Question for the females.

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The_Face_of_Boo
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06 Jul 2012, 1:26 pm

hyperlexian wrote:

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

Like about 7 out of 10 of girls i meeting lately value the guy by his $$.

I thought at first that I might have been unfair about it but well....

It's a fu*kl@$#% fact.

the other day, i was showing the wedding pics and vids to a female acquaintance ( http://www.wrongplanet.net/postxf164596-0-75.html ) and she literally said "awww, i really want to marry a man with a lot of money to have a wedding like this"

lol.

Foreigner girls are less likely to be like that but I do keep my alarm sensors on till proven otherwise.

you don't make THAT much money, do you? it seems to me that you increased the number of replies (and women who messaged you first), by posting more explicit pix, NOT by suddenly making more money.

It matters to them a lot for the later stages, hyper.

mv
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06 Jul 2012, 1:30 pm

hyperlexian, I'm so glad you linked that thing from Psychology Today! I've been thinking exactly along those lines lately, and how difficult it is to remain one's own "authentic adult" in a less-than-ideally-healthy relationship. Glad to see it in print!

Oh, and Boo, I must be one of the three out of 10. I walk away (chuckling to myself, usually) the moment a man starts trying to tell me/show me how much money he has.

MXH
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06 Jul 2012, 1:47 pm

mv wrote:

likely you are, and power to you forbeing that way. But its not what the majority follow. To make an impact on dating you must be able to open more doors, no matter what they are an open door leads itself to more.

hyperlexian
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06 Jul 2012, 1:56 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

hyperlexian wrote:

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

you don't make THAT much money, do you? it seems to me that you increased the number of replies (and women who messaged you first), by posting more explicit pix, NOT by suddenly making more money.

It matters to them a lot for the later stages, hyper.

you have your income on your OKC profile, don't you? so they are perfectly aware of how much money you make right at the outset.

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smudge
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06 Jul 2012, 1:56 pm

mv wrote:

Oh, and Boo, I must be one of the three out of 10. I walk away (chuckling to myself, usually) the moment a man starts trying to tell me/show me how much money he has.

See, that's unfair to just exclude all well-off men. I can't believe I just said that. You're judging them before you know them because they're wealthy. That's like assuming every handsome man is shallow, which is just not true. There's pretty and wealthy people who are kind. You're excluding all of those and creating a new form of shallowness!!

The_Face_of_Boo
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06 Jul 2012, 1:56 pm

hyperlexian wrote:

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

hyperlexian wrote:

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

you don't make THAT much money, do you? it seems to me that you increased the number of replies (and women who messaged you first), by posting more explicit pix, NOT by suddenly making more money.

It matters to them a lot for the later stages, hyper.

you have your income on your OKC profile, don't you? so they are perfectly aware of how much money you make right at the outset.

lol hyper, some didn't even read what my height is.

hyperlexian
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06 Jul 2012, 1:59 pm

mv wrote:

i am thinking along those lines too, because i believe that i have been too emotionally dependent on partners in the past. in the later stages, my ex-husband and i became independent in our relationship as it became clear that we were not living in a healthy situation in some ways, so we sought to become true individuals who were joined in a marriage. the relationship did not survive regardless, but we became much healthier people in the long run.

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hyperlexian
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06 Jul 2012, 2:00 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

hyperlexian wrote:

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

hyperlexian wrote:

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

you don't make THAT much money, do you? it seems to me that you increased the number of replies (and women who messaged you first), by posting more explicit pix, NOT by suddenly making more money.

It matters to them a lot for the later stages, hyper.

you have your income on your OKC profile, don't you? so they are perfectly aware of how much money you make right at the outset.

lol hyper, some didn't even read what my height is.

then it is evidently not the most important aspect to them. if something is important to them, they will read it.

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mv
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06 Jul 2012, 2:12 pm

smudge wrote:

mv wrote:

Oh, and Boo, I must be one of the three out of 10. I walk away (chuckling to myself, usually) the moment a man starts trying to tell me/show me how much money he has.

No, I think you've misunderstood me, terribly. I mean that I chuckle and walk away when a man *purposely* tries to use his "wealth" to interest me. It just means that we're fundamentally incompatible about the notion of wealth (and I'm embarrassed for him). If he's wealthy but quiet or humble about it, I have no problem with that (and no opinion, either, really).

smudge
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06 Jul 2012, 2:32 pm

mv wrote:

smudge wrote:

mv wrote:

Oh, and Boo, I must be one of the three out of 10. I walk away (chuckling to myself, usually) the moment a man starts trying to tell me/show me how much money he has.

Ah, I see what you mean.

AspergianMutantt
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06 Jul 2012, 5:10 pm

hyperlexian wrote:

AspergianMutantt, when your ideals bite you in the butt, then it is a sign that they no longer work for you. your ideal of being mutually dependent (aka "codependent", which i assure you is a very bad road) is leading you to share finances, which clearly has been a problem thus far. perhaps other people can share finances effectively because they are not supporting their partner to an unhealthy degree in other aspects.

for example, if i walk to work ever day - a healthy choice just like many other people like my parents have done, yet... i develop tendinitis in my feet, then i need to re-evaluate why this supposedly healthy exercise is doing me harm. maybe i can't walk to work every day, even though it should be a very good choice according to the people around me. fact is, we bring our baggage and our impairments along into every activity or relationship choice, so we are not have an identical starting point to other people.

you can care for each other to a degree and even contribute to household finances on a differential level when necessary while still retaining separate funds.

a very good article that i just read yesterday in Psychology Today advocates the best relationship advice i have EVER seen:

Quote:

And this, Schnarch admits, is a challenge. Becoming an authentic adult means going against the whole drift of the culture. It specifically means, among other things, soothing your own bad feelings without the help of another, pursuing your own goals, and standing on your own two feet. Most people associate such skills with singlehood. But Schnarch finds that marriage can't succeed unless we claim our sense of self in the presence of another. The resulting growth turns right around and fuels the marriage, enabling passionate sex. And it pays wide-ranging dividends in domains from friendship to creativity to work.
...
The path to this goal is differentiation—the dynamic process through which you can live in close proximity to a partner and still maintain a separate sense of self. "By differentiation, I mean not caving in to pressure to conform from a partner who has tremendous emotional significance in your life." The best marital brew is neither dependence nor independence, but a balanced state of interdependence, Schnarch contends.
...
Interdependence allows partners who are each capable of handling their own emotional lives to focus on meeting their own and each other's ever-evolving goals and agendas in response to shifting circumstances, rather than on keeping one another from falling apart. It is marked by flexibility and focuses on strengths. Dependent partners, by contrast, spend their lives compensating for each other's limitations and needs.

http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/201204/how-grow

i think you need to re-evaluate your concept of dependence because your preconceived notions are doing harm to your relationships.

and so my parents, and my grandparents, and my great grandparents and so on and so forth, were wrong, and your way is right? so its wrong to feel that partners for life should be able to depend on each other through thick and thin, and even share in everything financially? hmmm. Ok...

ToughDiamond
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06 Jul 2012, 5:54 pm

AspergianMutantt wrote:

hyperlexian wrote:

.........i think you need to re-evaluate your concept of dependence because your preconceived notions are doing harm to your relationships.

My own view is that nobody's wrong here, that it's up to the individuals concerned to agree on how open or closed they want their relationship to be. I can see how either extreme could be dodgy - too closed and you'll lose that vital fresh air, and negativity between you will feel devastating......too open, and you'll drift apart through apathy. But there's a whole range of possibilities between the extremes, and I don't think anybody's wrong here. It only goes wrong when a couple don't want the same level of involvement but haven't realised it yet, so one seems clingy or possessive while the other seems uncommitted or weak on compassion.

TM
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06 Jul 2012, 6:08 pm

AspergianMutantt wrote:

You have to keep in mind how much culture has changed, especially for women in the last 40 - 50 years. In your parents time, grandparents time, even great grandparents time divorce hardly ever happened, a married couple tended to in fact share everything and actually go through that whole "in good times and in bad" rather than get divorced the second "halfway decent" shows up.

hyperlexian
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07 Jul 2012, 12:00 am

AspergianMutantt wrote:

hyperlexian wrote:

Quote:

http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/201204/how-grow

i think you need to re-evaluate your concept of dependence because your preconceived notions are doing harm to your relationships.

the way your ancestors went about it did not work for you. in fact, it failed quite spectacularly for you, and hence your thread. what exactly do you want to hear? that those women were evil and misguided but you will be able to have a healthy relationship in this manner you desire in the future. sorry, but i really cannot tell you that, because you are setting yourself up for an unending string of unhealthy codependent relationships. perhaps that style of relationship worked for family members but it does not work for you. if it did work for you then you would not be here right now in this thread.

your ideals are standing in your way. there is nothing wrong with continuing on the same path, just don't expect anything to be different from your past relationships.

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spongy
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07 Jul 2012, 12:19 am

AspergianMutantt wrote:

hyperlexian wrote:

Quote:

http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/201204/how-grow

i think you need to re-evaluate your concept of dependence because your preconceived notions are doing harm to your relationships.

Theres actually a book that deals with this changes: All that your mother couldnt tell and your father didnt know

On the very introduction it explains that the previous paradigm about males being the provider no longer works for most people because women have an easier time finding a job now and their priorities have changed to something that they cant get by themselves/fulfills them more(I wont start listing current common priorities because I havent done any research on this area and I dont want to start meeting women with a preconception that I must be like this/that)

Your ancestors couldnt explain you this because its a very recent thing and they can only teach you how things worked in their times

BrenJB
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07 Jul 2012, 7:40 pm

AScomposer13413 wrote:

TallyMan wrote:

(Thread moved from Getting to know each other to The Firepit... erm... I mean Love and Dating.)

LOL That was funny!! !! :compress:

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