my dating profile, toughts?(hopefully not mean)

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sly279
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20 Feb 2014, 1:22 am

MutantKitty wrote:
You seem really nice and I hope that you get some good replies.


thanks, do you mean here or on the site?

you really a mutant kitty? :P



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20 Feb 2014, 1:27 am

Ladywoofwoof wrote:
:-) I think your profile seems to have improved somewhat since making this topic, in response to the advice given already.
So, all I'd really say as a critique is that the photo looks a bit like a passport photo or something.... a little awkward, and maybe like you've been told not to smile.


i was being made to smile in that one unlike the others. It was purposely taken for the sites, hence the shirt. I don't have any activity photos and figured it was best to have a updated photo the last ones being from 2006. I'm not sure how i'd take a better piture alone being as the camera can only be a arm lengths away.

with the activities I do, we always forget to take pictures until we already in the car on the way home.



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20 Feb 2014, 1:29 am

Jono wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Not so convinced.


It sounds like the same reasoning for not mentioning that you've got Asperger's in your profile. If you don't put in your profile, you have a chance of them getting to know you before pre-judging you. The only difference is that it may take them longer to find out that you're an aspie, than finding out that you're jobless because unlike the latter, having Asperger's may not be immediately obvious even when you meet them but you'd have to tell them eventually.


true though some women don't even read the profile, so those ones really confuse me why they messaging me, so usually within the first messages is what do you o for work. I think its funny how one part of a persons life is the key definer, you meet a new person and first thing you ask is what they do. not who they are.

i felt and kinda still do that to not list i'm unemployed is a lie, might some women feel upset when they find out later?

though some women lie about stuff too, like if they don't want kids, they'll put prefer not to say.



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20 Feb 2014, 2:09 am

sly279 wrote:
Jono wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Not so convinced.


It sounds like the same reasoning for not mentioning that you've got Asperger's in your profile. If you don't put in your profile, you have a chance of them getting to know you before pre-judging you. The only difference is that it may take them longer to find out that you're an aspie, than finding out that you're jobless because unlike the latter, having Asperger's may not be immediately obvious even when you meet them but you'd have to tell them eventually.


true though some women don't even read the profile, so those ones really confuse me why they messaging me, so usually within the first messages is what do you o for work. I think its funny how one part of a persons life is the key definer, you meet a new person and first thing you ask is what they do. not who they are.

i felt and kinda still do that to not list i'm unemployed is a lie, might some women feel upset when they find out later?

though some women lie about stuff too, like if they don't want kids, they'll put prefer not to say.



IDK, I guess I can't speak for women who don't take the time to read your profile, but for what my sister said it makes sense to me, personally. The whole point of what my sister was trying to say is that if the job description is not placed in the profile, it gives women who think like her a chance to get to know WHO you are before they find out what you do. If you place your job description in the profile then you're doing exactly what you don't want - give a person a chance to reject you before getting to know who you are.

I think people tend to be more picky with who they date when they have either 1) dated a lot and know now that the thing they thought weren't a big deal to them before, it turned out to be a big deal, and/or 2) Lots of options.

Please explain to me how not listing that you're unemployed on your profile is a lie? I never put any information on my job on my profile when I had an OKCupid account. Mainly because I hardly ever used it, so when I first joined I was unemployed and then eventually I did get a job but I used the account so little I never updated it.
None of the girls I talked to even remotely asked me about a job. Not one.

I know it makes you upset but it's a fact of life that there are certain things that are a key definer for a lot of people. Some are common key definers and some are unique to that individual.
If in the future once I finish getting my degrees and I'm working a regular job, I'll tell you now I'd be very unlikely to date someone who was unemployed and not in school. She'd either have to have a job or be in school. However, there could be an exceptional woman out there that I like where I overlook those things, but I strongly, strongly prefer her to be doing something.

I don't want a stay at home wife/girlfriend. So she'd better be doing something that indicates to me she would not be that in the future.



sly279
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20 Feb 2014, 3:06 am

MadeUnderground wrote:
IDK, I guess I can't speak for women who don't take the time to read your profile, but for what my sister said it makes sense to me, personally. The whole point of what my sister was trying to say is that if the job description is not placed in the profile, it gives women who think like her a chance to get to know WHO you are before they find out what you do. If you place your job description in the profile then you're doing exactly what you don't want - give a person a chance to reject you before getting to know who you are.

I think people tend to be more picky with who they date when they have either 1) dated a lot and know now that the thing they thought weren't a big deal to them before, it turned out to be a big deal, and/or 2) Lots of options.

Please explain to me how not listing that you're unemployed on your profile is a lie? I never put any information on my job on my profile when I had an OKCupid account. Mainly because I hardly ever used it, so when I first joined I was unemployed and then eventually I did get a job but I used the account so little I never updated it.
None of the girls I talked to even remotely asked me about a job. Not one.

I know it makes you upset but it's a fact of life that there are certain things that are a key definer for a lot of people. Some are common key definers and some are unique to that individual.
If in the future once I finish getting my degrees and I'm working a regular job, I'll tell you now I'd be very unlikely to date someone who was unemployed and not in school. She'd either have to have a job or be in school. However, there could be an exceptional woman out there that I like where I overlook those things, but I strongly, strongly prefer her to be doing something.

I don't want a stay at home wife/girlfriend. So she'd better be doing something that indicates to me she would not be that in the future.


I get that and i did change it according to the advice.

idk i just wouldn't want them to feel i lied, its a non rational feeling I guess.

I went to school, got a degree, to which some were shocked by. I just didn't find work. I'm trying to get back into voc rehab cause after a year I haven't been able to find work by myself. But yeah all women say they want what you want. either in school or has a job. I may never find work, i may have to live my whole life on ssi, which depresses me. lots of people who get degrees aren't finding work(its simply not there) so you should be prepared for those women. I don't know what to do about it, did everything right went to school, worked hard, got great grades, even made the presidents list, got invited to the honor society. non of that means jack in the real world as I've found out.

so I don't bother messaging the women who demand those things, but its a great majority of the women in my area even the jobless, not in school ones. why can they demand something that they can't meet themselves? this is something I'll never understand. at least i don't demand stuff from women. even if i was rich i wouldn't, though if I ever win the lottery I won't date, i think i'll just go hide in the woods, maybe pay for company occasionally.

I can't go back to school to do something else, so my only option is seeking min wage jobs, which while a job isn't the type women want and won't lead to a job they like. however i can't go back in time and pick a different path, so my future both love and life seems quite bleak.

I hope your degrees lead you to jobs. I can tell you it sucks when it doesn't but at least I'm not a medical doctor working at McDonald



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20 Feb 2014, 3:44 am

sly279 wrote:
MadeUnderground wrote:
IDK, I guess I can't speak for women who don't take the time to read your profile, but for what my sister said it makes sense to me, personally. The whole point of what my sister was trying to say is that if the job description is not placed in the profile, it gives women who think like her a chance to get to know WHO you are before they find out what you do. If you place your job description in the profile then you're doing exactly what you don't want - give a person a chance to reject you before getting to know who you are.

I think people tend to be more picky with who they date when they have either 1) dated a lot and know now that the thing they thought weren't a big deal to them before, it turned out to be a big deal, and/or 2) Lots of options.

Please explain to me how not listing that you're unemployed on your profile is a lie? I never put any information on my job on my profile when I had an OKCupid account. Mainly because I hardly ever used it, so when I first joined I was unemployed and then eventually I did get a job but I used the account so little I never updated it.
None of the girls I talked to even remotely asked me about a job. Not one.

I know it makes you upset but it's a fact of life that there are certain things that are a key definer for a lot of people. Some are common key definers and some are unique to that individual.
If in the future once I finish getting my degrees and I'm working a regular job, I'll tell you now I'd be very unlikely to date someone who was unemployed and not in school. She'd either have to have a job or be in school. However, there could be an exceptional woman out there that I like where I overlook those things, but I strongly, strongly prefer her to be doing something.

I don't want a stay at home wife/girlfriend. So she'd better be doing something that indicates to me she would not be that in the future.


I get that and i did change it according to the advice.

idk i just wouldn't want them to feel i lied, its a non rational feeling I guess.

I went to school, got a degree, to which some were shocked by. I just didn't find work. I'm trying to get back into voc rehab cause after a year I haven't been able to find work by myself. But yeah all women say they want what you want. either in school or has a job. I may never find work, i may have to live my whole life on ssi, which depresses me. lots of people who get degrees aren't finding work(its simply not there) so you should be prepared for those women. I don't know what to do about it, did everything right went to school, worked hard, got great grades, even made the presidents list, got invited to the honor society. non of that means jack in the real world as I've found out.

so I don't bother messaging the women who demand those things, but its a great majority of the women in my area even the jobless, not in school ones. why can they demand something that they can't meet themselves? this is something I'll never understand. at least i don't demand stuff from women. even if i was rich i wouldn't, though if I ever win the lottery I won't date, i think i'll just go hide in the woods, maybe pay for company occasionally.

I can't go back to school to do something else, so my only option is seeking min wage jobs, which while a job isn't the type women want and won't lead to a job they like. however i can't go back in time and pick a different path, so my future both love and life seems quite bleak.

I hope your degrees lead you to jobs. I can tell you it sucks when it doesn't but at least I'm not a medical doctor working at McDonald


Well, that's a completely different situation. I know the job market is really crazy right now and I would be completely understanding of someone who is unemployed but has a degree and is looking. I will be one of those people myself.
The competition in the job market is the reason why I want to go to graduate school so at least I have a leg up against other people looking for work with just a bachelor's.
My issue is only with women who are unemployed, don't have a degree and don't want to get a degree or have a job beyond minimum wage jobs, unless there's a medical reason for it.
I just want someone who will be working like me because while having a stay at home wife/girlfriend may work for a lot of people, it wouldn't work for me. The only way that could work is if she had a job that she did while at home or something like that.

I think it's true though that having a degree, while helps significantly, won't guarantee success in the real world. It's because there's so many other factors involved besides just getting the education down. It helps to have good social skills so you network either while at school or wherever you go, social skills help with people really liking you, people that are in positions to help you in the future (offer you a job, write a good letter of recommendation, be able to find a job for you through their network, etc).
Being unique and making unique achievements also helps significantly. Like winning an award in a novel you wrote, or starting a blog that's gained a lot of success, or writing and recording your own album thats gotten popular, etc. That achievement would put you above the thousands of other applicants with grades just as good as yours. Lots of people can have impeccable grades, but only a handful will have unique achievements.
Even volunteering for a year in a program like Peace Corps or AmeriCorps can put you ahead of the game. While in the program you can meet other voluntees or heads of the program and network with them... Etc.

There's a lot of ways to get ahead but it is hard these days. People just have to be willing to get out there and try these things, sometimes they pay off, sometimes they don't.
I just know that as soon as I move and start my new school I'm going to be networking like a mofo as soon as I get there. Not for future jobs but because I'm looking for people that are interested in making independent video games and have the skills to help with my pursuit in that regard.



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20 Feb 2014, 3:49 am

sly279 wrote:
MadeUnderground wrote:
IDK, I guess I can't speak for women who don't take the time to read your profile, but for what my sister said it makes sense to me, personally. The whole point of what my sister was trying to say is that if the job description is not placed in the profile, it gives women who think like her a chance to get to know WHO you are before they find out what you do. If you place your job description in the profile then you're doing exactly what you don't want - give a person a chance to reject you before getting to know who you are.

I think people tend to be more picky with who they date when they have either 1) dated a lot and know now that the thing they thought weren't a big deal to them before, it turned out to be a big deal, and/or 2) Lots of options.

Please explain to me how not listing that you're unemployed on your profile is a lie? I never put any information on my job on my profile when I had an OKCupid account. Mainly because I hardly ever used it, so when I first joined I was unemployed and then eventually I did get a job but I used the account so little I never updated it.
None of the girls I talked to even remotely asked me about a job. Not one.

I know it makes you upset but it's a fact of life that there are certain things that are a key definer for a lot of people. Some are common key definers and some are unique to that individual.
If in the future once I finish getting my degrees and I'm working a regular job, I'll tell you now I'd be very unlikely to date someone who was unemployed and not in school. She'd either have to have a job or be in school. However, there could be an exceptional woman out there that I like where I overlook those things, but I strongly, strongly prefer her to be doing something.

I don't want a stay at home wife/girlfriend. So she'd better be doing something that indicates to me she would not be that in the future.


I get that and i did change it according to the advice.

idk i just wouldn't want them to feel i lied, its a non rational feeling I guess.

I went to school, got a degree, to which some were shocked by. I just didn't find work. I'm trying to get back into voc rehab cause after a year I haven't been able to find work by myself. But yeah all women say they want what you want. either in school or has a job. I may never find work, i may have to live my whole life on ssi, which depresses me. lots of people who get degrees aren't finding work(its simply not there) so you should be prepared for those women. I don't know what to do about it, did everything right went to school, worked hard, got great grades, even made the presidents list, got invited to the honor society. non of that means jack in the real world as I've found out.

so I don't bother messaging the women who demand those things, but its a great majority of the women in my area even the jobless, not in school ones. why can they demand something that they can't meet themselves? this is something I'll never understand. at least i don't demand stuff from women. even if i was rich i wouldn't, though if I ever win the lottery I won't date, i think i'll just go hide in the woods, maybe pay for company occasionally.

I can't go back to school to do something else, so my only option is seeking min wage jobs, which while a job isn't the type women want and won't lead to a job they like. however i can't go back in time and pick a different path, so my future both love and life seems quite bleak.

I hope your degrees lead you to jobs. I can tell you it sucks when it doesn't but at least I'm not a medical doctor working at McDonald


What kind of degree do you have? There are lot's of people with degrees who, for some reason or other, can't find work.



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20 Feb 2014, 7:00 pm

MadeUnderground wrote:
sly279 wrote:
MadeUnderground wrote:
IDK, I guess I can't speak for women who don't take the time to read your profile, but for what my sister said it makes sense to me, personally. The whole point of what my sister was trying to say is that if the job description is not placed in the profile, it gives women who think like her a chance to get to know WHO you are before they find out what you do. If you place your job description in the profile then you're doing exactly what you don't want - give a person a chance to reject you before getting to know who you are.

I think people tend to be more picky with who they date when they have either 1) dated a lot and know now that the thing they thought weren't a big deal to them before, it turned out to be a big deal, and/or 2) Lots of options.

Please explain to me how not listing that you're unemployed on your profile is a lie? I never put any information on my job on my profile when I had an OKCupid account. Mainly because I hardly ever used it, so when I first joined I was unemployed and then eventually I did get a job but I used the account so little I never updated it.
None of the girls I talked to even remotely asked me about a job. Not one.

I know it makes you upset but it's a fact of life that there are certain things that are a key definer for a lot of people. Some are common key definers and some are unique to that individual.
If in the future once I finish getting my degrees and I'm working a regular job, I'll tell you now I'd be very unlikely to date someone who was unemployed and not in school. She'd either have to have a job or be in school. However, there could be an exceptional woman out there that I like where I overlook those things, but I strongly, strongly prefer her to be doing something.

I don't want a stay at home wife/girlfriend. So she'd better be doing something that indicates to me she would not be that in the future.


I get that and i did change it according to the advice.

idk i just wouldn't want them to feel i lied, its a non rational feeling I guess.

I went to school, got a degree, to which some were shocked by. I just didn't find work. I'm trying to get back into voc rehab cause after a year I haven't been able to find work by myself. But yeah all women say they want what you want. either in school or has a job. I may never find work, i may have to live my whole life on ssi, which depresses me. lots of people who get degrees aren't finding work(its simply not there) so you should be prepared for those women. I don't know what to do about it, did everything right went to school, worked hard, got great grades, even made the presidents list, got invited to the honor society. non of that means jack in the real world as I've found out.

so I don't bother messaging the women who demand those things, but its a great majority of the women in my area even the jobless, not in school ones. why can they demand something that they can't meet themselves? this is something I'll never understand. at least i don't demand stuff from women. even if i was rich i wouldn't, though if I ever win the lottery I won't date, i think i'll just go hide in the woods, maybe pay for company occasionally.

I can't go back to school to do something else, so my only option is seeking min wage jobs, which while a job isn't the type women want and won't lead to a job they like. however i can't go back in time and pick a different path, so my future both love and life seems quite bleak.

I hope your degrees lead you to jobs. I can tell you it sucks when it doesn't but at least I'm not a medical doctor working at McDonald


Well, that's a completely different situation. I know the job market is really crazy right now and I would be completely understanding of someone who is unemployed but has a degree and is looking. I will be one of those people myself.
The competition in the job market is the reason why I want to go to graduate school so at least I have a leg up against other people looking for work with just a bachelor's.
My issue is only with women who are unemployed, don't have a degree and don't want to get a degree or have a job beyond minimum wage jobs, unless there's a medical reason for it.
I just want someone who will be working like me because while having a stay at home wife/girlfriend may work for a lot of people, it wouldn't work for me. The only way that could work is if she had a job that she did while at home or something like that.

I think it's true though that having a degree, while helps significantly, won't guarantee success in the real world. It's because there's so many other factors involved besides just getting the education down. It helps to have good social skills so you network either while at school or wherever you go, social skills help with people really liking you, people that are in positions to help you in the future (offer you a job, write a good letter of recommendation, be able to find a job for you through their network, etc).
Being unique and making unique achievements also helps significantly. Like winning an award in a novel you wrote, or starting a blog that's gained a lot of success, or writing and recording your own album thats gotten popular, etc. That achievement would put you above the thousands of other applicants with grades just as good as yours. Lots of people can have impeccable grades, but only a handful will have unique achievements.
Even volunteering for a year in a program like Peace Corps or AmeriCorps can put you ahead of the game. While in the program you can meet other voluntees or heads of the program and network with them... Etc.

There's a lot of ways to get ahead but it is hard these days. People just have to be willing to get out there and try these things, sometimes they pay off, sometimes they don't.
I just know that as soon as I move and start my new school I'm going to be networking like a mofo as soon as I get there. Not for future jobs but because I'm looking for people that are interested in making independent video games and have the skills to help with my pursuit in that regard.


what about women who have min wage job and just can't get a better one?

I never wanted to be stuck with one, but now i'll be lucky to get a min wage job, if i ever when the lottery i'll go back to school along with open a store. but its unlikely to happen and so i'm stuck :(



sly279
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20 Feb 2014, 7:03 pm

Jono wrote:

What kind of degree do you have? There are lot's of people with degrees who, for some reason or other, can't find work.


its in automotive technology, which for normal people who don't have sound problems and have huge social networks isn't hard to find work in. for me as a aspie its super impossible, i simply can't do the work. I haven't told my family so, cause I feel like such a failure :'(



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20 Feb 2014, 7:17 pm

sly279 wrote:

what about women who have min wage job and just can't get a better one?

I never wanted to be stuck with one, but now i'll be lucky to get a min wage job, if i ever when the lottery i'll go back to school along with open a store. but its unlikely to happen and so i'm stuck :(


That's why I said for women who have no desire to go to school, get a job or get beyond a minimum wage job unless for medical reasons.
So what that means basically is I don't mind a woman who has a minimum wage job because she can't find a better one or because of medical reasons.

Yeah, I don't really know what advice to give you. I would tell you to try to apply all over the country but moving doesn't seem like an option given your situation of having so much debt. I don't know. Being in debt is one of my biggest fears. I have two different savings accounts, (along with money invested in a mutual fund) and live frugaly so I can put money in them just because I'm so paranoid about finances.



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21 Feb 2014, 1:12 am

Well i messaged that lady, and she looked at my profile, but no response :( i don't get it, why did she like me in the do you want to meet him, part o.O



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21 Feb 2014, 4:09 am

could someone take a look at my profiles tell me where im going wrong
okc:lankychealsea
pof:lankyfella95



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21 Feb 2014, 4:26 am

Do you mean "lankychelsea"? If so, I have a few suggestions. But this is sly279's thread, perhaps start your own unless he doesn't mind?



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21 Feb 2014, 6:30 am

sly279 wrote:

i don't avoid all kinds of physical activity, i love walks/hikes, I enjoy swimming, and i really liked airsoft. I would love to do backpack camping(though its dangerous) I don't like sports never have, i find them all boring. except for i guess airsoft. I did track and field for a while in middle/high school. Foot ball people wanted me a lot cause of my size and height lol.

that being said those athletic types tend to want people who run a lot and look thin, which i don't.

walking alone tends to cause me depression, back when i did it before all the anxiety


But if you like Walks/hikes, I really do not understand what is keeping you from visting your friend, that you mention to not visit anymore because of him now living 7 miles from you, and its now "too expensive"?

That were the words, that were bothering me. 7 miles i a distance, that I dont even think about, if I have the time.



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22 Feb 2014, 1:37 am

Schneekugel wrote:
sly279 wrote:

i don't avoid all kinds of physical activity, i love walks/hikes, I enjoy swimming, and i really liked airsoft. I would love to do backpack camping(though its dangerous) I don't like sports never have, i find them all boring. except for i guess airsoft. I did track and field for a while in middle/high school. Foot ball people wanted me a lot cause of my size and height lol.

that being said those athletic types tend to want people who run a lot and look thin, which i don't.

walking alone tends to cause me depression, back when i did it before all the anxiety


But if you like Walks/hikes, I really do not understand what is keeping you from visting your friend, that you mention to not visit anymore because of him now living 7 miles from you, and its now "too expensive"?

That were the words, that were bothering me. 7 miles i a distance, that I dont even think about, if I have the time.


cause I can't do hikes alone, also that's like 4 hours there and 4 hours back, theres no where to use the bathroom on the way, i'll be so tired after getting there i won't be able to walk back. I do more of short hikes then super long ones now a days if i do them at all. Hes in far better shape and he won't do it.

the axniety and mental block is so much that I can't even walk the mile down to the store in back. I drive to cheaper store 5 miles away every 2 weeks to get food.



Aspie19828
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23 Feb 2014, 11:01 am

Talk yourself up. Remove any negative comments about yourself. You should claim interesting hobbies/interests and mention that you run your own business. No real need to be specific when you say you run your own business.