Poly relationships, opinions?

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yup... and most men are not poly, but pigs

Who the f**k is ole boy?
This sounds ridiculous.

While polyamory may be the way of nature, having actual polygamous relationships is nearly impossible, and I've never seen it work properly. I would assume the participants were deranged, brainwashed, or mentally deficient in some way if it did.

I envy the ultra-high-functioning aspies who can naturally do this with no troubles, as though it was the easiest thing in the world.

I don't understand how function plays into things. It's a different concept of relationships. I see an abundance of opinions here and a lack of much knowledge on the more judgmental side of the argument.

the socially high-functioning aspies was what I was referring-to. lower functioning aspies tend to not do the social things too well, such as easily connecting with other folks in romantic relationships. higher-functioning aspies with social gifts seem not to struggle at all.

I just don't see how it'd be any harder than a normal relationship. Most of the troubles with either type seem to start when people start behaving off of the template of the legendary "normal relationship" and start getting either jealous or greedy. Also, some of these relationships would benefit that area of trouble due to three+ way communication. An argument has sides and a middle when someone else is there and cares about both others. In the case of misunderstandings, the other person will have to consider two perspectives.

Really, it's like Star Trek. "You can't judge aliens by a human standard." In the same sense, you can't judge a relationship with a more circular dynamic by the logic of a very linear and stereotyped one.

Don't envy us... and frankly... it is never easy... well, that's not right... it's easy 1 in 1000 times. But relationships aren't easy... for any Aspie... or NTs for that matter...

but it couldn't be too hard for you by dint of your success.

Incorrect... It is not easy... it was perseverance... Learning what personality traits in others were not a match for my own... and not giving up...

In my experience (and I have interviewed a great many autistic spectrum individuals on this), most of us give up after relatively few encounters... I just never gave up... and refuse to... I know that I am lovable and capable... as we all are... I just keep putting myself out there...

I have 6 real friends in my life...

*The bean... my mate... she got me from day one... met her 16 years ago...
*Suavo... Friends for 19 years... He is weird, and loves my brutal honesty and intellect.
*Gene... only known gene for a year... but ... it sounds grandiose, but I saved his life by including him on my film team.
*Jearl... my business partner and co-director... met 5 years ago... He latched on to my skill with the camera and we developed an actual friendship...
*Plyn... my half sister... aspie as well... we share many of the same special interests... she is more into macro-physics/cosmology than I, and I go micro and quantum...
*Shade... Plyn's husband... my best friend... met 20 years ago... he had a rough time with plyn, but he is proof that NTs can learn to integrate happily into aspie society...

Please note, currently there is no second in my poly circle... Goldilocks violated my trust and was shown the door.

My point is, however, that if I had not put myself out there... repeatedly... and (no exaggeration), been turned down and disliked by a thousand people for each of these people I cherish, I would not have found these other people...

For the longest time, I was afraid to even talk to people... (long story that features PTSD, a flawed fight or flight reflex loop and crippling social anxiety)... but then I watched a movie..(Steel Magnolias - of all the treacly things to take a lesson from)... and Julia Robert's chracter, Shelby, said, "I'd rather have five minutes of wonderful than a whole lifetime of nothing special."

That statement resonated deeply with me... I think, in my case at least, that we dwell too much in the past and how our failures made us feel, and don't dare enough.

It all boils down to the dollars to BullS*&T ratio... you have a goal (referred to as dollars, but this is an allegorical term)... how much BullS(*T are you willing to take to get to it? If the pain is too much, then one must accept a lonely life...

But we almost always have a choice...

I've seen it work. My friend recently did a workshop in Portland about poly relationships, just informing people and talking about it. If he is still doing them when I move there I think I might attend. I'm curious, but I don't know if I could be a part of it. I mean I don't feel like I could commit to one person, or ten people, but at the same time I sleep with some of my friends, and my friendships are similar enough to my relationships I've had, just no commitment to spending x-amount of time together.

I don't know. When I've been in a relationship, I've been pretty clear that I don't expect monogamy. I don't know. I find it all very confusing.

I doff my hat to you, sir- you are a much better man than me.


I simply cannot accept free will. that is way beyond my pay grade.

It's not for me,then you would have two(or more)families to deal with,and the holiday drama would be twice as bad.But I don't care what other people do,it's their business,not mine.

My husband and I had a girlfriend once and I had several of my own girlfriends. It was actually lots of fun.

Not for me , but I have no problem with those who pratcice it. Same for homosexuality, not for me, but I'm also fine with people who make that choice.

I know. Us low functioning aspie ( or mid function aspies) eat alone. Oh well. could be worst.

You just gotta put yourself out there.