How to know when a girl is flirting with you?

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When she either tells me, or kicks me in the kneecap.

This is a very good sign indeed.. in fact I'd say you've got beyond the flirting stage.

What you need to do is keeping going on dates, and make a point of being a being a bit more expressive, tactile, an open about your feelings each time. Make them tiny steps, but obvious ones. If necessary, plan your dates to allow opportunities to make this easy.

e.g. first date... polite, friendly kiss on the cheek as you say goodbye.

second date. look into her eyes a little longer first... smile. then kiss her.

third date. same, but lightly hold her hands or shoulders as you do.

fourth.. a walk in the park.. after 1/2 hour or so, as your walking, gently take her hand. If this feels awkward.. ask her. "can I hold your hand?"

if she likes you.. she'll likely be spending a lot of the time in between dates, wondering what your next little move will be.. will he hug me? will he kiss me on the lips?

Of course, like all things, it depends on the individual - both you and her, but once you're at the point you're holding hands as you walk ( not for all the time.. just a few minutes at a time ), your feelings for her will be clear, and she'll find it much easier to start taking the lead and clearly express her feelings for you, both physically and verbally.

As long as you keep increasing your signs to her.. even if they're non-verbal ( or awkwardly verbal ), then as long as you're also compatible in terms of interests and outlook, there's a fair chance she'll be falling head-over-heels for you before you've even shared your first passionate kiss.

I must confess I do this (to men AND women) a lot. I think people see it as just being friendly although I think men will always say to themselves "She wants me" whether it's true or not.