Tips for the men around here.
Unfortunately many women behave in this manner.
Those are not so common or tend to have AS.
Allow yourself to slip up. Every failure is a lesson learned. If you fail enough you succeed by all lessons learned.
Any pointers?, what material do you consider to be trash?
However it works
What makes a man fascinating? besides a shiny ferrari outside.
In these cases it's way better to just break and walk.
MXH
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Quasimodo felt in love with the megahot gipsy girl, how is that not shallow?
But who cares, it's a naïve Disney screen version, they did a second movie where Quasimodo marries a beautiful blonde lady.
The original book is way different, have you read it? No, sure you think Disney version is accurate.
Good try at nitpicking advice and turning it into how the guy was in the wrong. And, btw, because you obviously dont know me yet talk like you do. They all are killed in the non disneyfied version.
Or do you prefer a hot gypsy girl with green eyes?
and another silly post to try to belittle something which you either have no clue what you're talking about or missed the whole point. You should learn better moves from the others like you
MXH
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It depends on what you're looking for out of a woman. First try to figure out what you're looking for. A friend, girlffriend, hookup, etc. then try and think of what place will you be able to find someone that might qualify for what you're looking for. library for a friend, park for girlfriend, club for hookup, etc.
Quasimodo felt in love with the megahot gipsy girl, how is that not shallow?
But who cares, it's a naïve Disney screen version, they did a second movie where Quasimodo marries a beautiful blonde lady.
The original book is way different, have you read it? No, sure you think Disney version is accurate.
Good try at nitpicking advice and turning it into how the guy was in the wrong. And, btw, because you obviously dont know me yet talk like you do. They all are killed in the non disneyfied version.
Or do you prefer a hot gypsy girl with green eyes?
and another silly post to try to belittle something which you either have no clue what you're talking about or missed the whole point. You should learn better moves from the others like you
And as always, you are being conceited but you NEVER argue. So you think when someone refutes something you said, this person is only nitpicking and belittling.
You say the Disney gypsy girl was being shallow and I answered you, where is the problem?
You have been the first person to mention a Disney movie as a proof of why women don't want white knights
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I don't use English since September 2007.
MXH
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Location: Here i stand and face the rain
Any pointers?, what material do you consider to be trash?
However it works
What makes a man fascinating? besides a shiny ferrari outside.
In these cases it's way better to just break and walk.
- anything that you take too seriously is going to be trash. As me and shatbat mentioned its only good for learning about social situations and how to read different things on a woman. Beyond that its just worthless posturing.
-ivenot seen it work much. I have however seen how those manipulative white knights using the guise of a nice guy took the nice guys down so low that women run at the mere mention. Its partly why girls go after douches, they know what theyre getting into
-if that is your answer then you obviously dont know or are pretending not to know. but to destroy that useless thought and open up room for more pleasant ones ill say this. How will a woman inside know he has a ferrari outside?
- thats the whole point of the "freeze out". To show so much uninterest that it just drives you to leave
I am an older woman and from time to time young men will start conversations with me about random things. If I'm not in the middle of something else I'll engage them. Why? Because I know they aren't trying to date me since I am 20 years too old for them. They are simply passing the time. And so am I. This makes for relaxing, fun conversations about randome things. It's a non-dating conversational dynamic. I am not attracted to them. They are not attracted to me. These facts affect the conversational dynamic.
However, 20 years ago, if men started similar conversations with me I was much more wary. I would only engage them if I found them very interesting. I found through experience that engaging a man who I had zero interest in turned out badly for me. There was always that subtext in his conversation that I had to be aware of, that he was trying to reel me in. If I engaged him but was not interested, there were angry accusations of "friendzoning". That ended when I hit middle age. I can now relax a lot more and just talk to whoever without fear of subtext.
The young women (unlike the women my age) are not going to put forth effort to converse with you unless they find you fascinating. They will not do it to merely pass the time, as women my age will. It isn't worth it to them because of that subtext. I often used the "freeze out"* technique when I was their age, which is to not engage with a man I had no interest in without the bluntness of just walking away from him. Saying these women ought to engage will get you nowehere. They could, but they won't unless they find you fascinating. So I guess you will have to either make yourself more fascinating or be more open to the women who do already find you interesting, such as the aggressive one you spoke of elsewhere.
*the "freeze out" technique is an NT head game of the type hated by all AS people (so presumably not used by AS women here). I was using it 20 years ago, it's probably older than that, and it is clearly still in use. It is where the woman just doesn't engage at all but without the blatant rudeness of pretending she heard nothing. She uses single word answers or just looks stumped in an attempt to get the man to give up and go to greener pastures.
this was really interesting
it seems like when it's genuinely just friendly conversation on the table things usually go pretty smoothly
_________________
If your success is defined as being well adjusted to injustice and well adapted to indifference, then we don?t want successful leaders. We want great leaders- who are unbought, unbound, unafraid, and unintimidated to tell the truth.
Practice where failure is an option. Start with just trying some simple chit-chat. It may require many failures to get it right.
MXH
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Joined: 28 Jul 2010
Age: 33
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Location: Here i stand and face the rain
Quasimodo felt in love with the megahot gipsy girl, how is that not shallow?
But who cares, it's a naïve Disney screen version, they did a second movie where Quasimodo marries a beautiful blonde lady.
The original book is way different, have you read it? No, sure you think Disney version is accurate.
Good try at nitpicking advice and turning it into how the guy was in the wrong. And, btw, because you obviously dont know me yet talk like you do. They all are killed in the non disneyfied version.
Or do you prefer a hot gypsy girl with green eyes?
and another silly post to try to belittle something which you either have no clue what you're talking about or missed the whole point. You should learn better moves from the others like you
And as always, you are being conceited but you NEVER argue. So you think when someone refutes something you said, this person is only nitpicking and belittling.
You say the Disney gypsy girl was being shallow and I answered you, where is the problem?
You have been the first person to mention a Disney movie as a proof of why women don't want white knights
no, if you saw my posting the last 3 weeks youd see how wrong you are. But its obvious when someone takes one example out of a dozen paragraphs out of context and replies completely off track with something that makes no sense that this person either has to be stupid or is trying to belittle the statement by portraying it negatively when they cant actually say anything else about it.
I never said she was being shallow. Read my post again. you're filling my post with your own negative views of me, yet forget to actually read that post. I said that quasimodo was in the wrong for thinking he could get her just because he nurtured her and was nice to her. Im saying the white knights are in the wrong because they are nice only to get a woman, and not because thats how they think people aand women should be treated.
I didnt say it as proof of why they dont want them. Its pretty obvious as to why someone wouldnt want a manipulative person pretending to be nice around. I made an example of how it comes off in a movie id expect everyone to have seen.
MXH
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Age: 33
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I am an older woman and from time to time young men will start conversations with me about random things. If I'm not in the middle of something else I'll engage them. Why? Because I know they aren't trying to date me since I am 20 years too old for them. They are simply passing the time. And so am I. This makes for relaxing, fun conversations about randome things. It's a non-dating conversational dynamic. I am not attracted to them. They are not attracted to me. These facts affect the conversational dynamic.
However, 20 years ago, if men started similar conversations with me I was much more wary. I would only engage them if I found them very interesting. I found through experience that engaging a man who I had zero interest in turned out badly for me. There was always that subtext in his conversation that I had to be aware of, that he was trying to reel me in. If I engaged him but was not interested, there were angry accusations of "friendzoning". That ended when I hit middle age. I can now relax a lot more and just talk to whoever without fear of subtext.
The young women (unlike the women my age) are not going to put forth effort to converse with you unless they find you fascinating. They will not do it to merely pass the time, as women my age will. It isn't worth it to them because of that subtext. I often used the "freeze out"* technique when I was their age, which is to not engage with a man I had no interest in without the bluntness of just walking away from him. Saying these women ought to engage will get you nowehere. They could, but they won't unless they find you fascinating. So I guess you will have to either make yourself more fascinating or be more open to the women who do already find you interesting, such as the aggressive one you spoke of elsewhere.
*the "freeze out" technique is an NT head game of the type hated by all AS people (so presumably not used by AS women here). I was using it 20 years ago, it's probably older than that, and it is clearly still in use. It is where the woman just doesn't engage at all but without the blatant rudeness of pretending she heard nothing. She uses single word answers or just looks stumped in an attempt to get the man to give up and go to greener pastures.
this was really interesting
it seems like when it's genuinely just friendly conversation on the table things usually go pretty smoothly
But this is not the social skills and friends forum. This is the love and dating one. So we talk about talking in a "love and dating" scenario.
Try places where socialization is expected (so, not transportation or places people are just trying to run errands excluding some extenuating circumstance where someone seems super open) like a bar or a club or an activity group or a social event or fair or gathering. Meeting people through common interest/experience is more common than grabbing a rando off the street.
_________________
If your success is defined as being well adjusted to injustice and well adapted to indifference, then we don?t want successful leaders. We want great leaders- who are unbought, unbound, unafraid, and unintimidated to tell the truth.
MXH
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Joined: 28 Jul 2010
Age: 33
Gender: Male
Posts: 13,057
Location: Here i stand and face the rain
Practice where failure is an option. Start with just trying some simple chit-chat. It may require many failures to get it right.
good advice. It wouldnt hurt to go new places for this sort of thing.
DialAForAwesome
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The guys who I have rejected but have seen first hand have a really great attitude, I have also put in a word for when I'm hanging out with my girl friends or in my social cirlce without being asked by them to do so. Girls talk of their own accord - one of us mentions it and those who are interested pursue it by themselves.
And something to keep in mind: what you consider to be a "good attitude" might not be what they consider it to be, or you may be coming accross completely different than you think you are.
Not really. I mean, I say this all the time, but I am okay with being friends with girls who friendzone me, as long as they don't treat me like a counselor instead of a friend.
What'll usually happen is, I'll just say that it's no big deal (in most cases it isn't, it depends on how attracted I am to them) and ask if we can just be friends. They'll say yes at this point but it's clear that instead of being friends, that most of them will just come to me with their problems, and won't let me get a word in edgewise. This has happened with damn near every girl I've ever liked except for 3 of them, and those 3 weren't gonna put in a good word for someone like me anyhow, unless it was for girls nobody else wants.
I had one friend outright LIE and tell me all her friends were taken, just because she didn't think any of them would like me.
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I don't trust anyone because I'm cynical.
I'm cynical because I don't trust anyone.
MXH
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Not really. I mean, I say this all the time, but I am okay with being friends with girls who friendzone me, as long as they don't treat me like a counselor instead of a friend.
What'll usually happen is, I'll just say that it's no big deal (in most cases it isn't) and ask if we can just be friends. They'll say yes at this point but it's clear that instead of being friends, that most of them will just come to me with their problems, and won't let me get a word in edgewise. This has happened with damn near every girl I've ever liked except for 3 of them, and those 3 weren't gonna put in a good word for someone like me anyhow, unless it was for girls nobody else wants.
the problem is that is what girls expect out of a good friend. Its what girls do with their other female friends. Its how they deal with things. You brought yourself up to the plate. Add a touch of being a white knight and you get the "friendzoned" stereotype of a guy being a doormat.
Well, call me stupid, I don't care, but you were angry as always there and I understood you were encouraging men to be badasses. You seem a man yelling slogans to the masses sometimes. "don't do this! don't do that!, women this!, women that! Be this! Don't be that!". Maybe it's only my impression but you are too angry and full of resentment. You consider dating as war.
About the Disney thing, if I was wrong then I'm sorry, maybe I was lost in translation, but you were talking about Quasimodo, not about a average guy of the 21th century.
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Last edited by BanjoGirl on 19 Oct 2012, 10:01 am, edited 1 time in total.
DialAForAwesome
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One thing I will add: If your get friend zoned, or a girl rejects you even if she is only an acquaintance, don't be mean to her and do not be bitter about it. If you have a good attitude, she will apprectiate that and put in a good word for you among her friends and her acquaintances and social circle. Women take other women's recommendations fairly seriously. Guys who are sincerely cool and who can take rejection well will get set up even if indirectly by those that have rejected you.
From my experience, this simply does not happen. Ever. I've been friendzoned plenty of times (and had a good attitude about most of them) too so I know. Or it WILL happen once in a while but they try to set me up with girls nobody wants. That type of thing.
So its not they didnt set you up, rather you didnt like who they set you up with. Which is reasonable. but it doesnt mean it didnt happen. Lets face it, chances are most of her friends are taken. This isnt some sort of guaranteed strategy, its something that can happen.
But it brings us to a point i failed to address. Not everyone is able to go after the 9s and 10s they want. its been scientifically shown that people tend to gravitate towards those in their own league. This happens due to trying to find the best we can get. I know its not something many want to accept but thats just how things are. You can either stop looking just for someones looks (not saying that looks are unimportant, last thing you need is being completely unattracted in any way) and try to get something out of personalities too.
Oh, and thanks for assuming that I'm some shallow dick. I mean, I was mostly on your side throughout all the recent threads, but now I'm not so sure.
I don't care about 9s and 10s. I like women of all different shapes, sizes, colors, and looks. I've only been set up maybe twice. That pretty much does mean it "never" happens because that's twice out of all the girls I've liked. Plus it doesn't matter if you DO get set up, if you get set up with someone boring. That's what happened both of those times. One of the girls was someone I didn't exactly find physically attractive, but I was willing to at least try to talk to her. She was as boring as Ben Stein giving a lecture on mitochondria. Yes, that bad. The other girl was extremely mean. She was like an 8/10 on the idiotic "looks" scale, but that didn't matter because she was a complete jackass.
But nice one, assuming that I'm all about looks. I'm not like wtfid2 or the millions of others on here who want supermodels. I'm a guy who has reasonable standards, but still gets shot down every chance he takes. Hell I just recently lost my shot at being with a girl who was perfect for me, though that was partly my fault.
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I don't trust anyone because I'm cynical.
I'm cynical because I don't trust anyone.
MXH
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Age: 33
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About the Disney thing, if I was wrong then I'm sorry, maybe I was lost in translation.
you took it the wrong way, I didnt call you stupid. I gave two options and put you in the "not stupid, just trying to belittle" one.
See, theres the beliteling i talk about. 5 pages of people agreeing with every point, many PMs saying the same. And you make me to sound as "angry and full of resentment". Its a silly game you're playing. everyone can see through it.
Dating is a war. You need allies, you need support, you need intel, and you need something to fight through with.
thats ok. we all make mistakes from time to time.
Last edited by MXH on 19 Oct 2012, 10:06 am, edited 1 time in total.
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