How does a man attract a woman

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Okay I tried the equal thing and then I am just a friend to her. I treat women exactly the same as everyone else. But I do show them respect and I tell them nice things because it is the right thing to do. Unfortunately some women wants you to be mean to oher people for teir sake. And sorry I do not do that kind of thing. I am going to be nice from the beginning because it feels good and it is the truth.

Basically this last girl I was very agreeable with most of what she said because we were almost the same. I mean I disagreed on a few things but I honestly was aggreeing with most of what she said.

Why do I need to pretend I do not agree because that is more attractive. So I guess being false is more attractive?
I mean the whole dating does not make sense. I mean why is being nice in the beginning a sign of being false if you actually are a nice person and agree with someone because it is the truth. Not sure why someone would think I am lying when I am actually being genuine. Sorry that is their problem if they have trust issues.

Your missing something man, smile and make eye contact.. You have to let her know your intentions, shes just as confused as you lol..
Girls don't want mean, maybe a little joke flirt or something

I mean I can come across as a jerk I was wrong I am sorry. I am just not in a really good mood today. It happens.

I agree with what you are saying but I am not sure how to apply all of it. I mean I guess made the wrong statements. I know exactly what I need to do it is just that I am having time understanding how to do it. I have to figure it out but I am having a hard time. I am sure you have been there before so a little understanding would go a long way. It seems no one wants to try to relate with what I am saying even if they have been there before.

Are you an expert on how fix problems? Are you a professional at it? I know I am not in the least. And some of what I say is probably wrong. See I just admitted it. I had to calm down and remove myself from this discussion to get clarity. I totally see what you are saying.

I am a very serious person. I find it hard especially when meeting someone new to flirt and be interesting because I get so stressed out it is hard to even be myself.

Any suggestions?

I do make my intentions known but it seems like they end up getting creeped out and run. I mean I am somewhat forward and I said to one that I wanted to know if she wanted more than friendship. Is that causing confusion. I couldn;t be any more clear and I expect people to be clear with me. Unfortuantely with NTs they are never completely crystal clear.

I mean she ended up lying to me just because she did not want to hurt my feelings. I am not some delicate flower. I will not wilt away if you have the decency to tell me the truth instead of hiding behind lying as a way to not be mean. There is no excuse for lying when I expect someone to be up front with me. I am not the one playing games in the situation.

I mean I am on an online dating site the point is to be more than friends. it seems once I raise the question it is like I am being too pushy even though I only asked a few times throughout two weeks. She originally told me she wanted to pursue a romantic relationship with me. We were flirting she thought I was attrative. Not sure what happened the only thing I can figure is she was lying to me form the beginning. I think she used me because I said nice things to her and gave her feedback about her problems. I feel like I was used as a doormat.

Last edited by punkguy378 on 04 Jul 2013, 9:39 pm, edited 1 time in total.

i convince myself it doesnt matter.. i walk upto it as if it has no bearing on myself or my life

The French call it "Je ne sais quoi" ("I do not care"). It is the flip side of the American dating maxim "Never seem desperate".

But its hypocrisy.

Sorry I want a relationship and I do not know why I have to hide that fact. I mean what is going on. I just want to cry. I mean seriously I do not want to live anymore in a world that doesn't make sense. I mean I feel this way. I cannot actually do anything about this feeling though except try to pu it away.

The last woman I did not come across as desperate I played it cool and just talked to her as a person. It seems like this didn't work though. Well it worked until she changed her mind about me. I mean I asked what she wanted to do as far as us. She told me she likes me wants to pursue a relationship. The thing what do I do do I make a move. What?I am lost and confused.

I meanshe said we were making a connection is that not good enough reason to try to push it further. I was in the realm of doing what I was supposed to do to not come across desperate. Maybe she just did not want after awhile and had nothing to do with being too pushy. becauses I was not being pushy or desperate. I was going at the same speed she was going.

The problem was she hated herself and she made this clear. She was full of all kinds of doubt like that I would not like her. It sounds like it was more about her than what I was doing. I mean I did come across a little disinterested maybe that was the problem. I can seem somewhat aloof at times and maybe she had the feeling I was not really interested when I actyually was,.

Last edited by punkguy378 on 04 Jul 2013, 9:44 pm, edited 1 time in total.

It isn't Cmon lets do an exercise... Why does it matter if you get shot down, or why should you care?

I think it is because then I think it is because it is a personal attack on my character. I mean obviously I have become twisted.

How do you not think it is about you when you are rejeceted. I mean what is the secret. I do not understand how to not feel like it is about me. Am I just selfish and self-centered.

I do not know what to do. I am so confused. I feel like I am a child or twelve years old. I mean we all "aspies" have a developmental problem which means I probably the emotional person of a twelve year old. Could that be true? Some people may be further along developmenatally then me. I am developmentally challenged as I think all "aspies" are. My IQ is about 110 so I am almost just average in intelligence but my emotional aspect must be really low or not where it should be.

And dating for aspies is hard because we have a hard time connecting on an emotional level with others. I mean I show that I may lack empathy when I just do not know how to show it or something. I mean caring about others seems so wooden like to me.

ok but what is your train of thought. Do you just tell yurself happy thoughts. I always try it but it never works for me. I do not know what to do. I think I lack empathy and only feel for myself. It is hard for me to understand other people's emotions.

I mean if you are aspie then you must have this problme because it is common with AS. I mean theory of mind is a problem as well executive function, understanding your own feelings and behaviors is hard. These are alll true for me. I mean not all aspies have the same traits.

Honestly I feel like I am just going in circles talking to everyone on here. It is very difficult for me to understand you and it is hard for you to understand me. Are you all NTs? I am lost. You seem to be acting like normal NTs to me.

Yeah what I understand about punk is not conforming to the world etc. Being individual etc. But you see punk seems to have it's own fashion and culture like anything else. Like you having a mohawk is punk fashion and you are actually conforming to it.

Like say the sex pistols that kind of started it off. They were making a point about being individual etc. But you see everyone just copied how they dressed and followed them. Thus conformity.

Oh I'm not telling you to stop doing what you like. I think you are really interesting being a punk. I like that.

Hey sorry, I can understand how you will be a bit offended calling you a conformist, because that is the last thing that punk is about. But can you see my point though?

I am not a very funny person only at random times. I have a tendency to be somewhat dry and serious.

Is there a woman who is attracted to smart, serious, dry people. I mean I cannot be the all happy and exciting person that NTs can be. It is impossible for me to do that. And it would come across as wooden and fake. I mean I have tried to be funny and they do not usually laugh.

I mean most women are very intrigued by me. They think I am physically attractive even hot because they said so. They seem to really think I look good. So I know I can attract women. But once I get there I freeze up or something. I end up being uptight or something and I am very high strung at times. Nervous. It is actually my natural demeanor many times when meeting people I do not know.

I need a woman who is attracted to my uniqueness since that is not going to change. I am kind of an oddball and when I was younger every body made fun of me. Girls laughed at me and said I was a joke or they just ignored me or they tried to be nice but secretly despised me.

Before i roll up, i visualize myself through a sort of third person, as if its a video game character not my "being"
You know like on a shootem up, you arent scared of dying, because its not you? sorta of similar

I then realize in the grand scheme of existence what on earth is an event so tiny as a shootdown, will she remember it ? maybe.. will she hold it against me, no! Am i unique in being the first person to ever be shot down by anyone in the history of the universe? unlikely..

Look i used to hate the way people would say "cutesy things" "like wow thats wonderfull" when you know they are lying...
but thats what level you gotta communicate on, its like you wouldnt speak french to a portugeese speaker right?

Ummm no. You are missing the point. SO you are saying that if you have a mohawk you are not punk or cannot be. I guess I am confused on your point no offense or anything. I mean I have been into this for 18 years or so. I went through a period where I just shaved my head had a mohawk at one point because I wanted one. Now I have a new one.

I am missing your point I am not conforming to anything that is normal in society. Conformity has to do with conforming to societies rules. Mohawks and odd clothing style is representative of my personality.

Honestly there is a school of thought that says punks can look any way they want. I choose to have a mohawk, I am copying someone else. I understand what you are trying to say but it has little to do with conforming to societies standards.

Punk fashion is only something I like I would be punk even I did not have the clothing as I sometimes choose to just look more standard. Punk is only a state of mind. The clothing is actually meaningless but that does not you cannot wear if you want to.

I thik you may be interpreting it a little too literally. There are a lot of other bands that were doing something totally different than the Sex Pistols. No one seems to mention Crass at all and how they went against the Sex Pistols and they were more punk than the Sex Pistols. I honestly hate the sex pistols. They are plastic. Honestlyn England had bands like Cock Sparrer and Sham 69 around the time of the Sex Pistols and they were not doing what the Pistols were doing at all. Then in the eighties you had all the second wave stuff Discharge, Varukers, Special Duties, Blitz, One Way System, GBH and a whole bunch of others. I mean then you had the whole Oi! movement in England. I mean most people have no idea about Skinhead culture which has always been tainted by lies. Racisr Skinheads are an abomoniation and an affront to all what the true skinhead stands for. It was started in the late sixties out of the mod subculture. They were listening to all the Jamaican music like Ska and Reggae. Then came the punk movement and all of a sudden skins started adopting the whole punk thing and came out with the answer to punk called Oi!, At the same time you had a NS group called the National Front who started recruiting skins and converting them to the Neo Nazi ways. Thus the bonehead was born. Racist skins are fondly referred to as boneheads because they are ridiculous and stupid misguided souls and I feel sorry for them. Not true skin. A so-called joke.
Anyways I used to be in that subculture but I just got sick of the misguided people and plus I just am not working class enough to claim skin. Just a little lesson and something I tend to avoid telling poeple because they are ignorant of the truth.