Why NT`s are not atracted to aspies?

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Which is why I am a radical feminist. Traditional gender roles suck for men as much as for women.

Getting a woman's phone number is something I've practiced often enough for it not to be a big deal. It's planning and conducting the date and expecting to be in charge there and everywhere else that cause a lot of debilitating anxiety -- which is why I declared a moratorium on dating earlier this year. Experience made it worse, not better. Gender roles really do suck. A woman with my issues could probably just explain her anxiety/agoraphobia and do pretty well. Some guys might even think it's adorable -- because then they can take on their sexist roles as "protector." I'm constantly afraid of being exposed as ditzy or incompetent or afraid of doing something that looks dumb, which is why dating is miserable for me -- from the beginning.

So to the extent my experience is shared by others, I think aspie men are less attractive because they are less confident, competent, and less able to take charge and make a traditionally-minded woman feel safe and cared for. From an ape perspective, she sees him as a less suitable caretaker for her children -- something some women have hinted to me on how to "improve" -- the surest way to draw my hate.

I never seen any women, feminist or not, that want to change or complain about gender role in dating.
the only people I've seen complaining about dating gender role are men.

Tyrion, I don't know what kind of feminist you are hanging around with, but I have never met or heard of the one's
you talk about.

Some things I've noticed

1.) You can't really talk about love as a right because it's a very emotional subject.

2.) NT's form opinions quickly. While an Aspie may have a good heart, their awkward behavior may get them disqualified before that heart can shine through.

3.) NT's communicate non-verbally, Aspies communicate verbally and literally.

4.) Aspies may have limited interests in comon with NTs, or be perceived as boring.

5.) Some aspies can be very inappropriate, borderline offensive when it comes to interacting with women.

You misunderstand. I agree with you. I'm a man who complains about gender roles in dating. Few women do this. The majority who agree with me are lesbian women and aspie guys.

The saying is that women decide if they'll have sex with someone in the 1st 20 seconds. If that's true sense sex is bassed on attraction if the Aspie guy doesn't make a great 1st impression the most he can likely get is the jut friends category.

*raises hand*
Bill, I talk about this on here all the time, I'm a feminist, like all the feminists I know, who wants to change outdated gender roles in dating, as well as in general.

It makes no sense for an entire gender to have the burden of "taking the lead" or whatever.

Feminism is all about changing gender roles and challenging the gender binary.

but you like women, like tyroin said only lesbian and bisexual women usuall agree with him on gender role in dating.
but any ways kudos for being against the stupid lead role that men have to take part of.

but I think it's alot more than just that. I think our society needs to stop this bias against shy guys
and social awkward men. I just don't like this dating society where if is man is shy and unpopular, no
woman would ever date him, but yet if a woman is shy and unpopular, she can still find guys to date her.
What is difference between a shy aspie man and shy aspie woman, really what's the difference
if a woman has bad social skills there always some guy that will like her and date her, but if a man has bad social skills,
chances are he will be single. what the difference between the two. How are men never bothered or effect by women with
bad social skills, but yet women are ( on higher average) bothered or effect by men with bad social skills.

like being at job, and you have a co-worker, and the co-worker does the same amount of work, same quality of work.
but the co-workers, always get raises, always get a promotion. the boss has no problem with the co-worker.
but you, the boss never gives a raise, or promotion, but you are equal to your co-worker.

Why do you suppose it is an impressive feat for a socially awkward man or woman to get a boyfriend/girlfriend then? I know I can do it if I try hard enough, but just about any one of my friends from college, perhaps even highschool, would be completely shocked if I ever got married, or even have a gf, let alone have sex. If a girlfriend is really what you want, make that special girl feel wanted by you more than the rest of them, and make sure she knows it, but in a slow subtle, and polite way.

I think terms like "shy" and "socially awkward" often carry inherent cultural and gender bias. They are applied far too broadly, especially to men. In addition, U.S. culture takes this tendency to an extreme. The PUA movement is a reaction to unfair gender expectations imposed on men. Because of the way that society stigmatizes a large % of the male population, an entire industry has grown up around teaching these men how to game the system. The fact that there's such a huge demand for this sort of thing indicates the magnitude of the problem.

I'm starting to realize something. Why do I have a problem being able to get a girlfriend, then being forced to dump her by my parents, when everyone else can't get a girlfriend at all, but is otherwise realitvly independant already, and usually is a lot older? I feel my skills with the ladies I do get to see are being choked to death by not having a freaking job. I mean seriously, my problem is comepletely different than everyone else's, and seems like no one else has it. I mean, ladies don't even find me repulsive in person, they find me quite polite and sometimes the female hairdressers get distracted and play with my hair. It is like I am destined to marry a christian tattoo artist or even a lady who works at walmart. But honestly, it is me, I know that, it is just the stupidest way possible. I am socially awkward, but that isn't the reason why I have a problem getting gf, isn't that kind of pathetic?

If your coworker is a woman & your boss is a man, it's because of sexual attraction which is also why it's easier for shy women to get dates than shy guys. It's related to how guys generally want sex more than women.

To the OP, I want you to read your original post, and I want you to read it again and again and again and again and again, out loud, as many times as possible.

You will then realize this is nothing more than a story that you're the author of.

I think it would be much easier if you were to create a completely new identity for yourself. You see yourself as the shy and socially awkward person; that is your identity that you have created for yourself based on past events, and it's obvious that you are not happy with that identity because you feel that something is wrong when really this is just the world of the shy and socially awkward person.

For me, shy and socially awkward is related to my sensory processing and mood issues. When I have those under control, I'm nearly a smart funny nt. when they slip, the other stuff goes too. Goes to show it's not always a simple choice. Best thing I can do is eat well, exercise, sleep 10 hours a day, and avoid normal responsibilities as much as possible (stress!).

Last edited by Tyri0n on 12 Jun 2013, 10:52 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I have done this. The identity has to be a completely honest one with yourself, you can't just simply say "I want to be this." When I decided to start over myself, I found that it was probably best to throw away everything I learned in the past and start over new. I had to hurt people along the way, re-establish boundaries, get hurt, find a responsible and honest way to live with myself and find out what I really want to do. I figured out that I would much rather offer spiritual guidance for people, not make decisions for others.

In other words, I had to break a bunch of old agreements I had with myself and establish new ones.

That's exactly what it's all about.