Why do nt women leave and some don't?

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Some of this has been on another thread but here is the details of my marriage in point form
2004- wife says simething wrong with you. she accepts my apologies for my Behaviour
2009- see a counselor for a few sessions. Says my behaviour stems back to my family ( non emotional people). No mention of AS
Dec 2011- wife reads about AS says that's me. I see a shrink and end up at a counsellor who specializes in AS. See her monthly by myself.
Feb 2012- wife finds an investment property. Tells me worst case scenario she can live there as she is having trouble with my AS. Can imagine me picking her up there for dates.
Mar 2012- tenants move in to investment property. We are seeing counsellor together. I spend a few nights a week at mums.
may 2012- tells tenants to get out. I live with my sister and bro in law. We separate. Counsellor tells me that wife as not made mind up on our relationship, needs time out in own house to think.
Problems identified as controlling , tight with $, lacks emotion, intimacy etc. agree and need to work on.
June 2012 - here we are . Separate houses, no financial split, neither of us want that. Limbo land. If I mention anything about the future I get nothing, no promises, no hope offered. Just responses don't push me, won't like the response. Let's play out and see what happens. After move out house becomes pigsty, wife not coping. Asks me to support her via her not working for next 6 months, being a mum, having son most ofhuge timeI say ok, next day house is clean and she feels better.
Still seeing counsellor either separately or together.

My dilemma ? I'm devastated . Just when I finally accepted how I was different , have a mental ilness and looked to make improvements she told me can't help and I have to do by myself.
Move on or live my life but hope. Friends 50/50 each action.
I am concerned that the whole breakdown is being blamed on me
Me I choose hope. Will change for me, not for her because I want to change for me
Could I get hurt- for sure.
What must she do- must accept will always have AS but am working to change myself. Better communication needed from both of us. Many women can accept that and return to marriage, not sure about my wife,

Opinions ? How do you think will play out?

OP, your wife is part of the problem when she tells you "don't push me" and seemingly isn't willing to give you an answer. This is typical for the NTs, but I fault her as this is part of the problem. So no, it's not just you in this case. I'm saying that to patronize you, I really mean it. Your wife's finicky emotions are part of the problem.

Ultimately, it will boil down to how her separated life is going. If she can find a man who she likes better, or she becomes self-sufficient, she probably won't come back to you. If she's struggling, she may see tolerating your AS as a necessary evil. Plus, there's a child involved. That said, I think it's clear she's not happy about the fact that her husband has AS and ideally would end the marriage. She may work with you out of necessity, but if she had her needs met and could get a clean divorce, she probably would.

Just my opinion. Sorry to sound cynical. Just being honest.

Yes, more now that I have the diagnosis and realise how I wasn't meeting her needs. The reality is ( and I have explained this to our councillor) is that I can totally put myself in her shoes and realise what I was doing 'wrong'. I will never be perfect but I will be a lot better. My friends have noticed and wife also how far I have come.
The sad thing is just as I am doing this my wife distances herself from me and says cruel things like you had your chance 8 years ago. I just hope it's not to late because I still feel there is some hope for us if she can see past the AS. Maybe she needs time away to cool down for the anger she feels to me as a result of the AS over the years. I can understand that. But I still could leave with nothing

She probably is leaning that way but still won't pull the it's over trigger, but I hope not. She is happy for me to provide support etc in other ways $ . She has been extremely scared that my family will rally behind me and steamroll her. She does not talk to her family and has not for years.
Can u tell I'm a little bitter that I may not get a second chance. All people I honestly ask say I am owed that_ even if just a few dates to test the water.
My wife doesn't even like my family. They are to emotionally cold for her

I really want to save my marriage and am doing everything I can. I can hold my head high knowing I have/am doing my best , not sure if she is trying or even entertaining the notion of her having responsibility

True, those are the 2 options. I Have a session with councillor soon and we can discuss. options. There is also someone at my support group in exactly same position, it's uncanny.

I do think I need to give her some time in the new house, she may thaw a little there. What's a month or two in the scheme of things. We also have a short holiday we booked months ago to go on as friends. Probably tougher for me than her.

Yes I am uncertain either because of aspie ness or personality!

Overall though I love my wife and child. As hard as it is I am going to try and salvage the marriage. And bugger its going to be hard. She knows that i am trying. A divorce will be hard but to me that is absolute last resort . Hope is what I have but not much.