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I am not feeling it; no I am not.

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The_Face_of_Boo
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08 Jan 2013, 6:31 pm

nessa238 wrote:
In my opinion the standard relationship model works insofar as a person sees themselves as part of their mainstream (NT) culture.

I used to before I knew I had Aspergers and was engaged to be married at one point (but I'd agreed to that more to please the other person than for myself and it didn't work out anyway) but after my diagnosis I more or less abandoned efforts to fit in with NTs as I'd been categorically told I wasn't one of them so I couldn't see the point any more.

I have now found a far more workable model and that is living with a male friend while I see another person for a physical relationship. So there are two people providing for my needs instead of one person having to bear all the responsibility.
This works out far better for me and I don't feel I am too vulnerable if the relationship goes wrong as I continue to have the support of my friend so this is a safety net.

While I am happier having the physical relationship as well as the friendship, the friendship is the most important relationship ie it is more essential to my wellbeing.



Image

Sorry, that model has nothing to do with NT/AS, it is ..... an unusual model and I am not sure if it's fair for either for your two males.



The_Face_of_Boo
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08 Jan 2013, 6:34 pm

mellisamouse wrote:
maybe you will meet someone on here???


Yea, because WP is crowded with people living in the Middle East, let alone living in my country.



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I only had friends over because my boyfriend wanted to meet people, so I let people in my life again, and I had other friends before only because they forced their way into my life, (so more like creeper frienemies)


So you had a social life , that what matters.

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I still beleiev in concentrating on hobbies and interests, and then the people with the same hobbies and interests accidentally spend more and more time and then, oops! :)


Yeah, I do that.



Last edited by The_Face_of_Boo on 08 Jan 2013, 6:42 pm, edited 1 time in total.

nessa238
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08 Jan 2013, 6:38 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
nessa238 wrote:
In my opinion the standard relationship model works insofar as a person sees themselves as part of their mainstream (NT) culture.

I used to before I knew I had Aspergers and was engaged to be married at one point (but I'd agreed to that more to please the other person than for myself and it didn't work out anyway) but after my diagnosis I more or less abandoned efforts to fit in with NTs as I'd been categorically told I wasn't one of them so I couldn't see the point any more.

I have now found a far more workable model and that is living with a male friend while I see another person for a physical relationship. So there are two people providing for my needs instead of one person having to bear all the responsibility.
This works out far better for me and I don't feel I am too vulnerable if the relationship goes wrong as I continue to have the support of my friend so this is a safety net.

While I am happier having the physical relationship as well as the friendship, the friendship is the most important relationship ie it is more essential to my wellbeing.



Image

Sorry, that model has nothing to do with NT/AS, it is ..... an unusual model and I am not sure if it's fair for either for your two males.


It has something to do with me being AS and both the other people probably being somewhere on the autistic spectrum as well
as it means we don't feel the need to adhere to NT relationship structures - we go with what suits us instead

If my male friend wanted to find a partner that would be his choice and my partner didn't want a standard relationship anyway - he likes how things are.

I think you are thinking too much inside the box and that you are probably too influenced by living in a predominantly patriarchal (male-dominant) society.



The_Face_of_Boo
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08 Jan 2013, 6:49 pm

Your relationship structure is a form of polygamy (one emotional - one physical); that what I found weird about, not because it's 1f-2m.



nessa238
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08 Jan 2013, 7:07 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Your relationship structure is a form of polygamy (one emotional - one physical); that what I found weird about, not because it's 1f-2m.


I don't agree. The person I live with is a good friend ie it's not a relationship in the boyfriend/girlfriend type way.



The_Face_of_Boo
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09 Jan 2013, 2:09 am

nessa238 wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Your relationship structure is a form of polygamy (one emotional - one physical); that what I found weird about, not because it's 1f-2m.


I don't agree. The person I live with is a good friend ie it's not a relationship in the boyfriend/girlfriend type way.



You made them sound as two parrallels, it seems to me a friendzoning scenario combined with FWB.



nessa238
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09 Jan 2013, 8:23 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
nessa238 wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Your relationship structure is a form of polygamy (one emotional - one physical); that what I found weird about, not because it's 1f-2m.


I don't agree. The person I live with is a good friend ie it's not a relationship in the boyfriend/girlfriend type way.



You made them sound as two parrallels, it seems to me a friendzoning scenario combined with FWB.


No, I used to be in a relationship with the person I live with for about a year and then the relationship stopped and just friendship continued. With the other person it is FWB but we are exclusive to each other and it has become more like a relationship in my opinion ie we talk online most days and we have said we love each other.



Chloe33
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09 Jan 2013, 6:42 pm

If you don't feel anything, or feel "in love" as she might, it is best to be truthful and tell her,
sometimes you may really feel something, other times not.
I would think it would have happened long by now already if you were to feel something.



mellisamouse
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17 Jan 2013, 2:39 pm

oops, was meant as a thread not as a reply



Last edited by mellisamouse on 17 Jan 2013, 3:22 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Vitamin-K
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17 Jan 2013, 3:00 pm

Boo if you want to fit in to society dating people and getting into a relationship that will last you are going to have to WORK at it.

You have a lot of reasons, escapes or excuses as to how things are "too much" for you. We may have Asperger's but it's not a disease that you can't cure. You have the power to train yourself to change. Do you want to? If so ask for help and accept it. Don't throw up walls.

To be completely honest I appreciate helping people, but you need to actually want the help. AND SEX IS NOT THE ANSWER. Good grief people don't suggest sex. That will get Boo in over his head. Boo, if you really like someone you will. My Dad once told me not to make girlfriends, but to make friends. Out of friendship sometimes come the strongest relationships.

So my suggestion is this (since I do want to help after all and not just point and glare.) If you're on dating sites or what have you and find someone who is interested, just let the person know you are looking for some friends. Friendship is the foundation to a solid relationship. As your friendship progresses you may actually find you really like this girl! Great! Let those feelings develop and mature. That's the most important thing in my opinion; we've lost that in society recently it seems.

If you start with a relationship and don't have a base of friendship to build off of, you're building the castle on sand, so to speak. It's easy to build it real high but when you get to the top it can fall over real fast.

:)



The_Face_of_Boo
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18 Jan 2013, 3:15 am

Vitamin-K wrote:
Boo if you want to fit in to society dating people and getting into a relationship that will last you are going to have to WORK at it.

You have a lot of reasons, escapes or excuses as to how things are "too much" for you. We may have Asperger's but it's not a disease that you can't cure. You have the power to train yourself to change. Do you want to? If so ask for help and accept it. Don't throw up walls.

To be completely honest I appreciate helping people, but you need to actually want the help. AND SEX IS NOT THE ANSWER. Good grief people don't suggest sex. That will get Boo in over his head. Boo, if you really like someone you will. My Dad once told me not to make girlfriends, but to make friends. Out of friendship sometimes come the strongest relationships.

So my suggestion is this (since I do want to help after all and not just point and glare.) If you're on dating sites or what have you and find someone who is interested, just let the person know you are looking for some friends. Friendship is the foundation to a solid relationship. As your friendship progresses you may actually find you really like this girl! Great! Let those feelings develop and mature. That's the most important thing in my opinion; we've lost that in society recently it seems.

If you start with a relationship and don't have a base of friendship to build off of, you're building the castle on sand, so to speak. It's easy to build it real high but when you get to the top it can fall over real fast.

:)



I should have banged her when she offered me herself just after the first date.

Friendship my ass.



Vitamin-K
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18 Jan 2013, 11:25 am

Mature.



The_Face_of_Boo
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18 Jan 2013, 12:02 pm

Vitamin-K wrote:
Mature.



Exactly.



MXH
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18 Jan 2013, 12:43 pm

Vitamin-K wrote:
Mature.


considering its what 99% of men would have done in that position...



Vitamin-K
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18 Jan 2013, 5:55 pm

I think 99% is a bit high, but the mature card was sarcasm if you didn't pick up on that.

I have had that life of going through girls. It's not a good or healthy one.



The_Face_of_Boo
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19 Jan 2013, 3:05 am

Vitamin-K wrote:
I think 99% is a bit high, but the mature card was sarcasm if you didn't pick up on that.

I have had that life of going through girls. It's not good or healthy one.



I know you were being sarcastic.

Let me experience that life first and decide for myself whether it's good or not. I am virgin in case you don't know.