wilburforce wrote:
Outrider wrote:
JBO wrote:
SectorStar wrote:
The things is I've done it both ways. Waited till later to tell or right off the bat. I could meet someone on a dating site, have a perfectly normal clean convo for an hour, bring up that I'm autistic and the messages stop. If there someone thats not gonna bother with me because I'm different then I'd rather weed them out in the beginning then waste my time and get attached to someone and have it end that way.
Why do you even have to say you're autistic? Why not just say like, "I'm weird, I get really interested in random topics sometimes" or "sometimes I just need some time alone" or "I know it's stupid, but for some reason I get irrationally upset when I can't have my evening bowl of cereal" or whatever.
I understand you want to just come out and tell people everything... But I'm pretty sure that's not the best way to go about it. Like I said before, there's a good chance you're scaring away people who would have been able to deal with your quirks, but they just hear you say, "I have some weird disease that you read about on the internet once," and run.
I just can't imagine any good coming from telling somebody before you've been dating them for a good while (like 6 months and you're starting to think more seriously about the relationship).
I'd say, "well, different strokes for different folks" or "whatever works for you." But clearly what you're doing isn't working for you...
But I dunno, whatever. Your life. Just don't say "woe is me, girls are judgmental, life is unfair," because I think it's not unlikely that a big part of the problem is your mindset and also the way you are going about things.
I completely agree. I want to choose to NEVER reveal my asperger's to someone I'm in a relationship with, unless they are Nuerodiverse as well and have shared that with me - it's fair that I share my aspergers back. Or if they have friends/family with it and would dated
I'll just say I'm 'weird' or 'eccentric' and all that; to justify my behavior.
If she realizes I have it, or finds the diagnosis papers in my medical papers if she were to ever come across it, I will confirm that yes, I 'use' to but have overcome it. Simple as that. If they become angry or upset that you didn't tell them, tell them you felt no need to since you 'aren't' aspergers or autistic 'anymore'.
ADD, ADHD, Social Anxiety and Depression can all be overcome. So why should we have to reveal our diagnosis so early if we have decent learned social skills while someone with one of these other mental disorders can keep it to themselves?
I wouldn't tell a girl on the third date I use to have depression but overcame it, aspergers is no different.
Hopefully something like this coudl work.
While withholding sensitive information until you have formed a bond with someone and trust them is one thing, I wouldn't advocate being actively dishonest in a relationship. Truth has a way of making itself known no matter how one tries to hide it, and hiding it from someone indicates you feel it is something worthy of hiding because it is shameful. There is nothing shameful about being on the autistic spectrum--it's not like choosing to be a bad person by treating people poorly or something like that, because it's nothing you chose; you were just born with a different neurotype that effects the way you perceive and react to things. It doesn't make you a bad person or unworthy of dating. If it makes you feel inferior or ashamed, I suggest talking to a trusted friend or relative, or a professional psychologist/therapist, because having that kind of negative perception of your condition can cause low self-esteem and self-worth, and you don't deserve to feel that way and can change it for a healthier perspective with the right help.
Well, I was speaking a bit more generally.
For me, personally, my social skills have increased significantly over the years, to the point that I feel I have overcome my aspergers. I will still admit to friends or potential relationship partners of my anxiety issues, but overall I'd very much prefer to attribute my strange or eccentric behavior and quirks to my 'unique personality'.
Like I said in my comparison, those who have another mental disorder such as OCD, ADHD, Social Anxiety, etc. usually do not reveal these things on a third date with someone, and I see no reason to reveal my asperger's diagnosis - especially since in recent years I feel I barely, if at all even have it anymore. I just lack the social difficulties i used to, it's more about anxiety than anything else these days.
And, toa nswer the question of 'Have I given up on dating?' well in recent times it seems I've stopped looking for a relationship, but ironically life keeps constantly throwing me opportunity.
At the start of the year i went on 3 dates with this one girl but she only wanted to be friends and we are still today. After that i had two more crushes but failed with both - the first just didn't feel the same, the second LEFT my school out of nowhere.
After the frustration I decided to take the advice 'you find love when you stop looking' and give it a try. I did just that and ended up in a relationship. She broke up with me after just 12 days however, and I decided again I will take a break. After a month she wanted to get back together, we did, and then 5 days later she broke up with me again. Yes, we are no longer not even friends anymore and I can't forgive her for constantly hurting me and won't make that mistake again. Anyway, so I decide to take yet another break, but I also confess to the girl who use to go to my school that I use to have a crush on her online. It turns out she LIKED ME BACK, and she's visiting soon and wants to hangout. Again,yet another opportunity. However, we've been chatting on line and both decided we would like each other better as friends. But...still..
And finally, after deciding to take a break yet again, I hear from a friend that she has a single friend who is looking for a new relationship. However, she broke up with her ex not too long ago, and I don't want to be a rebound guy, so I basically said 'Tell her to take a break, take some time to relax and recover, and maybe in a week's time, or a few weeks or a month or whatever, I just might give her a shot'.
Time to see just how things go...
This is just annoying me at this point, however. My whole high school years i've wanted a relationship, but the one time I finally want to take a break and just graduate, this keeps happening. I've been trying to avoid relationships, not attract the opportunities for relationships to develop. Yeah, I am choosing to give this new girl a chance, but I feel like even if I didn't I'd end up close to another relationship anyway.
29 Oct 2015, 11:44 pm
