Attempt to meet someone, would you critique my message?
I know it's silly of me, but it seems like a lot of other people's pets I've encountered just didn't like me....
But it's moot. I can't deal with a pet. Two people can part ways, but you can't get rid of a pet so clean and neat...take it to the pound, put it to sleep? Come to think of it, my apartment may not even allow pets, so it may not be possible.
I'm just eager to find someone. It doesn't even have to be serious. How I'd love just to find someone who'll return my calls, who'll call me unsolicited. Who likes me. And maybe it'll only last a few months. Just to know, I did it, I had my first girlfriend.
I feel like i need to grow up and experience this part of life. A buddy of mine and his wife are having their second child already. And he's younger than me. I've got so much catching up to do.
But it's moot. I can't deal with a pet. Two people can part ways, but you can't get rid of a pet so clean and neat...take it to the pound, put it to sleep? Come to think of it, my apartment may not even allow pets, so it may not be possible.
I'm just eager to find someone. It doesn't even have to be serious. How I'd love just to find someone who'll return my calls, who'll call me unsolicited. Who likes me. And maybe it'll only last a few months. Just to know, I did it, I had my first girlfriend.
I feel like i need to grow up and experience this part of life. A buddy of mine and his wife are having their second child already. And he's younger than me. I've got so much catching up to do.
_________________
AQ 25
Your Aspie score: 101 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 111 of 200
You seem to have both Aspie and neurotypical traits
Then they don't love you. Shrug.
I think that's the crux of the issue right there. You need to figure out how to get over that fear before you can have a healthy adult relationship. Because if you're frozen at the thought o a discardable animal not loving you, what about a complex, emotional, and perceptive human being?
You might want to talk about this stuff with a professional psychologist, or maybe specialists in autism. Your fears and desires are NORMAL, they're just a little unbalanced and you're clearly having trouble handling them. I've been suggesting baby steps as a result, but expert advice might be better.
If you try a pet, look for one that already likes you. Adopt, don't buy. Pass on most of them; look for the one that rubs its cheek against you, or jumps into your lap.
When you get it home, expect a few weeks of terrified adjustment, particularly with cats. Mine was under a bed for three days. But then she slowly came out and said hi.
If it just doesn't click, then take the critter back. You gave them a chance, taking them back gives them another one.
(And notice how similar this is to adult relationships; if they don't work out, it's okay.)
But I dunno, obviously a pet is just a tiny step. But it might relax your heart enough that you aren't so confused and hyperstimulated when thinking about love.
Or maybe I'm totally wrong about all this, that could be true as well.
_________________
http://www.cracked.com/blog/6-harsh-tru ... er-person/
http://www.wimp.com/speakconviction/
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OFzXaFbxDcM
I guess at the end of it all, I'd like to matter to somebody. My whole life, much as may here have likewise felt, I've felt disregarded, ignored, shuttled off to the side.
What drew me to my current profession was, for the first time I was able to connect with people because they liked the films I made. I started to reach people! But some of my films haven't been nearly as successful, and I sometimes worry if I'm any good at anything, when I see the incredible work being made by other people. I thought, for all my flaws, they would be balanced out by this incredible gift. Like I had something special to give to the world, and through this gift I would at last win some lasting affection from other people. But then others do so much better work than me, and they're far more well rounded, successful, beautiful. They have everything.
And I wonder, maybe I'm hopeless in every regard? But maybe if I can find just one person who likes me, who accepts me, and allows me to love them. Someone who'll be my partner, and take me warts and all. If I can find that one person, and show them I am capable of love and affection and doing good things, I'll finally have succeeded at something. I'll be a member of the human race at last, because I'll have succeeded at that most fundamental part of being human: love.
As is, for all that I have accomplished, it feels trifling and waste. What matters a few silly films, when my friends have built families? What matters a damned radio I restored, when they've built a safe home? I feel like, without someone to share whom I am with, what I am doesn't matter at all.
Lately, I've had two kinds of dreams. 1) where a strange unknown woman will walk up and hold my hand, or kiss me. She has such love and acceptance in her eyes!
The other dream, I simply weep.
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