FWB relationships - your opinion?

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I don't think there are any circumstances I could be in a FWB relationship. Mostly because I can't tolerate human contact in general, and do not like the idea of any sexual partner of mine using me for sex.

I don't mean use anyone at all.

To me sex is just a biological thing. But unfortunately it is sufficiently biologically important that it screws up our minds in many ways, so I guess you have to be careful. The appropriateness really depends on your mental stability.

I had a FWB with this one guy for years and years. Broke it off when I got married, but we are still friends. Just no more benefits. This started when I was in high school and he was actually my very first. I wanted to do it but didn't have a bf and he was my friend and so I asked him. I was his first too. He was very popular and had girls all over him, and throughout the years he never had problems getting laid whenever he wanted to, and being a girl I never had problems getting laid whenever I wanted to, but sometimes you just want sex without all the drama and crap that a relationship can involve. Plus, the fact that he was a friend and I trusted him and he trusted me meant that if one of us wanted to try something new we could try it with each other before trying it on somebody that we wanted to actually impress.

He was, like I said, very popular and was the kind of guy who would go out with a girl, screw her and then dump her, or have two or three gf's at once and juggled them so they never ran into each other or knew about each other, etc. He was basically a dog when it came to that kind of stuff. I'd tell him how I felt about his behavior and he would listen but he didn't change. I love him dearly but couldn't ever love him in a romantic way because I know him too well. The whole thing was just very comfortable. We would talk about our actual relationships to each other, gave each other advice, was there with a bottle of whiskey and a shoulder to cry on when it didn't work out for one of us, and we never had any kind of actual awkwardness with the whole thing.

I'm very aware though, that this kind of FWB isn't all that common. I value his friendship over the sex, as he does me, and it's not always about sex. We would hang out and not even touch each other at times. Sometimes we would do it every day for weeks and other times we would hang out with each other or I'd stay at his house for weeks and we wouldn't even touch each other. A lot of times guys will be in FWB relationships but they aren't actually friends with the girl. They call themselves her friend but they don't really care that much about her life and like hanging around with her when they are both fully dressed, etc. It's like they just put up with listening to her so they can get some. That, to me, is just a booty call and if that's what somebody wants they should make it clear that they do not want to hear your s**t, they want to get down to business and then go home. That's perfectly fine if that's what everybody wants, but I know several guys who have been in FWB's with girls (not me though) and they would tell me about that, and that's how it was for them.

I'm still very close to this guy but I don't see him often at all. Maybe once every few years. We sometimes go years without contact now, but we always manage to find each other and it's always like picking up right where we left off. No sex anymore, but that's perfectly ok with both of us. I think he's one of the few people in my life who I was meant to be with. Not "with" as in a couple or anything, but with as in friends/family type thing. He was going to give me away at my wedding, cause I didn't have a male relative and other than the sex part he was as close as a brother to me, but he couldn't get the time off work to come up there and he was also on the other side of the country at that time. He feels about sex like I do. That unless you are in love with the person, it's really just physical and no different than a back rub. For a while when he was in his early 20's he did it professionally. I didn't believe him at first, but it was true. He did a porn movie too but I don't think I could watch it without laughing. He's all into filming it and he's actually got tapes of me and him that he still watches to this day. I cannot believe he saved those.

Anyway, that's how it was for me. I've had a couple other FWB's but they were actually more like just booty calls. This guy though, we were both looking for relationships and to fall in love, but just not with each other. He was my back up plan and I was his. If neither of us were married by the time we were 30 we were going to marry each other and have a kid. Luckily, that did not happen.

So, if you have a good relationship, FWB can be great. If you don't, I imagine it could be a nightmare.

I've had all of that out of a fwb.

How do you get a fwb any ways. I don't know very many single women, and one I do know, are not into that kind of lifestyle. ( maybe I should find more liberal female friends,
Instead of conservative and married women, It's all by luck, I just happen to approach them types for some reason)

The very first one I had I asked my guy friend if he wanted to have sex. I think I said something like "Wanda keeps saying she's gonna do it with Matt Walker and I told her I could do it before she does and I don't have a boyfriend and they are gonna do it this weekend. You wanna do it with me tomorrow after school? Just as friends though." He said ok. Remember I was 15, I wasn't very good at communicating stuff like that.

The ones I've been in afterwards, either the guy said something or I did. Usually what happens is you start making out, and when it's obvious that it could go past just that one of you says something like "Just sex ok? No commitment or anything. I don't want a girlfriend/boyfriend" and if the other person is ok with it you say "OK" and there ya go.

With Ole Boy it was sort of different. My marriage was falling apart, I was upset and posted something on FB about it and he asked if I wanted to come over and drink some beer. "Drink some beer" was obviously code for "have sex" and after almost 25 years of being faithful (when he wasn't most of the time) I said why not. I had thought he was hot for years but never thought of actually doing anything. So we go to his house, sit on the couch and drink a beer and he kissed me and then we started making out and he said "You're married, this can't be anything other than sex" I said something like "You have a wonderful grasp of the obvious, I wasn't planning on falling in love, don't worry. Plus I heard you're crazy and I don't need more drama than I already have. This will just be dirty and secret, like it's supposed to be". He said "This will work out great then" and it did. Until we both started having feelings. It's ok though. This year will be three years that it's been going on. I don't know where it's gonna go from here, (see the poly thread for where I wish it could go) but it is what it is, and that's that.

Yeah, I don't think my female friends would have sex with me. I don't got that kind of sex appeal. But oliveoilmom, You have way better social skills with men, than I do with women. So, It little bit tougher on my side. Im 30 and only had sex with one woman. for some of us autism guys, fwb is kinda not going to happen. But good luck with yours.

I find committed relationships with men to be pretty much something I never want, sex with men is not really my thing, not even because I don't like the physical aspect, I just don't like men for the most part,(as in, I dislike most men I encounter socially and would not want to sleep with them) so if I'm sleeping with a guy, it's definitely a FWB situation, but never more. It's pretty much the same with women, but the only committed relationships I could even imagine in my future would definitely be same sex relationships. I tend to like women, most of my friends are women, etc. I just don't have the draw to be in anything committed with a dude.

I was in a committed relationship years ago with a dude, got pregnant, got an abortion, and I was pretty careful then, but I'm extremely careful now. But that's how I dealt with the one unwanted pregnancy that came up, in a responsible manner. I've never caught an STI/STD etc. Sex is just sex, it's nothing more to me. The idea of someone I've slept with thinking it's more just repulses me. And I've run into those situations, I generally cut it off as soon as this comes to light.

If you were in a committed relationship, why did you get an abortion? Not trying to be mean, was he being a dirtbag about it? You don't have to answer if it is too personal a question.

The number one reason was that I have no desire to raise a child, no intention of ever being a parent.

You'll presumably have to meet elsewhere until his house has been rebuilt as you said it had burnt down the other day.

I would have gladly raised the child for you.

I'd give it a go personally, you can't know until you've tried it.

Yep, the inside is pretty much gutted. The outside is still there but I don't know what they are gonna do. Insurance man hasn't finished anything yet. I'm sure he will get a place. He will rent something till he either gets it fixed or tears it down and rebuilds entirely. So yep, we will have to meet somewhere else besides his house. Of course we don't always have sex. Most of the time now we just hang out and talk. Even if I sleep over we don't always have sex. We could just go out to eat or to a bar or something. He goes to Hooters a lot and I hear they have good hot wings. I don't mind the sports on tv or the waitresses with the big boobs, (which is why he goes there) if they have good food, I'll gladly eat there.

Well, that is officially the weirdest, creepiest, most f*****g disgusting thing anyone has ever said to me on these forums. Go choke.

Edited to clarify: If you want a kid, go adopt one, don't romanticize a clump of cells I had removed from my uterus like a parasite.

Last edited by meems on 13 May 2013, 7:19 pm, edited 1 time in total.