Dating an aspie - when to kiss him?

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IlovemyAspie
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18 May 2012, 1:48 pm

I LOVE MY ASPIE!! !! ! :D



ChrisP
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18 May 2012, 3:30 pm

I love my Aspie too! (Married 30 years come Christmas!)



Delphiki
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18 May 2012, 10:20 pm

gaffa91 wrote:
aarpar, PLEASE learn some reading skills. If I wonder why anyone would prefer to date with aspie, that doesn't mean that anyone shouldn't date with them.

Your cases are just some occasions, the whole picture is what matters most. And that says that aspies are weaker at relationships, sex is worse and divorce rate is higher. Statistical fact.

gaffa91 wrote:
Lastly, 99/100 are not NTs. It's more like 75/100 are.

Oh sorry, I meant that 99 out of 100 are not on the autistic spectrum. But maybe humanity should do something about it, because if this is true, the rate is way too low.

gaffa91 wrote:
And you are trolling. Your posts are degrading to this whole section of the forum.

That doesn't mean I'm trolling if I discuss a lot with this topic.


Sex is worse? where is the statistical fact for that?

and a recent study has shown that 1/88 kids have autism and get special services. So the rate of people that have autism is even higher.


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Joker
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18 May 2012, 10:27 pm

If he is anything like me just let him know that your going to kiss him that away your not envading his personal space.



gaffa91
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19 May 2012, 12:49 am

Delphiki wrote:
Sex is worse? where is the statistical fact for that?

You can't measure subjective things objectively, but do the math: Aspies have bad social skills -> Less sexual experience -> Skills are worse than NTs.



Joker
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19 May 2012, 12:52 am

gaffa91 wrote:
Delphiki wrote:
Sex is worse? where is the statistical fact for that?


You can't measure subjective things objectively, but do the math: Aspies have bad social skills -> Less sexual experience -> Skills are worse than NTs.


I have a whole lot of sexual experience plenty of us Aspies on WP do to. My social skills are not great but I do the best I can.



IlovemyAspie
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19 May 2012, 2:11 am

Woo Hoo Joker! Wondered when you were going to bring that out! :D



Joker
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19 May 2012, 2:27 am

IlovemyAspie wrote:
Woo Hoo Joker! Wondered when you were going to bring that out! :D


:lol: I happen to know plenty of girls with AS with a lot of sexual experience you don't need good social skills to be great at sex :wink:



Delphiki
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19 May 2012, 7:18 am

gaffa91 wrote:
Delphiki wrote:
Sex is worse? where is the statistical fact for that?

You can't measure subjective things objectively, but do the math: Aspies have bad social skills -> Less sexual experience -> Skills are worse than NTs.


I like how you didn't address the more important part of my message :wink: First you say that it is a statistical fact for that that people with aspergers are worse at sex. Then you realize you didn't have a statistic so you tell me to just use my common sense, nice.


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SluvsK
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19 May 2012, 9:55 am

IlovemyAspie wrote:
I LOVE MY ASPIE!! !! ! :D


Me, too! :) I'm NT, btw. I don't care what statistics say - I wouldn't trade him for anything in the world.



Last edited by SluvsK on 23 May 2012, 5:20 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Berrygirl
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21 May 2012, 6:29 am

Hey gaffa91,
You're entitled to your opinion of course but I don't share it.
My last partner was an extremely sociable man who was popular with the ladies and a very good lover but I left him because of other faults in his personality. I've chosen to date this man because I feel a profound connection with him. He's kind, giving, sensitive and very attractive as far as I'm concerned. He's a bit awkward certainly when it comes to seducing women but that doesn't put me off him. I can be quite shy myself though I'm probably not on the Asperger's spectrum. So my motives are: I really like this man, I think he would be a good boyfriend and I want to give it a chance. I have had lots of offers from other men as I'm considered quite physically attractive but I'm not interested in them. I don't think there's something wrong with me because I fancy a man with Asperger's and if there is I don't care. Anyway, Asperger's is a very broad term. There are so many different types of people who can fall within the spectrum and each person is unique. And I'm sure they can be very good lovers too. They don't have to be especially sociable for that.



Berrygirl
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21 May 2012, 6:37 am

And apologies to anyone such as BlueMax who felt offended by the ensuing discussion: I didn't mean to open such a can of worms, however indirectly! I'm very grateful for the advice given and I find it's helping things move along in a positive direction.



AspieOtaku
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24 May 2012, 2:16 am

Berrygirl wrote:
Hey gaffa91,
You're entitled to your opinion of course but I don't share it.
My last partner was an extremely sociable man who was popular with the ladies and a very good lover but I left him because of other faults in his personality. I've chosen to date this man because I feel a profound connection with him. He's kind, giving, sensitive and very attractive as far as I'm concerned. He's a bit awkward certainly when it comes to seducing women but that doesn't put me off him. I can be quite shy myself though I'm probably not on the Asperger's spectrum. So my motives are: I really like this man, I think he would be a good boyfriend and I want to give it a chance. I have had lots of offers from other men as I'm considered quite physically attractive but I'm not interested in them. I don't think there's something wrong with me because I fancy a man with Asperger's and if there is I don't care. Anyway, Asperger's is a very broad term. There are so many different types of people who can fall within the spectrum and each person is unique. And I'm sure they can be very good lovers too. They don't have to be especially sociable for that.
I wish more NTs could be more like you Delphiki and Ilovemyaspie. :D


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BlueMax
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24 May 2012, 2:31 am

Berrygirl wrote:
And apologies to anyone such as BlueMax who felt offended by the ensuing discussion: I didn't mean to open such a can of worms, however indirectly! I'm very grateful for the advice given and I find it's helping things move along in a positive direction.

That little personal attack was certainly uncalled for... I've only been trying to help, and to call out a couple of people who were not only being UNhelpful, but also attacking a broad range of people.



Berrygirl
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24 May 2012, 12:31 pm

So I tried again but it totally backfired. I tried taking some of the advice here but I failed in regard to timing.I went to see him (unexpectedly) when I was on my way somewhere else and he had slept late and I woke him up when I knocked. He invited me in anyway to have tea while he had breakfast before going to work. When I was leaving I tried then and he turned his cheek to me and I asked 'May I kiss you?' and he let me kiss him then he kissed me again. I thought this was a good thing but when I rang him later he was grumpy and I got annoyed with him and asked what was wrong. He suddenly had an almost violent outburst of temper and said I had been annoying and made him late for work when I came to call and that I had been yapping. Yapping?!I asked. Yap yap! Bark bark! he said in a falsetto voice. This totally shocked and upset me as no man has ever talked ot me like this or reacted this way before and I told him I never wanted to speak to him again. Since then he e-mailed me and said that instead of being angry he thought I should be grateful he was 'gentle' when I came to call and didn't lose his temper because I had been annoying him when he was trying to get ready and 'yapping' (I think this means when I made an affectionate noise as I hugged him!) and that my 'posing' and 'flirtations' upset him very much while he was trying to get ready (as if I did it on purpose to annoy him). He said I should know he wasn't ready for this as he feels it is too soon since my last relationship ended (a few months but he was a friend of my ex) and he just wanted to hang out for now and it is a 'long game' getting to know him. I can respect that if it's what he wants but I am quite shocked by the violence of his anger and the things he said. I don't know what I should do now and I won't contact him unless he wants to contact me. I know he might react badly because my timing was bad, but alarm bells are going off in my head at his anger and meanness.



SpiritBlooms
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24 May 2012, 2:06 pm

Berrygirl wrote:
So I tried again but it totally backfired. I tried taking some of the advice here but I failed in regard to timing.I went to see him (unexpectedly) when I was on my way somewhere else and he had slept late and I woke him up when I knocked. He invited me in anyway to have tea while he had breakfast before going to work. When I was leaving I tried then and he turned his cheek to me and I asked 'May I kiss you?' and he let me kiss him then he kissed me again. I thought this was a good thing but when I rang him later he was grumpy and I got annoyed with him and asked what was wrong. He suddenly had an almost violent outburst of temper and said I had been annoying and made him late for work when I came to call and that I had been yapping. Yapping?!I asked. Yap yap! Bark bark! he said in a falsetto voice. This totally shocked and upset me as no man has ever talked ot me like this or reacted this way before and I told him I never wanted to speak to him again. Since then he e-mailed me and said that instead of being angry he thought I should be grateful he was 'gentle' when I came to call and didn't lose his temper because I had been annoying him when he was trying to get ready and 'yapping' (I think this means when I made an affectionate noise as I hugged him!) and that my 'posing' and 'flirtations' upset him very much while he was trying to get ready (as if I did it on purpose to annoy him). He said I should know he wasn't ready for this as he feels it is too soon since my last relationship ended (a few months but he was a friend of my ex) and he just wanted to hang out for now and it is a 'long game' getting to know him. I can respect that if it's what he wants but I am quite shocked by the violence of his anger and the things he said. I don't know what I should do now and I won't contact him unless he wants to contact me. I know he might react badly because my timing was bad, but alarm bells are going off in my head at his anger and meanness.


The thing is, although he needs to be less abusive about it, you threw off his routine and surprised him. I'm sure I'm not alone in the aspie world in that I detest being surprised by an unplanned visit, especially if it throws off my routine. Two routines that were extremely important to me when I had a job were my morning pre-work routine and my Sunday pre-work-week routine. I desperately needed both in order to prepare myself for the day or week ahead, and if they were thrown off my entire day or week could be thrown off to some degree. The reason these were so important was that dealing with people was stressful, and they set a tone and pattern for those times when I was forced to deal with people, with some time to myself, just being in tune with me.

It was an innocent error on your part. If you knew him better you'd probably realize before doing it what you did that upset him in this instance. His anger is probably more about frustration than meanness. His day was thrown off, and it's possible he doesn't even realize fully why, or how to explain it.