing him? I wouldn't. So stop presenting yourself as that person by starting from inside. Why are you making excuses for being you? Why don't you take responsibility for being you and try to look like someone else? Why can't you be happy with being you?
Do you think your body is not fit? That's easy, hit the gym. Not for that girl, but for your own sake. Girls like men who take care of themselves. It hints they can take care of business. You smell? Take at least two showers everyday, make sure your smelly areas are washed with soap at least twice or thrice, use a good deodorant, and dress nice or conservative. Learn how to iron your clothes, and don't wear anything frumpy or dirty. Get good shoes. Learn about little stupid things like what the darn Kardashians were up to this week. If you see a girl who is attractive and seem nice, say so frankly and confidently while looking in her eyes (not like a hungry wolf please), and get her number, then leave. You can do that in a minute.
If I came to you with a big smile, and said, hey man, you seem to be a really cool dude, and I figure we should hang out and have a cold beer. Wouldn't you warm up to me right there? Well, women are no different.
Don't ask just one girl, ask as many as you like. You have plenty to choose from. Just increase your own chances man, nobody else will do it for you.

Pretty much sums it up.

NOW THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKIN' ABOUT!

I've never been a positional player. I'm a tactician. My style is modeled after Shirov and Tal's aggressive, ambitious play and I've never been content to patiently play positional chess.

I haven't developed any bitterness toward the girl- I still am very much attracted toward her- but the guy is a different story. I do feel bitter toward him. How can I not, when he's constantly one-upping me?

You're saying that I should be who I am, but who I am is that depressed person who feels like life is killing him- that person you said you wouldn't want to hang out with. I don't make excuses or portray myself as someone I'm not, which is a problem, because I am inferior.

Wow. That was a surprisingly long winded post. By the way, ILMA, curiously enough one of my special interests, like the guy you spoke of, is physics. In fact, I intend to major in physics.

I use to be a tactician then just started out into positional play over the last few months. Lasker, Steinitz and Capablanca have an influence on my style. I find a balance of tactics and position has improve my chess of late, especially after study and trying out in a few lines of the Queen's Gambit, the Caro-Kann and The Ruy Lopez.

You may feel bitter toward him, but you understand you can never show this? You'll only alienate yourself.

Two things:

1) A teacher in high school once told my class "The difference between the poor man and the miserable man, is that the poor man still fights tooth and nail to change his situation". If you don't like who you are, it's up to you to change it. And you don't change by trying to be another person, you change by becoming another person. I still hold a glimmer of hope that you understand the difference.
2) There was a passage I read a while ago in the Bible... Somewhere in the Proverbs of King Solomon. It was advice about not wasting time arguing with fools who can't ever change their minds since the only thing they deserve and understand is having the living cr@p beaten out of them or something of that nature. Well... since it takes a lot to bring me to violence, I'll just say best of luck to you, man. Peace.

I'm not going to say you are wrong for feeling this way, but this ^



Yup, my guy is reading a book about quantum physics-SEXY! I told him I'd have to go check out "quantum physics for dummies". 'Cause this NT is clueless.

You are not inferior. No one is inferior to anyone. History is riddled with people who felt they were superior to others and felt those inferior did not deserve life. We know that to not be true.
Warning-the mother is coming out in me:

Now look here, I need you to realize that you are just as good as everyone else. You are worthy of all the joys in life, just like everyone else. I understand you need the moment to be depressed for a moment. This situation sucks! But then you're going to get it together and get out there and show some girl just how sexy physics can be! Then she's going to run out and buy "Quantum Physics for dummies" just to feel connected to you.

Everyone here is pulling for you. Every day I come here to check on you. One day I'm going to come here and hear good news from you.

Okay, so now I'm really F*cking pissed. The guy has the nerve to, after revealing to me that he's going out with the girl he knows I like, ask me not to tell anyone they're going out. I'm not going to, but not for him, only because she doesn't want me to either. I told him he's lucky that the person he told isn't a manipulative bastard who would take advantage of his situation, and he tells me not to get started with that, he's known me long enough, and knows everything about me. Then when I called his bluff, asking him what, exactly, he knows about me, he said something to the effect of, "Do you really want to test me? I can't think of anything, but if I have to I will make something up." After this, I lost what little shred of respect I had left for him. At this point I really wanted to let the testosterone speak for me and say, "F*ck yes, I want to test you. In fact, we can make this an all out war, because I will not be beaten or intimidated by a lesser intellect." Thankfully I had an ounce of self control left and assured him that I wouldn't tell anyone his secret.

Last edited by The_Postmaster on 15 Apr 2012, 11:39 am, edited 1 time in total.

What a total as*hole. Why are they keeping it quiet?

Let's say that's all true (Dunning-Kruger Effect says its probably not, but just for the sake of argument)

Reverse the situation a little bit. Instead of a guy and a girl there, there's two girls. One plays chess excellently, is really stunning and beautiful, very socially competent, full of cheer and optimism, whereas the other is more intelligent and a better conversationalist. Let's assume, furthermore, that they both like you. Do you automatically pick the first? If so ... have you really considered this long-term?

I mean, how secure are you going to feel with the first one, around other guys? And when you're not playing chess or doing the things couples do, how will you spend your time together with this person who's quickly going to run out of things to talk about?