I just had an AWESOME first date. What next?

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The_Face_of_Boo
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18 Jan 2013, 6:41 am

ruckus wrote:

Brianruns10 wrote:

Still no call back.

What a f**** up world we live in, where the lonely get lonelier.

I'm writing more people at OKCupid Writing every day. I will not live another year alone.

There's nothing f**** up about it, it makes perfect sense. You're scaring these people away in a self-destructive cycle perpetuated by a debilitating fear of loneliness. Whether you mean to or not, people are going to sense your desperation and it's going to turn them off. I know telling you to relax is easier said than done, but you need to figure out a strategy to help you be comfortable with the fact that you will be rejected sometimes (maybe even most of the time), first dates won't lead anywhere, and relationships will sour, and that's not the end of the world. If you keep treating every date as your last chance at happiness you will never get out of this cycle.

Maybe, maybe not - it depends on how much he can mask his fear and insecurities.

No, people can't sense invisible things - humans are not mind readers.

Geekonychus
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18 Jan 2013, 10:04 am

You need to chill. Take a break and reevaluate. You aren't even 30 and based on some of the other threads I've seen, you're fairly good looking and successful. You have plenty of time to find the right person.

If you are lonely you should be focusing on expanding your social circle and making new friends, not girlfriends.

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

Maybe, maybe not - it depends on how much he can mask his fear and insecurities.

No, people can't sense invisible things - humans are not mind readers.

Woman can be very perceptive and there are dozens of ways he can be giving them away.

The_Face_of_Boo
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18 Jan 2013, 10:10 am

Geekonychus wrote:

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

Maybe, maybe not - it depends on how much he can mask his fear and insecurities.

No, people can't sense invisible things - humans are not mind readers.

Woman can be very perceptive. and there are dozens of ways he can be giving them away

Not more than men, those are myths from magazines and sitcoms.

Like "women can sense your insecurity from a mile"

or like

"Women can read your mind" or "women can sense your anger vibes".

all these talks about vibes-sensing and other super powers in women are bullcraps, but they persist to exist in the media.

Geekonychus
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18 Jan 2013, 12:25 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

I never said men couldn't be perceptive as well. The truth of the matter is that when people (both men and woman) are on dates they are, in general, going to be more mindful of the other person's words and actions. Most women are always going to be looking for potential redflags and seeming desperate is a big one.

Maybe he's right and he's completely able to mask his insecurities and desperation, but judging from the extreme statements he's made in this thread, I find that hard to believe.

MCalavera
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18 Jan 2013, 12:51 pm

I consider Brian to be an example of a genuinely nice guy and yet struggles to find a good relationship with a woman. And I doubt getting laid is the first thing on his mind when it comes to such a relationship.

So Nice Guy Syndrome doesn't apply only to fakes and jerks who are just after sex.

The_Face_of_Boo
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18 Jan 2013, 12:54 pm

I thank the heavens that I am not nice.

Stalk
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