Is size/weight a big factor in attraction for you?

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I thought about this and I realised I have made comments before about friends relationship choices, rarely based on weight, and only sometimes on appearance, but I'd definitely made the comment ''she can do better''. Never to the person it concerns though, because I wouldn't' want to hurt their feelings and also if she likes the person well then who am I to come between them. I've more just made it to mutual friends, say we'd heard a lot about x person and then we finally meet them, well maybe they weren't what we were expecting or whatever. Recounting it now it does seems a little bit harsh, but as I said I wouldn't say it to the persons face to save their feelings, more just musing about my friend and their choice of partners, and also because I think very highly of them I can't help thinking at times that they sell themselves shorts..idk it's kind of hard to explain without sounding like a total b***h but too late for that I suppose.

Depends on how it's prepared. If it's fried in oil like the sausages on the gas station (note: plant oil changes it's chemical structure at 85 degrees celcius, rendering it unhealthy), there's very little difference. It generally has more proteins and less calories than regular hot dogs, and it's not full of estrogen like tofu is.

Yes, I have had discussions on food and I even question women on their dietary choices as it is a determining factor in compatibility to me. I do not want a partner that smokes, drinks on a regular basis or chooses to eat unhealthy foods like processed meat or white pasta. As for dates, I would much rather go somewhere like a healthy cafe with a wide selection of food rather than a fast food restaurant.

I don't know dude, not dating a girl for eating white pasta is a bit extreme. That's like saying the entire country of Italy and Greece is unhealthy and has been for centuries (Greece has one of the longest lifespans.)

As far as me personally, well, I consider people who are in reasonable shape most attractive. As I get older I do tend to like "thicker" girls, though. Maybe it's biology saying they'll bear me good super strong children who will be able to pick up heavy logs all day or something. So yeah, in attractiveness, there is a point where a girl is too fat to be attractive to me anymore. I don't expect perfection, just once a girl starts getting a big gut, the curves are gone and are replaced by a singular "curve." But that's about where I go with it. Obviously I'd like any potential girl of mine to look like some Greek goddess statue or something, but as far as being realistic, that's where I fall.

As far as health and stuff, I do believe to some degree it's an indicator of health, your weight. When I was 230 I had high blood pressure, was much less physically capable, etc. I'm much happier when I look in the mirror now compared to before when I'd be disgusted with myself. As far as a workout partner, etc, I don't expect that out of a girl really. Girls probably will not do my same workout. In my case, though, through skating and the gym, it's likely my biggest dating pool is physically active, as they're my main places I socialize at all. I'd like a girl that has some sort of regular exercise, and would go for hikes/walking at the very least.

A bigger thing for me is cooking, though. This is one big reason I'm looking to date abroad. Most American girls can't/won't cook. In my parents case, this broke up their marriage I think. My dad was very health conscious and would buy organic/cook from scratch, and my mom wanted none of it and would even discourage it, it was a clash of ideals. I'm not even expecting my wife to cook all the time or anything, but I want someone who can appreciate a vast variety of foods, and will either cook, or help me cook (hell, I'd settle with even just eat what I'm cooking) the majority of what I eat from scratch. That's been one of my biggest things as far as keeping good health, as long as my food remains mostly from scratch, I can maintain weight pretty comfortably without much effort. But I want someone with the same idea of "food" as me, as in it not being from a box, can, restaurant all the time. And someone who can appreciate a wide variety of food from various parts of the world. So in this case, either I find a girl with a very "alternative" kinda lifestyle here in the states (some "hippie" types would fit the bill) or go abroad where girls are still taught to cook.

On my dad's end, though, he was a bit of what you could call orthorexic, and was a bit extreme. However my mom was the opposite extreme, and almost everything she ate was frozen/boxed/canned, and none cooked from fresh. The few times she cooked from scratch it was all very bland and boiled, no seasonings, etc. So with two people of extremes like that, a balance will never be reached. I'd be OK with eating at McDonalds, say, once a week, stuff like that. Just not OK with getting the point of McDonalds and Hungry Man frozen dinners for every meal.

Last edited by 1000Knives on 09 Mar 2013, 1:35 pm, edited 1 time in total.

If I'm not mistaken, I believe that fitness is Wolfheart's obsession. It seems that he wants a partner with the same obsession. That seems reasonable to me.

Is this correct, Wolfheart?

While there's some "thicker" people in my main sport (skating) anyone who reaches a high level is considered by regular population to be skinny. I was fat before I started and got skinny quick. I've even seen some women "transform" and lose a ton of weight. I do agree there are people who are naturally bigger, and maybe not all will have six pack abs in their life, nor should they necessarily be working for that, but I do think the number is vastly inflated by, basically obesity advocates. Just look around you in any sport. Maybe 1/20 or at most 1/10 is obese/noticeably overweight? Except for sports that favor it like weightlifting, American football, throwing/shotput/other track and field events like that. Otherwise your numbers may include people like me, or Wolfheart, who for BMI purposes have too much muscle mass to fit (5'9 180lbs is like a 27 BMI, even at single digit bodyfat I'd be like a 25.) But in that case the general public will look at us and see us as not fat.

As far as a physically active but obese person, most even with a tad extra bodyfat do tend to look OK/not have huge guts/etc. But I'm talking really physically active. For example, I met two girls who were "bigger" but I found them really attractive, one hiked a mountain and gave me some oranges to eat. One I saw when I got lost on a logging road in Vermont. These weren't people sitting on a treadmill or going to Zumba class and eating Healthy Choice, these were people doing REAL physical activity. So in that case, it's more of a "I'll know it when I see it" kinda thing.

that's the point - looking like someone's idea of fitness is judging them on appearance and not on actual behaviour or fitness, which is contrary to what he actually said.

the topic is about whether size/weight is a big factor in attraction, and whether people judge others who date overweight/obese people.

Philosoraptor - same point - he is asserting that he is not excluding larger people based on aesthetics, but clearly it must be. he has never stated that fit obese people are any more unattractive than unfit people because he seems to think that a fit obese person cannot exist, in spite of the facts. i think this is because if he believed the facts then he would have to accept that his attraction is based partly on appearance and it seems he cannot admit that.

Wolfheart, i don't think you would ask questions like that before you meet someone for casual sex. for dating it makes sense - it looks like a good list of questions that wouldn't necessarily eliminate overweight or obese people either. they could eat a diet like that too. but if you've already eliminated them from your dating pool you wouldn't know that.

yeah, if they asked for an honest answer. It seems people don't really want to know the truth, because if they are sensitive about it, they might get to change their mind easily. but then why ask if you are not prepared for everyone's opinion about it. the OP didn't make a fuss about it either. I guess in my own little world. it would have been nice, if everyone could state the obvious, hey you are fat. are you dealing with it? yes, ok can we move on now. what's the big deal.

Yes, I belive Wolfheart has an obsession for health and fitness, sounds similar to my BF. I'm vegan and all but I'm not super fit, I'm very normal in the weight range and belive in light exercise for fitness. Either way I do think not wanting a girl for eating white pasta is a bit too much. Although I rarely eat pasta, sometimes I might crave it and cook up some white pasta with some nice sauce. As long as a person works out and all, then there shouldn't be an issue. It reminds me of extreme raw vegans who only date other raw vegans.

The infamous...

I'm a bit late in the discussion, but to answer the original question...

It seems to be a big factor for many people.

I find it becoming more important for me as I exercise more and take care of my body. If I take care of my appearance to attract my partner, I'd want him to reciprocate.

Also, being healthy can build confidence, which can make it seem like that person is a "better" partner at first glance. But some don't have anything to show for that confidence beyond their great body.

So I like a balance between ego and reality as well. I'd rather have someone genuine with an okay body than someone full of themselves with a great body.

I honestly don't care much.

My rule is, as long as she keeps herself clean and can move around by herself, it's fine.

It's important for me. Even when I've been heavier myself, I've still only been attracted to slim/thin/fit/athletic types vs. overweight or obese. I'm currently in pretty good shape and keeping that way or better. So far so good with that.

I suppose if shape/size aesthetics aren't important criteria to you for attraction it wouldn't matter (duh) but we each have our different criteria and our "type," and there's nothing we can do about it. So I can see how it wouldn't matter for some, as there personal criteria for attraction may be all personality based vs. physical aesthetics etc.

If a friend were dating someone I found to be unattractive because they were waaaay too thin, or very obese, I'd probably make a mental not of it at the very least and think judgemental thoughts and wonder how my friend could be attracted to someone like that for a variety of the many reasons already posted in this thread - aesthetics, lifestyle, etc - but chances are I'd never voice my critical thoughts to my friend as it's none of my concern. I'd only bother to speak up if there were other glaring defects in their personality or the way they treat my friend. Not that I expect perfection of anyone, but if someone's obese, combined with being abusive or just an all 'round crazy b***h - I wouldn't be doing my friend any favours by not pointing out that they're making horrible relationship decisions & can certainly do much better than they think. I've never found myself in this situation as my friends seem to be able to select reasonable partners vs. subject themselves to crazy nasty people.

And excess body fat does affect personality in, almost always, a negative way. Increased body fat increases estrogen levels (fact) & that is why even overweight males can act like fat b*****s. Crude language aside, I'm being completely serious & factual here.

It is extremely important. Slightly hypocritical, considering that I am fairly large, but allow me to explain.

Everything has its place. With weight, what's most important is proportions. Some women can pull off the overweight thing and still be gorgeous, for some even a little fat is unattractive, and some are so skinny it's grotesque. Just like blonde or red hair looks tacky on a very dark woman, its all about the look fitting the woman, along with how they carry themselves.

That said, while it is possible to be a bit overweight and attractive, full on obesity never is.

Key word is "usually". You can't say this is the case for all obese people.

and unsurprisingly, there are absolutely no facts behind your supposedly factual statement that overweight men "act like b*****s" because of increased estrogen. you might want to try actually researching the topic as it is quite enlightening.