Being Single Is 'Not a Crisis'

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Been completely single since 2009. Not even a fling. Living alone, with cats. Last October, relatives came to stay with me and I had a massive meltdown from which I still haven't recovered. I think that's pretty good indicator that I know what I am talking about with regards to myself. Of course, everyone is different. But I used to feel like I should be in a relationship or be surrounded by friends because society kept telling me that I was deluding myself to think otherwise. When I finally summoned up the courage to just live my life how I always wanted to, I realised I had been right about what I want/need all along.

Like hurtloam, I just want those people who are happy being alone not to have to feel pressured by the society to compromise their authentic self, that's all.



Anyway, a person has to go to great lengths not to interact with other people at all.

Absolutely! That's why you linger around the love and dating forum and regularly post here.

lol special interest, I'd much rather talk about it than live it

I am sorry, I didn't intend to come across as mocking you. And to be honest, my friends and I are exactly that sarcastic to each other all the time; it didn't occur to me that other people would take it differently.
I've always been bothered by the use of "need" as non-essential.

Oh, and I don't think my intellectual level is higher than the general level of this board; and if I think someone is stupid; I don't "mock" them: I just don't argue with them at all.

*edit no. 4, I think* And why not attack the person at the top of this page who keeps insinuating that I'm lying to myself about my own feelings and experiences? It's that type of crap that makes it hard to be civil in this forum; people do it constantly.
"Oh no, you don't like nice guys; women don't know their own minds."
"You want children really; it's only natural."
"You're lonely just like all of us; you're just in denial."
I can at least acknowledge that a relationship can be important to others despite not being high on my radar.

I am not your friend.
And there are only very few wp members I would tolerate from them such trolling or whatever belittling sarcasm (wp members who I have been chatting with for years on fb/skype - and they're less than 5).




That's your battle.

And I didn't attack you, I counterattacked.





http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Need

^^A bit strong there boo. She did say sorry, not sure if she anything wrong anyway.

You're lecturing me with dictionary definitions, and I'm supposedly talking down to people?

Yeah. So I'm going to keep arguing that getting laid is not a need, but rather a strong drive.



So it's ok to bring the way I talk to people who aren't you into it like you did earlier, but it's not ok to bring up how people talk to me?



Really. I asked a question that was phrased mildly sarcastically. It isn't my fault that you didn't have an answer.
You know where "sex is a need" can lead to? The type of person who thinks that women should be rationed out to men so that they don't have to go without this "need". I know you're not one of those people, though.

Let's see.

My first proper long-term relationship started when I was 18 and lasted until I was nearly 23, about 4 and a half years. Since I dumped my ex on June 22 2011 (is it bad I only remember that date because I remember what AFL round I dumped him? Mainly cos he had me crying at the game again) I've not had sex or been emotionally intimate with someone.

However, I have developed very, very strong feelings for my football player. Would I be thrilled if we spent the rest of our lives together with 5 kids, two dogs, three cats and a cockatoo? I'd be over the moon. But is it worth ruining my friendship with him if it's not what he wants? NO. He's someone you want in your life, even if it is just as a friend.

Sometimes I get sad and angry at night and cry because I know the chances of us being together are remote, even if we do talk at least once/twice a week at footy training etc, but that's not his problem. It's 100% mine, and to complain at all about him not reciprocating my feelings is the single most selfish thing in the world, and I hate myself for getting sad and angry about it on those times that I do. It won't kill me not to be with him, and what would be the point of hurting both of us by cutting my nose off despite my face?

For me, being single is not a crisis. I have a football club which I can pour my love and dedication into (via the cheersquad and player sponsorships), I have two cats who are like the children I so long for, I have several small groups of friends, and I have my parents and siblings. I fail to see how I am alone.

... (...Steps slowly away from...)

Tell that to the apes and cats , why do you think people castrate their pets? Humans have higher self-control, true, but that doesn't totally neglect their animal need for sex.

You are still unable to distinguish between "needs necessary for keeping one alive" and the other needs, in the scientific literature or even in any literature, needs aren't necessarily just food, water and oxygen, you are way limiting the word's meaning, shelter for example is considered a human need, but theoretically you don't need it to stay alive. Wants are created by marketing and consumerism and are never biological, like the wants for products and electronics, sex existed since....the sexually reproducing eukaryotic organisms.

Sex/intimacy is even more basic than the shelter and clothing needs because it is absolutely necessary for the species survival (continuity), it's integrated in our genome and evolved over zillion of years.





I don't get you here, I wasn't even following the quarrel between you and the Mutantt - I only bring up the way you talk to me is because this how you talked to be earlier, this was the trigger, If Mutantt ever talks to me like this I am gonna react the same.



It wasn't a serious question, it was mocking - but if you want me to answer: supplements, one can live on nutritional supplements without food but the body would always crave for solid food at times.



What's the....? Women need sex too, it goes both ways. People kill for fortunes and power, those aren't needs yet some people still kill for them, admitting sex/intimacy is a need wouldn't lead one to be a rapist or pro sex-slavery; nor denying it would prevent others of committing sexual crimes.

??? What quarrel? I am confused.

I think we're all confused....

Also, from an outside perspective, while I don't know your history outside this thread (and please, don't tell me), but inside this thread it sounds like Who_Am_I s not intending to be mean and we're adding unnecessary vitriol to what is actually quite an interesting topic.

On that particular topic, we're still referencing Maslow's hierarchy of needs as though it's infallible when in fact it's just a helpful construct. Sex and romance are obviously not needs or even desires for everyone, again, re: asexuals and aromantics.

Everyone is right, a little bit.

The majority of human population are not aromatic or asexuals.

Very true...which is why the construct generally works. However, their existence shows that it is, in fact, fallible and therefore while it can contribute to an argument that sex is a need, it is not nearly the proof it is being offered up as.

Also, not sure if there are any studies on this, but it seems to me that there are a disproportionate number of people on the spectrum in the asexual community than in the general population. Food for thought... (NOT saying spectrum = asexual, btw, before someone takes it that way, just that the proportions seem a bit off.)

aromatics lol it's true, some people lack sweat glands