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uwmonkdm
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23 Mar 2013, 12:43 pm

My problem is that I physically attract girls that are younger (18-21 ish); however women who are older understand me on an intellectual level (I'd say late 20's and above).
While I am not emotionally mature in relationships, I am too intellectually mature/wise/reserved etc. for younger girls or those my age. A large part of the emotional immaturity I attribute to the fact that I did not know about the possibility that asperger's may be causing me difficulties in that regard. I thought maybe I was just dating the wrong people, I was unlovable etc..

So I seem to have the opposite issue; 23 years old, attracting younger (and more physically attracted to younger in most cases), but I can't have any kind of conversation with young girls.
I feel like a 30 something year old man trapped in a 23 year old body.



ShelbyGt500
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23 Mar 2013, 4:50 pm

uwmonkdm wrote:
My problem is that I physically attract girls that are younger (18-21 ish); however women who are older understand me on an intellectual level (I'd say late 20's and above).
While I am not emotionally mature in relationships, I am too intellectually mature/wise/reserved etc. for younger girls or those my age. A large part of the emotional immaturity I attribute to the fact that I did not know about the possibility that asperger's may be causing me difficulties in that regard. I thought maybe I was just dating the wrong people, I was unlovable etc..

So I seem to have the opposite issue; 23 years old, attracting younger (and more physically attracted to younger in most cases), but I can't have any kind of conversation with young girls.
I feel like a 30 something year old man trapped in a 23 year old body.


While I have no credentials, I declare you an entirely normal aspie male. There is nothing wrong with you.



Elensar
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23 Mar 2013, 9:45 pm

I think the whole age difference is kind of stupid. I've tried to go out with a girl that was 18, and I was 23 at the time. I personally see nothing wrong with dating 18 year old girls, especially since they are closer in maturity to me. I'm also attracted to girls that are as much as 3 years older than me, for some reason.

If society looks down on marrying girls that are 5 years younger than me, then my dating pool is already fast shrinking at my age of 24. Because I'm LDS, and LDS people tend to marry young, this taboo involving age difference may shrink my dating pool. Once I get to 31, finding somebody to marry will get really hard. (I might add that I only intend on marrying a LDS girl.) And I haven't figured out how relationships work. :(



ShelbyGt500
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23 Mar 2013, 9:57 pm

Elensar wrote:
I think the whole age difference is kind of stupid. I've tried to go out with a girl that was 18, and I was 23 at the time. I personally see nothing wrong with dating 18 year old girls, especially since they are closer in maturity to me. I'm also attracted to girls that are as much as 3 years older than me, for some reason.

If society looks down on marrying girls that are 5 years younger than me, then my dating pool is already fast shrinking at my age of 24. Because I'm LDS, and LDS people tend to marry young, this taboo involving age difference may shrink my dating pool. Once I get to 31, finding somebody to marry will get really hard. (I might add that I only intend on marrying a LDS girl.) And I haven't figured out how relationships work. :(


If you want to set marriage is a goal, that's fine. I've never been married. When I see all the grief that is involved with marriage, the high rate of divorces, and all of the other issues, I'm glad that's never happened to me. For some reason, people still like the idea of having a life partner. For my part, I wouldn't mind that at all. There are good points made for simply having an amicable relationship that does not involve co-mingling of property or finances. So, don't feel bad if you don't get married, having a girlfriend is really good enough.

I'm not LDS, but I do live in Arizona. If you travel a lot here as an LDS male, your church members will introduce you to nice girls like their Chinese brides. And truthfully, in this neck of the woods, the LDS people are really nice.

Great progress is been made in the areas of race, gender, sexual orientation, and physical disability. However, we are hit with two of the remaining areas of prejudice: 1) autism; and 2) age discrimination. It's really too bad. I'm honestly sorry to see any specific instance that seems to justify the principle of irrational prejudice. Yes, there are very useful generalizations, and I generalize all the time. But, generalization should be founded in some good and appropriate rationale.



rabbittss
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23 Mar 2013, 10:12 pm

Elensar wrote:
I think the whole age difference is kind of stupid. I've tried to go out with a girl that was 18, and I was 23 at the time. I personally see nothing wrong with dating 18 year old girls, especially since they are closer in maturity to me. I'm also attracted to girls that are as much as 3 years older than me, for some reason.

If society looks down on marrying girls that are 5 years younger than me, then my dating pool is already fast shrinking at my age of 24. Because I'm LDS, and LDS people tend to marry young, this taboo involving age difference may shrink my dating pool. Once I get to 31, finding somebody to marry will get really hard. (I might add that I only intend on marrying a LDS girl.) And I haven't figured out how relationships work. :(


Well my fiance was 6 years younger than me, and mostly no one could tell. But eventually it became an issue because she simply wasn't as ready to "settle down" and abandon her party lifestyle a she thought she was. Eventually she got bored with me and my reticence to get involved with drugs, I really don't like being pressured to do recreation drugs or "Take just one more shot!", or excessive drinking and fell out of love with me.

At this point I consider 21 to be my baseline that I will not date anyone younger than that simply because I don't want to run into any issues with venues or what have you. Lots of places in my state are 21+ only after 10pm, even if they serve food. So I just don't want to deal with that anymore. And I don't want to feel like I'm being used as a reliable source of booze. Something which you as an LDS member won't have to worry about.

But at this point I've got some plans for working overseas and I fully intend to go for my PHD, so I'm not sure if I'm really looking for a super long term thing as it would necessitate us getting married in order for her to go with me. What I'm really looking for is more positive experiences with women so that once I've gotten to a position in my life to really look for some one permanent I'll have the skills I need to do it.



Neurochick
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12 Apr 2013, 12:02 pm

I felt the need to post for the first time on WP because of this topic. So here goes...
I'm an NT broad. I've been dating an AS dude for almost three years. I'm 38. He's 23.
The age gap is difficult at times, but I honestly think that it's been a huge benefit to our relationship. I'm divorced with a teenage daughter, and I'm not looking for another marriage or more children. Since he doesn't want kids or marriage, it makes our situation perfect. I'm stable, settled, and I don't need constant reassurance the way some younger girls do. I have the patience and time to devote to understanding him. I have a good job, a house, my own set of friends, and I don't need to lean on him for support. I just want to be able to love him, to be around him, and to enjoy him for the unique and beautiful soul he is. I'm less concerned with how he appears to other people - I could care less if people look at him strangely when we're out together. And the wonderful thing is, he feels the same. He never notices if other people look askance at us. I always tease him that I'm going to write a self-help book recommending that AS men date older women because we've been so successful.
Of course, it's not always easy. But like anything, if it's worth having, it's worth working for.



Jainz
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12 Apr 2013, 12:31 pm

In most cases I don't see the problem with significant age gaps. If the two people are happy and stable, what business is it of other people?



Chrisicus
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12 Apr 2013, 12:56 pm

I'm 20, I wouldn't date women younger then 18 and the oldest I'd go for is 25. I dunno I would rather relate to someone my age. I find age gaps a bit dodgy to be honest.



Jainz
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12 Apr 2013, 1:02 pm

Chrisicus wrote:
I'm 20, I wouldn't date women younger then 18 and the oldest I'd go for is 25. I dunno I would rather relate to someone my age. I find age gaps a bit dodgy to be honest.


That is a fair point I guess. Sometimes it's hard to relate to someone far from your age.



Pabalebo
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13 Apr 2013, 2:20 am

I'm 21, almost 22, and I feel weird even talking to 18-year-olds. I don't know... maybe it's because the jobs and reputation I have at my college put me in a position where a lot of 18 and 19 year olds ask me for advice about things... and I don't know, it just feels strange thinking about even the hottest freshmen girls in any other way than as my students. I generally am most comfortable talking to women my own age or maybe slightly older... I'd say 21-25 is ideal for me.


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