Nice Guy™

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I think the whole crux of the "Nice Guy/Girl" issue is a) honesty and b) a sense of entitlement.

These people aren't being honest in their friendship, the person of their affections has NO idea that the friendship is conditional unil the "Nice Guy/Girl" finally makes a move.

That's when the entitlement thing comes in. And guys and girls, just because you are nice to someone does NOT entitle you to a romantic relationship with them. Being nice is something you should be doing to everyone anyway, because it's the right thing to do. Again too, the honesty bit comes in, the "Nice Guy/Girl" has been trying to paint themselves up as this amazing supportive friend, however it's a facade, as the moment they get rejected the covers come off and the sulky, whiny, entitled brat that they really are comes out.

Imagine you are the "victim" of a "Nice Guy/Girl", this person who you thought was a great friend suddenly turning on you. Someone you trusted.

Point is, if you like someone in a romantic sense, try and let them know when you get the guts, and don't treat them like crap because they don't have to like you back. And don't treat them (or their new bf/gf) like crap/try to break them up when they finally find someone they want, whether you've spilled your heart or not.

None if this addresses those who require a friendship before going into a relationship with someone. I feel that they are wrongly put in with these other types of people who manipulate people. I don't see how people like me can be blamed if we go at a different pace than others. I've known people for years before feelings ever grew for them and yet I'm still made out to be a monster.

Also I think a really well circulated article named Taylor Swift as a famous example of a female Nice Guy.

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Some girls are predatory. I was on vacation in Florida and a girl not too much older than me asks if she can borrow my phone. I don't know if I've ever refused anyone borrowing my phone before, and I've even given rides to say, old men who were strangers to me who asked. So maybe I'm "nice." Let's for sake of argument say I am.

Anyway, girl borrows my phone, gives it back. Couple minutes later, I get a phone call from some gangsta sounding black dude. I was like "Yeah some girl borrowed my phone." I had a feeling something was "off" now. I see two black dudes pull up in their car, and the girl get in the back seat for a minute. A drug deal. She used my phone for a drug deal. Later I see her talking on her own phone. She just used my phone to avoid police surveillance. I could have gotten in some amount of trouble over being "Nice." Obviously a man can do something like this, too, but a man hasn't done it to me. You'd think with violent crime rates and whatnot, a man would be more likely to do it. She preyed upon my naivete and "niceness."

Is it anecdotal? Sure, but all things like this are.

Anyway, onto my main point.

There's a difference between an equal friendship between men and women and the relationships many "Nice guys" fall prey to. One of my friends for example, used to drive around a girl "friend" everywhere. She took advantage of him for rides without her giving anything in return for the friendship except her constantly bitching about her boyfriend she'd drive her to. And why'd he do it? Because he was "nice." You're taught to be nice to girls early in life. IE, if you punch a boy on the playground in elementary school, you get in significantly less trouble than if you punch a girl.

But the more I see of life, I conclude that with women, with few exceptions, you should not treat them any differently as friends than your male friends. One of my friends with Aspergers explained it like this, he'd watch America's Next Top Model with his first girlfriend for like 8 hours at a time. He'd never do that with a male friend. In this case, men and women are different. They're gonna have different interests, many times vastly different. There's not going to be a high proportion of, say, female car mechanics and powerlifters or something. So finding friendship with women based upon commonality will be much harder for most guys.

All friendship is somewhat give and take. Sometimes you can deal with small amounts of idiocy or taking advantage by a friend if it's offset somewhere else. But, if you have a friend that can't offer you anything really, and worse, takes advantage of you, you say "thanks but no thanks" and generally you part ways. After the 20th time calling for a ride or something with nothing in return, you're like "no I can't pick you up, bye." And then said "friend" moves on.

The problem with women is, many guys will get into friendships with women that they offer nothing really in return, and are not compatible as friends. And then this is where the negative connotations of "nice guy" sex and romance come into play. The women generally offer nothing tangible for friendship with the man (no real shared hobbies or interests usually) but the man sticks around for the one thing she can offer, sex or romance. I guess it is a selfish thought process, but it's the process used with all friends. Otherwise your friends are just vampires or parasites really. but this I think is where the "nice guy" entitlement sorta attitude stems from.

I think it's less some intrinsic diabolic plot by men and more just not being honest with yourself really about friendship and what it entails. So it is "niceness" much of the time at the start, but it turns not nice. Basically, if you're male, and have female friends, ask yourself the serious question of "Would I still talk to her or do stuff with her if she was male." It's hard a lot of the time, the example of my friend with his first girlfriend and America's Next Top Model comes to mind. Lots of times even just being around a girl will make you feel really good. But that's the litmus test. "Would I still talk to/be around/do things with her if she was male." If it's no, just end the friendship to save some heartache from the 99.99% chance your eventual romantic endeavours will be futile.

I guess that's all.

I've had a few men and a few women mistake me for a guy(really only since I changed my avatar to Vladimir Nabokov) and most make a brief apology. I never really think much of it.

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