Quick question about first date

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So if I understood correctly, you're saying that what's important is physical elements>behavior>intellectual level, in that order?
To me maybe it's their behavior is the most important. How they treat others, their values and morale standards.
But of course it's hard to know that from an online profile.
So first, I check if they clear my basic criteria (politics, religion, age, non-smoker, and how they answered some of the questions) and then if their profile is well written (intelligence?) and if he is cute (looks), I go after them.



I think you're right. It is kind of expected that men always initiate everything. I'm afraid if I initiate everything I would be seen as pushy and controlling because I'm a woman.

And why you females never assume that males may not want to be seen as too pushy and controlling as well?

Ha, I am Darwinian again...you females! You males! :lol

No, women rarely think that. It's expected, don't you see? If men are not assertive women think they're not interested.
I remember from some thread you were saying this one girl was so into you too fast and you were a little overwhelmed?
Didn't you think she was a little too pushy?

No! I personally appreciate the effort and courage it takes. Certainly don't initiate everything, but don't be scared to initiate. That is, if you think a man is worth it - don't hesitate for a second. I used to love getting asked out - it meant she was keen on me, so I had no guessing games to play - and I could be myself. Everyone happy.

Anyways, are you going to text this guy again, or are you waiting on this other date?

Heh, true that but not the same girl.

It's either one extreme or the other.

Well, he said he'd text me if he could go, so if I text him and asked again, wouldn't I seem too eager and pushy?

I'm not sure about the other one. I'm debating if I should go or not.

Yeah, maybe you would. Or, maybe not. Who cares for now.

Nothing to lose. TEXT HIM!! ! Your furry tigermother says so.

If he doesn't reply, his loss, move on. If you like him (which you said you do), it's worth that one last shot.

Whatever he thinks is his business.

eg. Hi there, are you still coming to x? Look forward to seeing you if you are.

Just a crude example, that shows you are keen on seeing him without being overkeen. Don't think there's anything crawling about that - it's just good manners, and you never know, he might have thought you weren't that keen on him, and said what you said just because it was 'the done thing' (especially if he is NT)

Last edited by octobertiger on 06 Nov 2013, 4:27 pm, edited 1 time in total.

He's avoiding you, old trick.

If he really couldn't go but interested he would react differently, he would suggest a different date or he would try to compensate with some quickie outing but not as "If....one day...I might".

Not necessarily true. No.

Don't try and secondguess his thoughts. Just text him.

When did you suggest - before or during or after the date?

Yuzu, you said you were getting another date (with another guy right?) I say go for the new date and drop that one.

I'd say if OP knows what she wants, she should jolly well go for it!

I suggested during the date.

Boo is probably right. He wanted to have time to assess everything and now he has decided he does not want to see me again I bet

Yeah, I should just forget about him and go for another date with this new guy.

Well, she would do what she wants at the end, we are just suggesting and giving opinions :p.

My opinion that Yuzu has already tried all shots for a second date with that guy, how many "reminders" he needs?

Yes, but I meant in the initial stage, the meeting and getting to know one another. Not necessarily if it would work out long term. The long term prospect would probably have a different hierarchy of importance, like you have written.

I think upon meeting that the most basic instinctive selection criteria is dominant (ie. are they attractive to me, or am I getting a positive feeling their looks grow on me.) I suspect without that everything else is moot point. So I was suggesting that a date has better chance of going well if that question has already been resolved. Having that physical element an unknown on the first date must be very unsettling, like a blind date almost, though I know online usually includes exchanges of pictures.

I wonder too if online daters may just do it sometimes to do it and really not be actively interested. Like they just want a date for the weekend. That would be harder to hide from people in person to person exchanges.

Yeah, think about it for a second, if you were this guy and a girl suggest going on another date wouldn't you answer in a timely manner if you really liked her?