Aspie men and the "L" word?

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A solid, working, healthy, loving relationship. *sigh* I had that once... I'd give anything for that again.

Jealousy is another feeling I can't understand because I have never felt it. So, hence why I asked.

Okay, I wasn't really serious... I'm not ACTUALLY sick with jealousy and plotting revenge, etc. Nor am I mad at her for having something I don't...

I just wish I had that happy relationship again.

If you had that happy relationship one, you can have one again! I firmly believe this.

No worries someday someone will be in lesbians with you!

Thanks! I may not be the same as all those "normal" alpha-betas out there, but I'm a pretty lovable goofball.

Just gotta' get out there and meet that right person.

I take things literally

Wanting something you once had is good, because you know what you are looking for. That's a good start.

And being in lesbians with someone!

I thought this L word was Lesbians.

I wish someone was in lesbians with me.

How do you normally behave when you love someone?

Not a whole lot different than I normally do. Genuine love doesn't change people's behaviors. It shouldn't.

Is it easy for you to declare that love to your object of affection?

Used to be. Not sure I'll be so forward about it from here on in. Too many people don't have a clue what it really means so...

Do you need to be absolutely sure?

The question is confusing to me. Do I need to? No. If I say it, I'm sure, but I'm sure because it is a decision I've made. I choose to love. I don't subscribe to the philosophy that we have no choice but to be emotionally driven. Emotions that just "come over me" are not real love. I pay no attention to them. I choose whom I love.

Or do you never say it, even if you feel it, as that would compromise you in some way?

I aways have said it, and always first. Not sure how that'll pan out in the future. Next time, I'm going to make damn sure we're both talking about the same thing, and don't define it differently from each other.

Are you afraid of it?

Nope. Not the real thing.

Or moreover, do any of you feel they know they cannot love?

I can. I do. When I choose to.

And would you lie and tell someone you love them just to get them off your back (if they ask you)?

Never.

Thank you MrXx for your answers. It fascinates me, how varied people's answers are. Makes it even more confusing, and this is why I have to ask questions when I meet someone. I have to know how they define something, and how we both feel about certain aspects of our relationship, so there are no nasty surprises in the future. I hate surprises, I need solid answers and a defined relationship. Hence why I thought Aspie men were more reliable and trustworthy, but not so sure about the latter, as I have heard in these forums, that some Aspie men *do* lie. Lies are a waste of everyone's time. People who lie are only living that same lie. I would rather be hurt with the truth (from the start) than be happy with a lie ( because the truth always comes out sooner or later).

I will never get my head round relationships. People are too different. If only we all spoke the truth, life would be so much easier.

How do you normally behave when you love someone?
I don't usually say the words the family. I think they just know. As for others, never had the chance to find out if I ever had that feeling. I end up missing these people for certain reasons because I miss having them to talk to or be around, but knowing I have to let go of whatever it is I got attatched to is a problem for me.

Is it easy for you to declare that love to your object of affection?
Never been there I don't think. Don't remember ever hearing someone say it to me, and don't recall ever saying the words to someone.

Do you need to be absolutely sure?
Yes, definitely.
Or do you never say it, even if you feel it, as that would compromise you in some way?
It only compromises you if you are desperate enough to say it before even knowing how you truly feel.

Are you afraid of it? Or moreover, do any of you feel they know they cannot love?
I have been capable of loving myself before, but struggling with it at this point in time. Being capable of loving someone else is a possibility if I can get myself back on track.

And would you ie and tell someone you love them just to get them off your back (if they ask you)?
Seems pretty cruel to do such a thing. I wouldn't want to lead someone on like that.

aspiemike, your answers are what I would consider a pass, if I had to choose someone to date, based on a preliminary questionnaire.

It takes more than that though. Being truthful is only half of it. The other half is BOTH of you being willing to hear it, listen to it, and accepting it.

If you don't have that second part, disaster will follow eventually. Just because you're honest with your partner doesn't mean they've heard and accepted it all. If they haven't, that CAN lead to trouble in the future. Hearing, but not really accepting and listening to the truth, is a different form of lying, more insidious than blatant lies, because when you don't accept the truth fully, and continue on with the relationship anyway, you are lying to yourself and your partner. That can take years to be exposed. And by then, it's not pretty.

Yeah, I am speaking from experience.