Virgins over 30

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Joined: 29 Jun 2010
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30 Oct 2012, 5:42 pm

If everyone else gets someone to love them, the normal way, WTF should I have to pay? No, I don't think I'll be considering that route.

RICKY5
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30 Oct 2012, 7:17 pm

Adam82 wrote:

If everyone else gets someone to love them, the normal way, WTF should I have to pay? No, I don't think I'll be considering that route.

OK, then continue to suffer and develop a martyr complex.

As aspie males, we are destined to struggle with the sort of crap that NTs find relatively easy.

Why should we kill ourselves trying to rote memorize every stupid little social game and nuance and spend our time and money to get a mediocre looking girl to be temporarily infatuated enough with us to have sex?

You think that "love" is something permanent? It is not. It never will be. The idea of "True Love" is one of the more toxic ideas in Western culture.

Most long-term married couples grow to resent each other and often will often be living completely separate lives (under the same roof) as time goes on.

Stargazer43
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30 Oct 2012, 7:59 pm

Adam82 wrote:

If everyone else gets someone to love them, the normal way, WTF should I have to pay? No, I don't think I'll be considering that route.

Good for you! I find it kind of surprising how many people in this thread are in support of paying for sex, I personally think that's a terrible idea. For one lets say you eventually do get into a relationship. Do you think a woman would prefer a virgin or someone who hired a prostitute to take their virginity? I'm pretty sure the vast majority would say the former

. I notice that a lot of people put a huge weight on losing their virginity, but honestly I don't think it's that big of a deal.

Adam82
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30 Oct 2012, 10:08 pm

Stargazer43 wrote:

Adam82 wrote:

If everyone else gets someone to love them, the normal way, WTF should I have to pay? No, I don't think I'll be considering that route.

. I notice that a lot of people put a huge weight on losing their virginity, but honestly I don't think it's that big of a deal.

To be honest, the love is more important for me than the sex. In DSR, I am more interested in a long term R.

S is important, I'd be lying if I said I didn't want it, but I'd much prefer it to be with a person i love.

People have tried to persuade me to go to a hooker to lose my virginity. But I have held steadfast in my belief against it. I might die a virgin. But at least I'll go out with my dignity, I don't like the idea of paying for it.

auntblabby
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31 Oct 2012, 12:29 am

Tequila wrote:

wtfid2 wrote:

it's only sexist bc im straight and obviously dont want a male virgin.

Perhaps you should buy a Fleshlight then?

there are silicone devices which are [superficially] anatomically correct such as the topco cyberskin @$$, which have lots of satisfied customers who deem such worth every penny.

tronist
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31 Oct 2012, 2:19 am

so you're (insert age) and you havent had sex. yea, it probably isnt the best thing ever, and im sure some of you would rather you werent virgins, but what are you guys (and girls) doing about it? what steps are you taking to TRY? if you arent trying to either improve, or meet people, or a combination of both, then whats the point in complaining?

sorry if that is harsh, but its totally true. lots of people (myself ESPECIALLY included) need to try harder, or do better, or change, if they are to be successful at this. i think its important to first understand our roadblocks and shortcomings, then work at making them less so, if possible. i feel like there are baseline traits that most people need to see before they would consider having a relationship with you. things like:

1.) good hygiene
2.) nice appearance / well kept
3.) future goals
4.) financial stability (good job, maybe college degree)
5.) trustworthyness (dont lie, ever.)
6.) always always always do little things to show them that you appreciate them.
7.) dont yell / be psycho / be clingy
8.) if you are ahead of them in terms of how much you like them, make sure you dont gush. if they know that you like them way more than they like you, it pressures them into feeling a certain way, and it kills the relationship.

Withdrawal
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31 Oct 2012, 6:15 am

It is quite upsetting to see that some people don't see going to a prostitute as a problem. Or that the only problem is the dignity of the person paying. Do try and find out about the dangers involved in the world of prostitution - the drug culture, violence, health risks, emotional cost, etc. You shouldn't risk hurting people or supporting a dangerous culture just so you can get to have sex. Yeah maybe there's the odd exception of an escort who likes what she's doing and does it freely and safely, but I don't think that's usually the case, and how would you know for sure?

It does seem to me that a lot of the men here wanting girlfriends and wanting to lose their virginity aren't actually thinking that much about the women they are pursuing. Considering prostitutes in one example of this, but it's evident in some of the other posts too.

If you "settle" for a girl, it doesn't say much about your respect for her. If you are willing to be with any girl who will have you, that's going to be a turn off. Simply because you are pursuing a girl when you have no genuine feelings for her, no interest in her as a person, you don't like her anymore than the girl next to her. If she's aware of this, she's not going to be impressed. I find it hard to imagine a guy could keep up an act in which he pretends to have feelings for a girl when he doesn't without the girl picking up on it. If a girl has the option of a different man who actually cares about her, she's probably going to choose him instead. She might well prefer to be single than to date someone who has no real feelings for her.

Similarly, if your primary concern is having sex, that's not going to appeal to a girl looking for a relationship. She's not going to want to be pursued for her physical body and the fun she can provide you. She's not going to want to be used to help you shed the stigma of being a virgin. If your primary concern is sex, then there are some girls who want casual sex and one night stands too, and that's fine. But its dishonest to pretend to want to date a girl if you really own care about her physically: find someone who wants the same as you and be honest about what you're after.

I'm just wondering if that's part of the reason some people aren't successful getting dates. If you found a girl you genuninely liked - that you like more than the average girl you see - you wouldn't have to pretend. You could show genunine affection towards her, and she would most likely be able to tell you were concerned about making her happy and enjoying being with her, rather than being concerned with what you'll get out of it. Surely in that situation she'd be more likely to find you attractive?

Of course just because you have feelings towards someone doesn't mean they will be into you too. There are other, complicated reasons for not being sucessful in relationships. But it just seems odd to me that some people seem to deprioritise the wants and feelings of their potential partners without seeing how this isn't going to help them win anyone over.

WantToHaveALife
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31 Oct 2012, 10:03 am

just hate having to be the initiator, because whoever is the initiator can accidentally come across as desperate, and it's very hard to not come across as desperate

Adam82
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31 Oct 2012, 4:31 pm

WantToHaveALife wrote:

just hate having to be the initiator, because whoever is the initiator can accidentally come across as desperate, and it's very hard to not come across as desperate

Yeah, it is hard to not come across as desperate if you have no or little relationship experience, and don't know what the hell you're doing.

ANicL
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01 Nov 2012, 4:11 am

I was a virgin until the age of 31,

CrazyStarlightRedux
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01 Nov 2012, 10:43 am

Stargazer43 wrote:

. I notice that a lot of people put a huge weight on losing their virginity, but honestly I don't think it's that big of a deal.

At the same time, would men rather have a woman who's a virgin or one who's slept around?

It goes both ways.

Those who are against prostitution, did you know that it's the oldest profession in the world AND Jesus married a Prostitute?

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Shatbat
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01 Nov 2012, 11:30 am

tronist wrote:

That's some sensible advice.

I don't see the use of escorts as inherently wrong (I've got a friend whose former housemate was one; she did it willingly to buy high-end clothing and travel around the country with some of her clients, she clearly had a choice there) but they are not for everybody, and having to pay to have sex would be bad for your self-esteem. Although some people have had positive experiences so... I dunno. Guess it worked for them.

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Stargazer43
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01 Nov 2012, 11:34 am

CrazyStarlightRedux wrote:

I'm pretty sure people of either gender would prefer a virgin to a prostitute (or someone who paid for one). Even if your personal morals are not against it, mainstream morals and opinions are strongly against it. It's my personal opinion that you should never engage in activities that you wouldn't be comfortable with your coworkers, friends, and loved ones finding out about. And I don't see a few minutes of expensive fun with a stranger as being worth it.

And Jesus never married, that's just a rumor made popular by a few mainstream movies and wacky theories. There's some evidence that he might have been, but it hasn't been validated and certainly doesn't refer to who his wife may have been.

To sum up my opinion (lol):
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bV_K4tJNKYI[/youtube]

blunnet
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01 Nov 2012, 12:27 pm

Adam82 wrote:

If everyone else gets someone to love them, the normal way, WTF should I have to pay?

In all honesty, I'd say to you, Good luck with that.

The issue is that at a later time if you rant about being a virgin without having considered that option, it looks funny, so you are probably better off being comfortable with your virginity.

Last edited by blunnet on 01 Nov 2012, 12:49 pm, edited 1 time in total.

blunnet
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01 Nov 2012, 12:42 pm

Stargazer43 wrote:

I find it kind of surprising how many people in this thread are in support of paying for sex, I personally think that's a terrible idea.

well, in an aspie group, with bunch of males who have trouble socializing and all that it takes to lose their virginity, it isn't surprising, rather, I find it kind of surprising that you are surprised.

Wether to be a terrible idea or not, I don't know, I just know that it will give you an experience that you probably wouldn't get any other way, or that the odds doesn't favor you.

In any case it worked for me, I haven't used the service of prostitutes for some time, but it did serve me quite nice, as I got an experience I wanted and now I know how it feels and all that.

And it took my frustration away, so it worked for me. If it isn't for you, fine, good, if that is so politically incorrect for you, great, but it worked for me.

Note: By "you" I mean people, in general, not actually about you.

Quote:

For one lets say you eventually do get into a relationship. Do you think a woman would prefer a virgin or someone who hired a prostitute to take their virginity? I'm pretty sure the vast majority would say the former

From my experience and observation, the vast majority would most likely say: none. In any case, when getting into a relationship I wouldn't be dumb enough to tell her that I hired prostitutes in the past.

Quote:

I notice that a lot of people put a huge weight on losing their virginity, but honestly I don't think it's that big of a deal.

It shouldn't be a big deal, but for the people you meet, it seems to be.

blunnet
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01 Nov 2012, 12:57 pm

Stargazer43 wrote:

And Jesus never married, that's just a rumor made popular by a few mainstream movies and wacky theories.

well, I ask, which one is a cooler Jesus?
The one who got married to a troubled woman and gave her equal social status among his disciples, or
The one who never married and remained celibate (and likely a virgin) for the rest of his life?

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