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How on Earth do you approach & talk to women?

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ValentineWiggin
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07 May 2012, 2:22 pm

MXH wrote:
I not once noticed you say that it was location specific.

Probably because this is the first time it's been mentioned in this entire thread.
MXH wrote:
All ive said is that one should be wary of things before talking.

And all I've said is that the same rules apply to approaching and talking to people, regardless of sex,
and that sex stereotypes are stoooopid.

MXH wrote:
Where did I say that? I simply said there is a higher likelyhood that if she has a fancy dress on she wont care if you talk about football. Now if she has a jersey on then go for football.

Oh, so using contextual clues to begin conversation? Kiiiinda like what you'd do with EITHER SEX?

Winner.
MXH wrote:
No, but you show that you have interest in getting to know them to date. Plus ive noticed most young people dont bother with getting to know someone before dating, but rather simply approach and ask them out.

You've observed "most young people"?


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AspieOtaku
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07 May 2012, 2:24 pm

I don't they usually approach me when I am not expecting it.


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Kurgan
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07 May 2012, 2:24 pm

ValentineWiggin wrote:
And all I've said is that the same rules apply to approaching and talking to people, regardless of sex,
and that sex stereotypes are stoooopid.


Hormones do to a certain degree affect your interests.



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07 May 2012, 2:25 pm

RobotGreenAlien2 wrote:
He's an utter douche and I feel like a douche recommending it at all. But It REALLY helped me.

Anyway, reading a book written but a manipulative douche doesn't make you one. Trust yourself choose what is moral and what is obviously immoral (like undermining her confidence)


I agree acting like a manipulative douche doesn't make you one--but you don't have to emulate manipulative people to get a date.

For example, your earlier post suggested a few joking things to say to girls (one of which seemed patronizing, and the other two indicated violence). If anyone said those things to me I would run the opposite direction. Charles Manson was charismatic, but you don't have to emulate him to get a date.

People do rely on a lot of superficial social skills to feel each other out. But remember that the base for getting someone interested in you is showing them respect, genuine interest, and your true colors.

At least that's one thing you can use to boost your confidence. Maybe you don't know EXACTLY how to act to get someone interested (like Charles Manson would), but at least you can be confident that when that person gets to know you they'll like you a lot more than they'd like Charles Manson.



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07 May 2012, 2:28 pm

crmoore wrote:
I'm still stuck with the same problem I've had for as far back as my memory goes: having no freaking clue how to approach and talk to a woman that looks interesting. Even on OKC, I still can't bring myself to message a total stranger. Whoever came up with this social standard that guys had to be the ones to initiate the conversation first should be taken out back and shot.

Does anyone have any (and I do mean ANY) suggestions as to how to approach someone? I guess I'm willing to limit suggestions to online ideas since there's no way in hell I'll meet a woman in public, but I'll take any advice I can get.


No, your choosing to make it an issue of it and this is why, you taken the initiative to create an topic about it in order to initiate conversation. Really the issue here is your anxiety about approaching strangers and initiating conversation. You created your OP without any anxiety I imagine? If you were anxious about creating a forum topic then that anxiety with be the thing that will hold you back and stop from doing it.

Work on building your self confidence. Also I would suggest you give an CBT technique called graded exposure a go to help overcome thoses fears. Please stop limiting yourself given time and work on thoses issues you will be able to initiate conversations with woman in public.

Now crmoore do you choice to be stuck with this problem? Well if you what get rid of it then you need to change how you think about the problem and the action to take to resolve it.



ValentineWiggin
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07 May 2012, 2:28 pm

Kurgan wrote:
ValentineWiggin wrote:
And all I've said is that the same rules apply to approaching and talking to people, regardless of sex,
and that sex stereotypes are stoooopid.


Hormones do to a certain degree affect your interests.


Not in a neatly-defined algorithmic way which would be remotely reliable when approaching people.
I have sky-high testosterone, yet couldn't care less about sports, muscle-building or (fill in the blank with XYZ "masculine" interest).
Of course, some random person who doesn't know me has no clue as to my testosterone OR interests, except where maybe hints of them might be displayed aesthetically....which is the case for both sexes.

I don't know if this is relevant, but recently it was made known to me that the staff at my gym like to play a game where they guess the professions of patrons. Apparently I'm an art teacher. :lol:


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MXH
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07 May 2012, 2:31 pm

ValentineWiggin wrote:
MXH wrote:
I not once noticed you say that it was location specific.

Probably because this is the first time it's been mentioned in this entire thread.
MXH wrote:
All ive said is that one should be wary of things before talking.

And all I've said is that the same rules apply to approaching and talking to people, regardless of sex,
and that sex stereotypes are stoooopid.

MXH wrote:
Where did I say that? I simply said there is a higher likelyhood that if she has a fancy dress on she wont care if you talk about football. Now if she has a jersey on then go for football.

Oh, so using contextual clues to begin conversation? Kiiiinda like what you'd do with EITHER SEX?

Winner.
MXH wrote:
No, but you show that you have interest in getting to know them to date. Plus ive noticed most young people dont bother with getting to know someone before dating, but rather simply approach and ask them out.

You've observed "most young people"?


Then dont tell me to look back

Ive said that you shouldnt base everything on stereotypes. Rather that you should know things that are likely for women to like. But i do believe stereotypes exist for a reason. Nobody woke up one day and thought itd be hilarious to make fun of blacks for eating chicken, jews for stuff with money, etc. Stereotypes by definition are an exagerated negative truth.

Yes, but id look for different things first with different gender. Which is what ive said for the last 5 posts now.

My observations have been very close to what social media depicts. Theres always people that are different as we are individuals.



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07 May 2012, 2:33 pm

ValentineWiggin wrote:
Kurgan wrote:
ValentineWiggin wrote:
And all I've said is that the same rules apply to approaching and talking to people, regardless of sex,
and that sex stereotypes are stoooopid.


Hormones do to a certain degree affect your interests.


Not in a neatly-defined algorithmic way which would be remotely reliable when approaching people.
I have sky-high testosterone, yet couldn't care less about sports, muscle-building or (fill in the blank with XYZ "masculine" interest).
Of course, some random person who doesn't know me has no clue as to my testosterone OR interests, except where maybe hints of them might be displayed aesthetically....which is the case for both sexes.


Like I said: To a certain degree. Even women with PCOS have only a fraction of the testosterone men have.



ValentineWiggin
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07 May 2012, 2:37 pm

MXH wrote:


Ive said that you shouldnt base everything on stereotypes. Rather that you should know things that are likely for women to like. But i do believe stereotypes exist for a reason.

Ah, so you should just based your interactions with people mostly on stereotypes, then. K.

MXH wrote:


Nobody woke up one day and thought itd be hilarious to make fun of blacks for eating chicken, jews for stuff with money, etc.

No, they came about as a result of centuries of class-based oppression of various groups up to and including enslaving and perpetrating genocide against them.
MXH wrote:


Stereotypes by definition are an exagerated negative truth.

So black people are really lazy, women incompetent weaklings, and men are violent, eh?

Yeah. Cause that helps everyone.

I guess nothing I say will make any sense to you. 8O
MXH wrote:

Yes, but id look for different things first with different gender.

Good luck with that. I'm sure people respond really well to being stereotyped.
MXH wrote:

My observations have been very close to what social media depicts.

Do you know of a mechanism called "priming", by any chance?


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of the human Heart, that very few Men, who have no Property, have any Judgment of their own.
They talk and vote as they are directed by Some Man of Property, who has attached their Minds
to his Interest."


ValentineWiggin
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07 May 2012, 2:40 pm

Kurgan wrote:
ValentineWiggin wrote:
Kurgan wrote:
ValentineWiggin wrote:
And all I've said is that the same rules apply to approaching and talking to people, regardless of sex,
and that sex stereotypes are stoooopid.


Hormones do to a certain degree affect your interests.


Not in a neatly-defined algorithmic way which would be remotely reliable when approaching people.
I have sky-high testosterone, yet couldn't care less about sports, muscle-building or (fill in the blank with XYZ "masculine" interest).
Of course, some random person who doesn't know me has no clue as to my testosterone OR interests, except where maybe hints of them might be displayed aesthetically....which is the case for both sexes.


Like I said: To a certain degree. Even women with PCOS have only a fraction of the testosterone men have.


What neatly-defined system is there for assigning someone interests on the basis of sex?
One which is more reliable than relying on contextual clues given off by the individual in question?


_________________
"Such is the Frailty
of the human Heart, that very few Men, who have no Property, have any Judgment of their own.
They talk and vote as they are directed by Some Man of Property, who has attached their Minds
to his Interest."


Delphiki
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07 May 2012, 2:41 pm

ValentineWiggin wrote:
Kurgan wrote:
ValentineWiggin wrote:
Kurgan wrote:
ValentineWiggin wrote:
And all I've said is that the same rules apply to approaching and talking to people, regardless of sex,
and that sex stereotypes are stoooopid.


Hormones do to a certain degree affect your interests.


Not in a neatly-defined algorithmic way which would be remotely reliable when approaching people.
I have sky-high testosterone, yet couldn't care less about sports, muscle-building or (fill in the blank with XYZ "masculine" interest).
Of course, some random person who doesn't know me has no clue as to my testosterone OR interests, except where maybe hints of them might be displayed aesthetically....which is the case for both sexes.


Like I said: To a certain degree. Even women with PCOS have only a fraction of the testosterone men have.


What neatly-defined system is there for assigning someone interests on the basis of sex?
One which is more reliable than relying on contextual clues given off by the individual in question?


Social Constructs, DUHH


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ValentineWiggin
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07 May 2012, 2:43 pm

Delphiki wrote:

Social Constructs, DUHH


I have a personal hypothesis that Asperger's either results in rigid clinging to supposed truisms,
or classically-INTJ "systems-builders" rejection of dogmatism as prima-facie irrational and therefore inefficient,
with not many in between.

This is the forum I come to when I need more confirmation.


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of the human Heart, that very few Men, who have no Property, have any Judgment of their own.
They talk and vote as they are directed by Some Man of Property, who has attached their Minds
to his Interest."


Delphiki
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07 May 2012, 2:48 pm

ValentineWiggin wrote:
Delphiki wrote:
Social Constructs, DUHH


I have a personal hypothesis that Asperger's either results in rigid clinging to supposed truisms,
or classically-INTJ "systems-builders" rejection of dogmatism as prima-facie irrational and therefore inefficient,
with not many in between.

This is the forum I come to when I need more confirmation.

I dunno about the INTJ part. If I took the myers briggs test the only for sure scores are I and T, and usually J.


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07 May 2012, 2:48 pm

Kurgan wrote:
DogsWithoutHorses wrote:
How would you start a conversation with a man? That could be a starting point for thinking about your approach.


So "Did you watch the formula 1 race yesterday?" or "What supplements do you recommend for optimal muscle growth?" are adequate ways to get a girl's attention?


99% of my problems talking with wimmenz.



ValentineWiggin
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07 May 2012, 2:49 pm

Delphiki wrote:
ValentineWiggin wrote:
Delphiki wrote:
Social Constructs, DUHH


I have a personal hypothesis that Asperger's either results in rigid clinging to supposed truisms,
or classically-INTJ "systems-builders" rejection of dogmatism as prima-facie irrational and therefore inefficient,
with not many in between.

This is the forum I come to when I need more confirmation.

I dunno about the INTJ part. If I took the myers briggs test the only for sure scores are I and T, and usually J.


Ah, well. I still love you.


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of the human Heart, that very few Men, who have no Property, have any Judgment of their own.
They talk and vote as they are directed by Some Man of Property, who has attached their Minds
to his Interest."


MXH
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07 May 2012, 2:49 pm

ValentineWiggin wrote:
MXH wrote:


Ive said that you shouldnt base everything on stereotypes. Rather that you should know things that are likely for women to like. But i do believe stereotypes exist for a reason.

Ah, so you should just based your interactions with people mostly on stereotypes, then. K.

MXH wrote:


Nobody woke up one day and thought itd be hilarious to make fun of blacks for eating chicken, jews for stuff with money, etc.

No, they came about as a result of centuries of class-based oppression of various groups up to and including enslaving and perpetrating genocide against them.
MXH wrote:


Stereotypes by definition are an exagerated negative truth.

So black people are really lazy, women incompetent weaklings, and men are violent, eh?

Yeah. Cause that helps everyone.

I guess nothing I say will make any sense to you. 8O
MXH wrote:

Yes, but id look for different things first with different gender.

Good luck with that. I'm sure people respond really well to being stereotyped.
MXH wrote:

My observations have been very close to what social media depicts.

Do you know of a mechanism called "priming", by any chance?

You talk to stereotypes to the guy that has been kicked out of places for "looking suspicious" aka being young and brown. Ive had cops follow me home and then pretend they werent when i stopped and confronted them. People have assumed I must be X and Y because im hispanic, or asked me if I spoke mexican. Plus ive dealt with all the male gender stereotypes too. I think i know a thing or two about stereotypes. If anything i guess no way that i word things will you even get close to what im saying, let lone understand it.