Advice for Aspie girls

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Smack talk is a great place to start... only thing is it needs to be less "buddy-buddy, I'm going to beat your *ss" and more "I dare you to come and get me" kind of thing. (very very subtly! since us aspies overdo the directness)

Also, since you are a girl - if I were you I would not just tell a guy you like him straight up or pursue a guy. Mostly they will just run away from you if you do that.
Although it is logical to pursue someone if you like them, most guys will run the other way. It's not the best strategy in terms of results.
Most guys if they like you will approach and pursue you if you give them the right signals. If you don't know what those signals are or how to do it, then you are better of learning what they are and how to use them than you are trying to approach them.

You're absolutely right - the life expectancy in Germany is much higher than here, largely because of our plethora of infectious diseases! Not only that - the older people in Germany are even more tech savvy than people I have encountered here! That was a complete surprise. I do wonder if I would want to stay there, but that is a decision that can only be made after living there for a number of years.

I've been fortunate enough to spend some time in the Netherlands and my word, people there are tall... it is actually great for me, because I am considered unusually tall here, particularly for a girl, but when I was there, I was average (and often below average in various group) height. I was really surprised at how multicultural the Netherlands was - so many people from countries that I had really only ever seen on a map in Geography at school... like Java or Suriname!

Having said that, I did feel that I was much fatter than most of the people I saw while I was there - and I got hit on by some complete weirdos who said things like "Oh, I like having sex with African girls, would you like to come with me to a hotel and we can rent a room for the night?" WTF?! Might be better to try and stand out a little bit less in that case....

I was actually thinking about that this morning - starting a new thread about just that - although I'm sure the question has been asked before so I want to take a bit of time to look through the forum and see what I can dig up Let's see how it goes! This is turning out to be more fun than I anticipated...

About the smack talk thing - I know exactly what you mean - it's just easier to do when there is some context - I don't think I could playfully tease someone I'd just met - it would feel completely inappropriate. Still, it would definitely be along the lines of "show me what you've got" kind of thing - not the typical "guy" smack talk.

Regarding what kjas said that "guys run away if they are asked out by girls" is false, I know that most such cases worked, guys would often take the chance.

Ask hyperlexian for instance, she claims she always made the advances and a most of them were successful, in fact she got her former husband like this.

The only possible reason I can think of why a guy would run away is either:
- The guy is too messed up or gay or asexual (but all those are rare cases)
-The guy is way above your league

The reason why this happen often tho (guy running away) is because you girls, like guys, are apes,hooo hoooo hooo .... you tend to desire the best possible, the alphaest ape. So yea, when you girls do the initiative you often tend to do it with guys who are way above your league.
It wouldn't be surprising if the overweight or below average-looking girl asks out ask the hottest guy in college would be turned down and the guy would run away too, this guy has so many other 'better' options.

But does that apply on regular or plain looking chubby guys? Pleeeaaaaase.

I think saraip that there's no surest way to get a boyfriend than asking guys out, but try to control your female instinct for a bit, be more logical and aim lower, know in which league you stand and pick guys on this basis (hint: in your case a chubby intellectual guy plus other traits only you know).

^^^
Although I am sure "leagues" or compatibility, or whatever you measure by plays into it quite a bit, I wasn't solely referring to that. I do think it a good idea to consider what you are aiming for though. I have seen many girls aim too high and get rejected on those grounds.

Most guys have been so conditioned to approach that having someone approaching them can spook them a bit. It can make them feel not in control of the situation, and many are unused to and surprised by that feeling and react unthinkingly, and many others dislike it or at least feel uncomfortable with it. Even if they do accept, a lot of them are more likely to assume that you approach often, or that you are only approaching because men are not approaching you, and sometimes this will lead them to devalue you unnecessarily. At the very least, while they may be open to a one night stand or short term arrangement, most guys won't taken women as seriously as long term potential. Most of this happens subconsciously and is not at all logical - but I have watched it enough times to know it is definitely a pattern.

I am sure much of this probably doesn't apply for men with AS, but for NT's who are at least semi successful in their dating lives, this is often the reaction.

LOL - here we go again with the "I'm trying to find a boyfriend" misconception.

I've already posted a thread on girls asking guys out, you check it out here.

Secondly, the guys I never asked out were not hot BUT were never the same race as me. Yes, we are back to race. Because like it or not, this is South Africa and that's the way the cookie crumbles. If you recall from earlier in the thread, I know that it works to ask guys out because the only person I ever had a relationship was asked out by me.

Thirdly, I haven't always been overweight my whole life - only since I stopped practicing medicine. No, I lie - after my dad died and I got my inheritance money, I pretty much ate it all at expensive restaurants Then I went to Japan and was a comparative behemoth, and came back and lost weight again and was of normal size.

But most importantly of all, and to state this for the umpteenth time - I'm not looking for a boyfriend! I'm about to emigrate and I am more concerned with my career than starting a relationship. If what other honest people here have said is true, I'll be better served spending my time losing weight (which is for one of my later career goals, but that's another story).

Lastly, even guys who are not good looking want to date pretty, feminine girls who wear makeup and are skinny. It's just one of those things - guys tend to see women as achievements in a sense, and the better the one that they get is, the better they look. So being unattractive won't put you in any "league", it generally puts you out of the game. So I think your theory has some gaping flaws.

Last edited by saraip on 12 Jul 2013, 1:38 am, edited 1 time in total.

^ it depends how you approach him, if you go ask him normally for a coffee there's no reason why he would think you're just wanting sex, unless he's some f****d up too traditional macho guy then yeah (but do you like such guys?) but if you go to him and grab his dick telling him "I want you baby" then yeah, he's most likely, macho or not, would think you're slut and wouldn't take you seriously.

Agreed - most guys seem to assume that you are desperate and want sex, not that you want a relationship. That's a much bigger problem than the difference in appearance, but then again I wouldn't know because I tend to think stereotypically good looking guys are stupid (more stereotyping and prejudices) and pick people based on intellectual characteristics.

Ha ha ha - hilarious. Who touches other people's private parts without an explicit invitation to do so?! Kind of gross, but I totally get your point. Coffee is very ambiguous - you can go out for coffee with friends, so that's a bit too innocuous for comparison in my opinion, but "would you be interested in dating me?" and "I want to sleep with you" should sound different - do they?

I am Freudian, I believe you're posting this thread, asking questions, and wanting to lose weight, all in order to increase your mating chances, maybe not now but for later.




If ugly looking guys aren't rich or highly successful and yet still wanting hot skinny feminine girls (yes, there are a lot of those) then they are being as unreasonable as the plain girls who ask out only hot guys, usually they end up scoring zero or lower their aim.

I am just going to say one thing: most guys I know are not overtly competent at distinguishing female energy especially concerning level of interest. Most guys eventually get to the level that they can tell the difference between "civil" and "friendly". Most do *not* get to the point of being able to tell the difference between "friendly" and "flirty".

This can get much more complicated depending on what you want: ficar (a hook up), paquera (an ongoing hook up with potential for something more), a boyfriend, or something else, etc. Depending on what you want - as a woman, you must be much more careful about how you approach it, lest you give the wrong impression and make him think you only want sex, in which case his mind usually automatically deletes you from the "serious" category.

I come from two places were ridiculously overtly macho men are the norm, so I have to deal with them much more than I would like (and no, I do not like macho men). And yes, by asking one out to coffee to him, would be tantamount to jumping on him and telling him to take me home now. Thankfully Saraip won't have to deal with crap like that (Aren't you a lucky woman?).

Umm...sluts?

In fact, girls are more likely to touch because society doesn't take harassment by females seriously, if a guy goes to a police station to report his dick got grabbed by some girl in the bar, the policemen would laugh at him, call him p**** and kick him out. At least this how it would happen in my country.

The reason I want to lose weight has to do with my next career move - I want to become an Astronaut, or at least try to, and to do that, you have to be super-fit. That's also the reason I want to study Maths and Physics. Guys don't factor into that at all.

On the other hand, I have noticed that, although many people say that people like diversity in physical appearance, the reality that I have experienced in the past seems incredibly different - so I think it is a lie that you can "just be yourself" and get into a relationship, and I wanted to know how other people felt about this. I think appearance is more important than most people will admit.



Possibly - but girls who are rich and highly successful should theoretically be able to pick up hot/skinny/masculine guys and that isn't the case, it it?

LOL

I agree that guys struggle to determine interest, but it doesn't help that I don't know how to flirt, don't speak the same language as most people in the same country as me and don't spend a lot of time around people - in other words, the message that I send out is probably incredibly confusing for most people and is usually misinterpreted.

Can't speak for other women, but I don't tend to touch people much at all. Physical contact is really not my thing unless it can be discussed in advance and parameters can be laid out regarding frequency, duration and objective. Same goes for people touching me - I don't even like hugging members of my own family.

LOLOL As if you girls are much better on *getting* things, why else you see hundred of guys complaining about being friendzoned yet trying to be flirty nice.

This issue would always be there for the one who's doing the asking out.