Dating sites are a terrible way to meet people

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04 Jan 2013, 9:23 am

Does that count as "dating" if you haven't met in person?

I was imagining some virtual thing, like the online x-box games, but instead of shooting each other, you hold hands and go to a museum together (or whatever people do in real life dates).

hyperlexian
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04 Jan 2013, 9:27 am

ArrantPariah wrote:

i think they just call it "dating" by default as it's the easy word that people understand to mean "in a relationship"

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nessa238
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04 Jan 2013, 10:27 am

I think online dating can be ok - it all depends on how badly you want to meet someone and what state of mind you're in and also how old you are ie how experienced at the game.

I've met a few people off sites who had relationships with so it can be done, but as I've got older I've noticed it's harder to find suitable people as the people around my age aren't often to my liking - they're often divorced and have children and I have no wish to play happy families at all.

I still see a person I met off a dating site but after several bad experiences off dating sites when we were on a break up,
I don't think I'd go back to them unless really necessary as I was finding it all rather depressing.

As you get older your needs change and you also won't tolerate stuff you put up with when younger as you know yourself better.

If you're on your own and feeling lonely though there's nothing to be lost by putting ads on several sites and seeing who turns up - you can have chats with people at the very least, which is better than nothing.

I think you should start off by saying you are looking for friends, not the love of your life though.

lonelyguy
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04 Jan 2013, 2:14 pm

like the idea of on line dating....you can take your time to get to know a person..and you don't have to worry about facing someone and getting rejected...i think it might be a bit easier for people who suffer from communication problems like me.

also finding someone that suits you might be harder in the real world of clubs and pubs..that i never do!
so for me anyway i would give it a try....lots of people meet on line and loads these days end up married and happy..so why not!

If you find it hard in life to meet your match..then nothing wrong with trying on line..you never know your luck!

Vintagegirl
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04 Jan 2013, 3:57 pm

I agree! I think dating sites are horrible and too superficial

ALguy1957
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04 Jan 2013, 4:37 pm

nessa238 wrote:

I think online dating can be ok - it all depends on how badly you want to meet someone and what state of mind you're in and also how old you are ie how experienced at the game.

I've met a few people off sites who had relationships with so it can be done, but as I've got older I've noticed it's harder to find suitable people as the people around my age aren't often to my liking - they're often divorced and have children and I have no wish to play happy families at all.

As you get older your needs change and you also won't tolerate stuff you put up with when younger as you know yourself better.

If you're on your own and feeling lonely though there's nothing to be lost by putting ads on several sites and seeing who turns up - you can have chats with people at the very least, which is better than nothing.

I think you should start off by saying you are looking for friends, not the love of your life though.

It's still the best way for me but you are right about the high percentage of divorced single moms (or dads) on there and the picky profiles. I run advanced searches and exclude things I don't want (namely kids and smokers) and I plainly state that in my profile. But there are plenty my age with adult kids I don't mind dating. Just have to avoid the ones also raising grandkids (or babysitting them fulltime). Just by reading the essay you can get a good idea if it may work - I go for the ones without too many conditions.

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04 Jan 2013, 4:40 pm

techstepgenr8tion wrote:

No, the feeling is always so much more authentic when two people in two groups of friends see each other, take interest, and the whole thing happens not only organically but with plenty of social proof to go around.

Internet dating is the complete inorganic inverse.

Groups of friends?

What are they?

Your comment might make sense in a neurotypical context, but on an Aspie forum it doesn't make much sense to imply that (m)any of us have "groups of friends."

nessa238
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04 Jan 2013, 4:40 pm

ALguy1957 wrote:

nessa238 wrote:

I think online dating can be ok - it all depends on how badly you want to meet someone and what state of mind you're in and also how old you are ie how experienced at the game.

I've met a few people off sites who had relationships with so it can be done, but as I've got older I've noticed it's harder to find suitable people as the people around my age aren't often to my liking - they're often divorced and have children and I have no wish to play happy families at all.

As you get older your needs change and you also won't tolerate stuff you put up with when younger as you know yourself better.

If you're on your own and feeling lonely though there's nothing to be lost by putting ads on several sites and seeing who turns up - you can have chats with people at the very least, which is better than nothing.

I think you should start off by saying you are looking for friends, not the love of your life though.

You sound a lot more easygoing than me.

You've got it right when you call their profile details an 'essay' too - I've looked at other women's dating profiles and some are epics! They regularly say 'Update' on them too, like Facebook! lol You get their whole life story if you aren't careful!

nessa238
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04 Jan 2013, 4:42 pm

Plodder wrote:

techstepgenr8tion wrote:

Groups of friends?

What are they?

Your comment might make sense in a neurotypical context, but on an Aspie forum it doesn't make much sense to imply that (m)any of us have "groups of friends."

A lot on here do have groups of friends judging my some of the posts I've seen on here and I must admit I don't relate to these people at all!

The_Face_of_Boo
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04 Jan 2013, 5:25 pm

hyperlexian wrote:

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

hyperlexian wrote:

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

tell me hyperlexian, what am I like in real life?

since when have we been dating online? or going on cam?

You have amnesia, a horrible one.

sorry Boo, you can't have alllllllll the women of WP :wink:

Probably I was too sexy for your brain to handle.

nessa238
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04 Jan 2013, 5:36 pm

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=39YUXIKrOFk[/youtube] :lol:

billiscool
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05 Jan 2013, 1:16 am

hale_bopp wrote:

1000Knives wrote:

Certainly seems the best way is to go outside.

Meeting internet people usually makes me very uncomfortable, unlike in a natural setting. Maybe it's just me. I've always been this way.

I agree. how do I know the other lady on line is really a lady, it could be a guy who using a fake profile.

ALguy1957
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05 Jan 2013, 1:40 am

nessa238 wrote:

Thanks, Nessa. I prefer easy-going women too. The essay is actually the paragraph where they describe what they want in a partner, hobbies, interests, activities, etc. The whole thing is called a profile which includes the list of details like eye color, height, whether or not they smoke & drink, have kids, etc. What turns me off the most are profiles with half the details left blank or with no essay at all, or a very long one full of conditions that talkes 5 minutes just to read! But I'm mainly talking about POF and Datehookup. OKCupid is set up different, It has 5 or 6 short essay questions. I don't use OKC much because it has fewer members than the other two and very few compatible with me.

nessa238
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05 Jan 2013, 3:26 am

ALguy1957 wrote:

nessa238 wrote:

I've used POF and OKCupid and only ended up meeting people off POF. I was just thinking that I don't put a paragraph describing the real me as it would be too bizarre! It would have to say 'Looking for a person who is kind, tolerant, witty, with a very cynical black sense of humour and willing to act as a parent substitute, happy to do the housework and go to the shop for me whenever I need chocolate' Lol

ArrantPariah
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05 Jan 2013, 4:07 pm

hyperlexian wrote:

ArrantPariah wrote:

i think they just call it "dating" by default as it's the easy word that people understand to mean "in a relationship"

I have a really hard time with the euphemisms surrounding romance.

I though that "in a relationship" would generally be taken to mean that intimate physical contact, including genital contact, would have been part and parcel of the deal.

Vitamin-K
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06 Jan 2013, 6:17 am

This thread is full of ambiguity.

You (hale_bopp) state that online dating sites are a tough place to meet people, saying you've only met five or so persons. My question is what's your screening process? What are red flags to you? Five meets/dates in ten years tells me you get a date once every two years, and you can't find somebody to be with if you're not seeing people. (Which I'm sure you know.) :D

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