ok i agree that men with aspergers have it harder.

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and he should works on his sense of fashion.

When can you move out?

I know a guy who's in his late 20s, has (albeit fairly mild) aspergers, has a job with a fat paycheck, a car, his own apartment, volunteers on weekends and has joined social interest clubs, and even goes out to bars and nightclubs(by HIMSELF mind you)....And yet he STILL hasn't found a gf and has been actively on the hunt for 5 YEARS! Last time he had a gf was in college. The thing about social endeavors and social risk taking in general is that what matters are the RESULTS and not the effort. For example, many women have told me to my face that they dislike being approached by male strangers in public places whom they're not interested in, and especially when they're by themselves.


If you're a guy with asperger syndrome, the normal ways that men meet women are probably not going to work for you. Most NT women find social ineptitude to be unattractive, and furthermore the more externally obvious your condition is the more repulsive that makes you to women(who tend to be highly self-conscious and concerned with what others think of them as well as the person they're dating. if you stand out in a negative way then this will make her feel embarrassed to be your gf).



Obviously Richard needs to get a job and a place of his own to live, but that by itself isn't enough. I think Rich needs to find a place, or a means, of meeting women who are in a similar situation to his own and struggle with the same issues. If you're really that abnormal, someone else who is abnormal is more likely to be accepting of you that someone who isn't.

Many of those women who you refer to probably get HIT ON; not simply approached. The problem is most guys like to chase women, and women are really good at picking up on guys who are on the hunt. If a guy knows how to build rapport however, things are different.

I'm not too sure what you mean by "meeting women the normal way", seeing as there's over 100 different ways to do so.

I know a guy who's in his late 20s, has (albeit fairly mild) aspergers, has a job with a fat paycheck, a car, his own apartment, volunteers on weekends and has joined social interest clubs, and even goes out to bars and nightclubs(by HIMSELF mind you)....And yet he STILL hasn't found a gf and has been actively on the hunt for 5 YEARS! Last time he had a gf was in college. The thing about social endeavors and social risk taking in general is that what matters are the RESULTS and not the effort. For example, many women have told me to my face that they dislike being approached by male strangers in public places whom they're not interested in, and especially when they're by themselves.
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As you said, guys like to chase women. So women will often ASSUME that a male stranger who approaches her is looking to hit on her until he proves otherwise. There are ways to approach women and put them at ease, but to do this and do it right you need to be able to read nonverbal cues which is something us aspies have extremely difficulty with. There is no one right way to approach a woman, but there are thousands of ways to do it wrong. That being said: If you can't figure out on your own how to do it correctly, you're better off not doing it at all because doing it badly makes women think that you're a creep.

If the woman you want to approach because you think she's cute does not give off any indicators of being open to your approach NOR show any actual signs of being attracted to you, then approaching her is a very tactless thing to do! You see, many women who are out and about by themselves aren't necessarily single. And some of them who might be single are actively not interested in meeting guys in public places.

Women are volatile, and while they may not be looking to meet guys, they certainly are not closed off to it. Attractive women get hit on 20+ times per day, so if such a woman blows you off after you approach her, it's probably because she's lumped you in that group of guys automatically. Guys who have tact and skill though can easily change a woman's mood.

you are incorrect with that statement (bolded). *some* women are completely closed off to meeting strange men for romance. it is safer and more of a known quantity to date mutual friends, coworkers, family friends, etc. attraction is often something that builds over time for some people, so there isn't any sense in getting to know absolute strangers like that. i was always one of those types of women. if an unknown man approached me "cold" (any man at all), it was an automatic NO.

dating sites are different, though i still would get to know a man online for weeks or months before meeting in person.

Oh, my mother's been dead for the last 10 years.

Now, of course, I keep her in my basement.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xWHYmNrAFlI[/youtube]

Well gosh darnit! You took those words right out of my mouth. Though iHope MacDragard takes your word for it as you are a woman and I'm not. The thing is though, befriending women because you're attracted to them for the ulterior motive of hooking up with them isn't going to work if she isn't attracted to you. Also, I'd strongly advise you fellas here to exercise extreme caution when it comes to wooing or even dating female coworkers. If she's not interested and you make feel uncomfortable, you could easily get accused of sexual harassment and end up being fired or even sued. If you date a coworker and you guys break up, then you could also risk loosing your job if there's any residual tension between you two at the office. There are lots of different ways to meet women, but not all of them work for everybody. You have to find what works for you and if you try something more than once and get no luck, then it's time to try something different.

There are guys who have extraordinarily good social skills and tact and are able to charm female strangers......Especially in bars and even when they're all by themselves. But most men aren't like this, and if you're aspie guy this is truly a pipe dream.