Is religion always a deal breaker?

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Were I still dating(married now), religion would be an absolute sticking point for me, and here's why....

There are a couple reasons why people date:

1. To ease loneliness/release sexual desires

And more importantly

2. To try and find someone you can spend the rest of your life with.

Religion only usually clashes with the first part of one, but can be a major roadblock on the second part. But the major problems come with number 2 on the list. Commitment, cohabitation, and possibly marriage are all major components of #2, and all of which can be heavily affected by religion. Aspies tend to have trouble with dramatic changes in lifestyle anyways, but having one party be religious can add a whole other monkey wrench into that process.

It can work, but the religious individual will need to be both understanding and willing to compromise.

Ooh, a Near Death Experience? I'd also love to hear about it! NDEs were probably the closest thing I've had to a "special interest". I haven't researched them recently, but I'd still love to hear directly from someone who's had one.

Edit: I guess I should probably reply to the topic at hand, too - it seems kind of rude to the OP otherwise. Hypothetically, it wouldn't be an absolute deal-breaker, but it would be a very strong negative. It's not about beliefs per se, it's about the person's way of thinking. Religion is just a symptom of a much bigger problem - irrationality.

In the past I would have said "deal-breaker", but I've learnt that very few things are absolute. There was one person who I worked with and highly respect that was much smarter than me, including being better at logic and science. Yet, he was religious. Not all that religious - I don't think he went to church regularly - but he believed that the Christian God exists and he has an immortal soul, which will go to heaven or hell, etc. It was just what he's been brought up to believe all his life. He recognised full well that he has no reason to believe it (he hasn't had an NDE or anything) and it's irrational and so on, yet he still couldn't make himself not believe it. (Incidentally, I found such cognitive dissonance fascinating!)

I don't think it needs to be a deal breaker, but I understand why it is for some people. I think it depends very much on the people involved and it's worth discussing reasonably early on, rather than hoping it will go away because it won't.

I am religious, my fiancé is a fairly vocal atheist. We work because we are both reasonably tolerant of each other's beliefs but I would be lying if I said there had never been any disagreements - I think I am generally the one who feels more hurt in those instances. In an ideal world it would be lovely if he shared my beliefs, but I would rather marry him than anyone else. We have discussed what will happen when we have children - I will bring them up with my beliefs as I will be the primary caregiver, and the children can decide for themselves when they are older. I'm sure it won't all be plain sailing, but if I wasn't confident that we could make it work then I wouldn't be planning a wedding.

The religious persons beliefs are quite crucial - if they believe that their partner is going to Hell, then to me it is not possible to have a healthy relationship. In the long run I think such a situation will be damaging to both parties.

jagatai has summed up perfectly how I feel about it, too.

If you really believe that then there is no point in having any form of discussion. You are a true (dis)believer and no amount of 'irrational' personal anecdotal evidence is going to sway you. I don't know where you are getting UFO's from this anyway: I never once mentioned anything about them.

It would be interesting to know what your experience was and what your evidence for it is. There are a great many strange things that happen. Given sufficient evidence, anything can be understood. The problem is that there simply isn't enough evidence to draw a sufficient conclusion one way or another in many extraordinary claims.

I tend to be very skeptical of extraordinary claims, but like most skeptics, I think it would be really neat if someone could show conclusive proof of some fantastic claim. That's what I love about science. It examines truly bizarre things in nature and uses evidence and analysis to make sense of them. Quantum mechanics is definitely counter intuitive and really weird, but using scientific analysis, these truly extraordinary claims have been backed up with solid evidence.

if someone comes to me with a claim that defies reality as I experience it, I'm going to want them to show some pretty compelling evidence before I'm likely to come around to their way of thinking. For example, with string theory; I think it's a really neat idea and could possibly be true, but the evidence isn't in yet. I hope it's something that can help explain the universe, but I don't assume it is proved.

GiantHockyFan, you may have had an intensely real experience. It may even have been completely real. But I have no information to suggest that his extraordinary experience should be regarded as proof of anything nor do I have enough information to discount what you say. But I will be skeptical as extraordinary claims require extraordinary evidence.

Have you ever awoken from a light sleep to what seems like a loud noise that upon questioning others, you discover did not exist? Or like I did this morning, have you awoken from a dream where you feel you are falling? Have you watched a movie in 3D? These are all illusions that to some extent fool us into perceiving something that is not actually there. It is incredibly easy to fool the human mind. Optical illusions and magic tricks are great examples. Complete illusions can seem terribly real. That's why we need evidence.

You may have had a very real experience. I don't know what it is so I can't really comment on the specifics of your experience. I can only say that if I am to believe you, I need compelling evidence.

I am an Atheist. I could never date anyone religious. I tried, but it always got in the way.

Sorry, I read this and thought that's what your experience was (a UFO). My mistake.



There's a reason why: Science has already demonstrated over and over just how poor and unreliable anecdotal evidence is. In fact, the shift away from anecdotes and mere reason, and toward our tried and true combination of empirical and rational thought, which occurred during the scientific revolution of the 1600s and 1700s, is largely what is responsible for the massive drive in science we have today.

Why should I believe you had a supernatural experience of any kind, when we have empirical evidence demonstrating that such episodes can be caused by hallucinations that we KNOW can occur in perfectly sane minds that are in good condition? What is the more realistic explanation, "God did it" or "The hallucinations we know normal people can experience"?

Face the SCIENTIFIC EVIDENCE, my friend. I've done FAR too many psychedelic drugs to know just how easy it is to go "Yea, that full-blown mescaline-induced hallucination was just that: A drug-induced hallucination. Those buffalo spirits and s**t I was talking to, I know they weren't real, because I know mescaline does that kind of crap to your brain".

If I were to have been completely sober, and have experienced those kind of hallucinations, my first thought wouldn't have been "WTF omg spirits and God and unicorns!" It would have been "Let's search online for a rational explanation for what just happened to me". I'd have googled "Is it possible to have strong hallucinations without taking drugs and being in a sound state of mind?"

I'd have ran straight into the wiki article I showed you, and some scientific research on the topic from google scholar.

But that's me. I'm logical. I think with reason. I don't cling onto these delusional ideas that something supernatural happened to me.

Interesting link, thanks.



What episodes are "such" episodes?



Perhaps, but in this particular case (GiantHockeyFan's experience) your thinking is missing the other critical component: data.

You formed a view that GiantHockeyFan's experience was most likely not real and made arguments for that view. Your arguments in several posts were based on wrong data (misreading a post). Then you recognised that the data was wrong, but that didn't seem to make any difference to the view! Logical thinking, indeed! (I'm not intending to insult you by laughing here, by the way, I simply find the situation funny.)

Your welcome for the link.

Encounters with ghosts, aliens, God, pixies, unicorns, the afterlife, etc.





My thinking is not missing data, because I've taken into account all the data science has accumulated on the topic about hallucinations in the sound of mind, and using inductive reasoning, have concluded that the most likely explanation for the guy's "experience", whatever it might be, is probably a hallucination. Your claim that I'm not using data is incorrect.



Blatantly incorrect. I thought he had stated that his experience in specific was a UFO, but he was just listing it as examples of what it wasn't. The difference is trivial: A UFO encounter, an encounter with God, the argument applies the same regardless.



That's because it doesn't matter if it was a UFO or some other equally nonsensical thing, the argument I was using didn't require it to be a UFO in specific. Let me be even clearer: The argument only required that the experience have no evidence, and be purely anecdotal.

I feel the same way. In a relationship, especially if you got married, wouldn't it come up and there could be conflicts about it? Like what if the religious partner wanted you to do things like go to church with them or raise any children in their religion? They might want you to do a religious wedding ceremony in a church.

Maybe sometimes both sides just wouldn't even bring it up and it wouldn't be that important. I had a couple of friends when I was younger and it was years before I even found out that they were catholic. I don't even know what religion the two boyfriends I had in my teens were or if they even had one.