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What if I never get to even get into bed with a man?

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Tequila
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24 Jun 2012, 1:33 pm

noname_ever wrote:
If you are female, go to a place where the alcohol is flowing, find some guy who is alone, and mention being horny. It make take a few tries, but you can usually get laid by the end of the night. And then the whole virginity problem is solved once and for all.


That sounds horrible and squalid. I wouldn't want to lose my virginity like that and I can't really see any woman with a half-decent brain wanting to lose their virginity like that either. It sounds soulless and depressing, to be honest. Not for me.



noname_ever
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24 Jun 2012, 1:45 pm

Tequila wrote:
noname_ever wrote:
If you are female, go to a place where the alcohol is flowing, find some guy who is alone, and mention being horny. It make take a few tries, but you can usually get laid by the end of the night. And then the whole virginity problem is solved once and for all.


That sounds horrible and squalid. I wouldn't want to lose my virginity like that and I can't really see any woman with a half-decent brain wanting to lose their virginity like that either. It sounds soulless and depressing, to be honest. Not for me.


No one said it was a pretty fairy tale method, but it is still a method. If you want to keep your standards, realize they might price you out of the market.



noname_ever
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24 Jun 2012, 1:52 pm

DogsWithoutHorses wrote:
Kurgan wrote:
DogsWithoutHorses wrote:
Shebakoby wrote:
noname_ever wrote:
If you die a virgin at 80, it means you turned down many who would have wanted to have sex with you and that you didn't ask some random guy on the street to have sex. You're female, he odds are on your side (they may not be what you're attracted to, but you can't have everything).


Except for people who haven't turned anyone down because they were never approached.


don't you know, everything is always harder for the poor menz always, and women have no problems with dating/hook-ups
and it's so unfair and wahwah no women reward my niceness with vagina


You're derailing a thread by mentioning an irrelevant, derogatory internet stereotype that probably accounts for roughly 5% of self-proclaimed nice guys?

The passive role is the easier role. A woman who isn't approached still needs to get herself out there, though...

@OP: 80 year old virgins aren't "common" and unless there's something bizarre about you that really sets you apart from other women with mild Asperger's, chances are that you'll probably lose it in the near future.


If by get herself out there you mean be pretty, thin, white and cisgendered then yes all she has to do is get out and some man will be available, there's no assurance of quality though.
I've seen men here say that they wouldn't want to lose it with someone they aren't attracted too (even if they want sex really bad) and I think that's sound. Standards shouldn't evaporate just because someone is a virgin.

If you're a women and your appearance doesn't inspire men to proposition you. You're kind of at a dead end. There is negative reinforcement for being an aggressor (people here can say how mush they'd like a girl to hit on them all they want, this is still true).
A woman doesn't get a chance to mount a charm offensive or captivate with her personality until she has already been deemed f**kable by the random guy approaching her.

While it may be true that you can get a higher quantity of opportunity as a certain kind of woman. You also have many fewer tools to create those opportunities yourself on your own terms.

Can we talk about op's specific issues without jumping to point out how easy it should be because she's a woman. How would you feel if you were struggling with something and instead of being helpful people just told you how easy it should be. It's dismissive.


Plenty of ugly women have sex, many have kids. You do not have to be pretty. Having a vagina is sufficient in many cases. It might be sex with men you aren't attracted to. Them's the breaks.

Its easy to be dismissive when it's an easily solvable problem. However, the OP probably over exaggerated the problem (sex with a guy she wants instead of any random guy). The first is easily solvable in my area. The second is not.



DogsWithoutHorses
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24 Jun 2012, 2:11 pm

JanuaryMan wrote:
Dogs....why does she have to be all those things to get herself out there?


I'm not saying that, I'm saying that the idea that all a woman has to do is walk outside to have suitors lining up is, if valid in any case, which I question, limited to 'conventionally attractive' feminine women which in America translates to white thin cis and ablebodied.


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noname_ever
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24 Jun 2012, 2:23 pm

DogsWithoutHorses wrote:
JanuaryMan wrote:
Dogs....why does she have to be all those things to get herself out there?


I'm not saying that, I'm saying that the idea that all a woman has to do is walk outside to have suitors lining up is, if valid in any case, which I question, limited to 'conventionally attractive' feminine women which in America translates to white thin cis and ablebodied.


Go to any trailer park and you will see that the women with the suitors don't look like that.



Ginevra
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24 Jun 2012, 2:51 pm

Tequila wrote:
noname_ever wrote:
If you are female, go to a place where the alcohol is flowing, find some guy who is alone, and mention being horny. It make take a few tries, but you can usually get laid by the end of the night. And then the whole virginity problem is solved once and for all.


That sounds horrible and squalid. I wouldn't want to lose my virginity like that and I can't really see any woman with a half-decent brain wanting to lose their virginity like that either. It sounds soulless and depressing, to be honest. Not for me.
Yes, I agree. I'm neither willing nor capable of doing a thing like that.
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If you are socially paralyzed talking to strangers, perhaps as a friend or family member to help you hook up through one of their social circle. Remember, you aren't looking for relationship material, just sex. The bar is much lower.
Maybe I didn't make myself clear- I'm not desperately trying to "solve the virginity problem", although I'm sad because I think that I've missed a lot. But, as I've written before, I'm looking for someone to care for and to trust. I'm not talking about love because that's a big word, and it's surely really hard to find. But I don't see myself sleeping with a stanger or even an acquaintance I don't really like and feeling comfortable with it, because it takes me some time to trust and to become familiar with people. I don't want to do something I don't feel comfortable with just to be able to say "Hooray, I finally lost it!". I'm not that desperate.



DogsWithoutHorses
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24 Jun 2012, 2:59 pm

noname_ever wrote:
DogsWithoutHorses wrote:
JanuaryMan wrote:
Dogs....why does she have to be all those things to get herself out there?


I'm not saying that, I'm saying that the idea that all a woman has to do is walk outside to have suitors lining up is, if valid in any case, which I question, limited to 'conventionally attractive' feminine women which in America translates to white thin cis and ablebodied.


Go to any trailer park and you will see that the women with the suitors don't look like that.


Not ones they picked off some huge varied pile. And those guys are no prizes either. And you also don't know how an individual woman got with her mate. She may have put in a lot of work for it.

I didn't say only a small subset of women get to date. I said only a small subset of women experience the kind of attention the 22yr old leggy blonde at the bar is perceived too (which is no guarantee or picnic either) and it's disingenuous to pretend otherwise.


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Kurgan
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24 Jun 2012, 3:18 pm

DogsWithoutHorses wrote:
If by get herself out there you mean be pretty, thin, white and cisgendered then yes all she has to do is get out and some man will be available, there's no assurance of quality though.
I've seen men here say that they wouldn't want to lose it with someone they aren't attracted too (even if they want sex really bad) and I think that's sound. Standards shouldn't evaporate just because someone is a virgin.


Are you assuming that the OP isn't pretty, normal weight or cisgendered? She describes herself as reasonably attractive.

Most non-white, somewhat overweight girls are still in a long-term relationship by the time they hit 22-23.

Please bear in mind that I didn't tell the OP to f*ck any man that was available. If none of the men hitting on her are good enough, chances are that she's aiming too high, though. Back when I was 16 and had never had a girlfriend, a hideous girl liked me. Of course I didn't date her or have sex with her.

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If you're a women and your appearance doesn't inspire men to proposition you. You're kind of at a dead end.


This is only natural. If a woman isn't reasonably good-looking, our instincts are hard-wired to think that there's something wrong with her genetics.

Quote:
There is negative reinforcement for being an aggressor (people here can say how mush they'd like a girl to hit on them all they want, this is still true).
A woman doesn't get a chance to mount a charm offensive or captivate with her personality until she has already been deemed f**kable by the random guy approaching her.


Who cares about that as long as he's into you in the first place? "Charm" or anything like that is unnecessary hassle and I'd love it if girls cared less about it. It's much easier not having to rely on charm than having to rely on it.

Quote:
While it may be true that you can get a higher quantity of opportunity as a certain kind of woman. You also have many fewer tools to create those opportunities yourself on your own terms.


If none of the opportunities present are good enough, a woman is still free to take the active role. Of course, since having the passive role is easier and yelds results, very few women resort to taking the active role.

Quote:
Can we talk about op's specific issues without jumping to point out how easy it should be because she's a woman. How would you feel if you were struggling with something and instead of being helpful people just told you how easy it should be. It's dismissive.


You're the one who derailed the thread. I've already given her my advice and that is to get herself out there. The OP wrote in her first post that there were boys who fancied her.



noname_ever
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24 Jun 2012, 3:25 pm

DogsWithoutHorses wrote:
noname_ever wrote:
DogsWithoutHorses wrote:
JanuaryMan wrote:
Dogs....why does she have to be all those things to get herself out there?


I'm not saying that, I'm saying that the idea that all a woman has to do is walk outside to have suitors lining up is, if valid in any case, which I question, limited to 'conventionally attractive' feminine women which in America translates to white thin cis and ablebodied.


Go to any trailer park and you will see that the women with the suitors don't look like that.


Not ones they picked off some huge varied pile. And those guys are no prizes either. And you also don't know how an individual woman got with her mate. She may have put in a lot of work for it.

I didn't say only a small subset of women get to date. I said only a small subset of women experience the kind of attention the 22yr old leggy blonde at the bar is perceived too (which is no guarantee or picnic either) and it's disingenuous to pretend otherwise.


OMG, attractive women have more men trying to have sex with them than ugly women, who knew. It still doesn't mean the ugly woman won't get laid that night after the attractive women leave. A 2 at closing time can be better than going home alone.



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24 Jun 2012, 3:50 pm

noname_ever wrote:
DogsWithoutHorses wrote:
noname_ever wrote:
DogsWithoutHorses wrote:
JanuaryMan wrote:
Dogs....why does she have to be all those things to get herself out there?


I'm not saying that, I'm saying that the idea that all a woman has to do is walk outside to have suitors lining up is, if valid in any case, which I question, limited to 'conventionally attractive' feminine women which in America translates to white thin cis and ablebodied.


Go to any trailer park and you will see that the women with the suitors don't look like that.


Not ones they picked off some huge varied pile. And those guys are no prizes either. And you also don't know how an individual woman got with her mate. She may have put in a lot of work for it.

I didn't say only a small subset of women get to date. I said only a small subset of women experience the kind of attention the 22yr old leggy blonde at the bar is perceived too (which is no guarantee or picnic either) and it's disingenuous to pretend otherwise.


OMG, attractive women have more men trying to have sex with them than ugly women, who knew. It still doesn't mean the ugly woman won't get laid that night after the attractive women leave. A 2 at closing time can be better than going home alone.


a lot of people don't think just anything is preferable to nothing at all.
see, kurgan not wanting to date the hideous girl


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24 Jun 2012, 4:00 pm

DogsWithoutHorses wrote:
noname_ever wrote:
DogsWithoutHorses wrote:
noname_ever wrote:
DogsWithoutHorses wrote:
JanuaryMan wrote:
Dogs....why does she have to be all those things to get herself out there?


I'm not saying that, I'm saying that the idea that all a woman has to do is walk outside to have suitors lining up is, if valid in any case, which I question, limited to 'conventionally attractive' feminine women which in America translates to white thin cis and ablebodied.


Go to any trailer park and you will see that the women with the suitors don't look like that.


Not ones they picked off some huge varied pile. And those guys are no prizes either. And you also don't know how an individual woman got with her mate. She may have put in a lot of work for it.

I didn't say only a small subset of women get to date. I said only a small subset of women experience the kind of attention the 22yr old leggy blonde at the bar is perceived too (which is no guarantee or picnic either) and it's disingenuous to pretend otherwise.


OMG, attractive women have more men trying to have sex with them than ugly women, who knew. It still doesn't mean the ugly woman won't get laid that night after the attractive women leave. A 2 at closing time can be better than going home alone.


a lot of people don't think just anything is preferable to nothing at all.
see, kurgan not wanting to date the hideous girl


Yes, correct, I'm preferable to nothing at all to "anything." I don't however see why you had to redirect this post of hers towards the evil nice guys and their dastardliness.

To the OP, don't worry and just pursue things you wish to pursue. If love or whatever comes, it does, if it doesn't, it doesn't. I feel it's not something I can chase after and just "work" towards, it either comes or it doesn't. In life, it seems some things you must work for, and some things just come.

Besides, what happened to the values, of, oh, 30-40 years ago of being a virgin before marriage?



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24 Jun 2012, 4:06 pm

DogsWithoutHorses wrote:
a lot of people don't think just anything is preferable to nothing at all.
see, kurgan not wanting to date the hideous girl


That being the case, maybe they should word their problem as "I can't find anyone I'd like to have sex with" or "none of the people I like seem receptive" rather than making it all about the virginity.

The suggestions offered were perfectly valid solutions for someone whose primary concern is simply losing their virginity.

If the main issue is finding someone worthwhile, and the virginity itself is a secondary concern, that is valid too. But the original post certainly made it seem as though simply gaining sexual experience in a "reasonable" timeframe was her main goal.


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TM
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24 Jun 2012, 4:12 pm

I have to wonder what standards the OP has, some people have standards way out of their league.



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24 Jun 2012, 4:18 pm

TM wrote:
I have to wonder what standards the OP has, some people have standards way out of their league.


Going by her past posts, I think her issue has more to do with extreme anxiety in social situations, rather than having unreasonable standards.


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Well as life gets longer, awful feels softer. 
And it feels pretty soft to me. 

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24 Jun 2012, 4:23 pm

mds_02 wrote:
TM wrote:
I have to wonder what standards the OP has, some people have standards way out of their league.


Going by her past posts, I think her issue has more to do with extreme anxiety in social situations, rather than having unreasonable standards.


2 - 3 shots of hard liquor or a xanax can fix that. Or you know, cognitive behavioral therapy if you want to take the hard and less fun route.



noname_ever
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24 Jun 2012, 4:27 pm

1000Knives wrote:
DogsWithoutHorses wrote:
noname_ever wrote:
DogsWithoutHorses wrote:
noname_ever wrote:
DogsWithoutHorses wrote:
JanuaryMan wrote:
Dogs....why does she have to be all those things to get herself out there?


I'm not saying that, I'm saying that the idea that all a woman has to do is walk outside to have suitors lining up is, if valid in any case, which I question, limited to 'conventionally attractive' feminine women which in America translates to white thin cis and ablebodied.


Go to any trailer park and you will see that the women with the suitors don't look like that.


Not ones they picked off some huge varied pile. And those guys are no prizes either. And you also don't know how an individual woman got with her mate. She may have put in a lot of work for it.

I didn't say only a small subset of women get to date. I said only a small subset of women experience the kind of attention the 22yr old leggy blonde at the bar is perceived too (which is no guarantee or picnic either) and it's disingenuous to pretend otherwise.


OMG, attractive women have more men trying to have sex with them than ugly women, who knew. It still doesn't mean the ugly woman won't get laid that night after the attractive women leave. A 2 at closing time can be better than going home alone.


a lot of people don't think just anything is preferable to nothing at all.
see, kurgan not wanting to date the hideous girl


Yes, correct, I'm preferable to nothing at all to "anything." I don't however see why you had to redirect this post of hers towards the evil nice guys and their dastardliness.

To the OP, don't worry and just pursue things you wish to pursue. If love or whatever comes, it does, if it doesn't, it doesn't. I feel it's not something I can chase after and just "work" towards, it either comes or it doesn't. In life, it seems some things you must work for, and some things just come.

Besides, what happened to the values, of, oh, 30-40 years ago of being a virgin before marriage?

I don't think being a virgin until married was a big issue in the 1960's and 1970's. Also, there isn't as much pressure to be married as there was in the past. Saving sex for marriage isn't that bad when you're getting married by age 14. It is horrible if you aren't getting married until age 40.