Is it cheating?

Post Reply New Topic

the OP will learn that sociopaths can be very attractive yet destructive as all get out.

The success rate for many things aren't high yet those who succeed take that risk in the first place to make it a reality, day trading has a 20% success rate, real estate sales have an even lower success rate of 14%. Many marriages fail, many self employed businesses fail in the first year, many civilizations rise and fall but you have to be in the game to win the game. You won't win sitting on the sidelines instead of venturing what can be gained..

It's the way of the world we live in, another gains at the loss of another. How others should live is a matter of perspective. everyone is biased and everyone believes they are right, I know the world we live in. It's a cynical perspective but true...

How others should live is a matter of perspective, everyone is biased and everyone believes they are right. People have obligations and duties but are they our choices? Is what we believe just something pushed on to us by the best person who can sell it? Many people end up marriages not of their own design or choice because of obligations forced on them. Liberation or fulfillment doesn't always come from serving your duties and obligations..

No, it's called being a homewrecker.

How do you know if someone is truly fulfilled? truly liberated? How do you know they aren't stuck in a situation of circumstance, pressure or simply fallen in something they never first intended to be in. Many people make wrong investments, make wrong choices or simply feel obligated due to tradition, circumstances and pressure. Why are all these people on websites like Ashley Madison? People aren't fulfilled with the current traditions of marriage.

there are such things as loyalty and honor, though I understand that in this day and age those are quaint notions. the golden rule will never be superseded, however. nothing is preventing the female in this picture from doing the right thing and formally breaking it off with her SO rather than cynically stringing him along.

It's not my opinion. It's what people call people who do that.

In my opinion, if you want to cheat, get divorced as you obviously aren't satisfied.

OK, so so far we know you really, really like how things are going on - that seemed to be your first line of defence, as though it would make you a better person than if you were only reluctantly sleeping with a 'taken' woman. You have a beautiful soul, drawn not just to her body but to the connection, she makes you feel wonderful, a profound connection, there's only emptiness without her, blah blah blah. None of this makes any difference as to the wrongness of your actions.

Now you're comparing this great love to day trading(!), talking about gains and losses (again, in the passive voice), and marital fulfillment. If someone does something wrong - does you a wrong - and, in justification, points to other people doing said wrong, would that make it ok? "Yeah, I mugged you, but do you know how many people get mugged in this city every day?". All this talk of gains and losses and risks - would you be so sanguine five years down the line, when you find out your SO has been seeing someone else?

If this woman is married, she will have made certain vows. If not, there will clearly be implicit ones. That's how it works. All the same, she's off jumping your bones whilst her SO is oblivious. If she no longer intends to keep to those vows, she should let her SO know.

Your rationalisations, as well as the very fact of your posting here, show you are troubled by this. Good. You should be. It's wrong. Stop rationalising and trying to justify, stop using the passive voice/abstractions to describe your actions and face up to what you're doing, and what that says about you. If you don't like what it says, change it.

Do the 'decent' thing: get her to leave her SO and have a clear, proper, out-in-the-open relationship with you. If you're right, this shouldn't be a problem. The love you have for each other is so pure and strong, her relationship with her SO is clearly falling apart and would have soon come to an end with or without your intervention, so make a proper go of it.

Or, better yet, walk away. This will come to no good. It's a rush at the moment, and it'll go on being so for a bit yet. Whilst you're caught up in the heat of the f*****g (and the plans/preperations/yearnings for such), you can tell each other and yourselves how special it is, oh if only she weren't 'taken', if only you could really and freely spend time together, and other such BS. Relationships like this are based on their very impossibility. It's where they draw their tension and intensity from. See, it's not just that you're sleeping with a woman who is 'taken', her SO perhaps oblivious, perhaps starting to pick up on certain signs - it's that the existence of the relationship entirely depends on her being taken, on her having a SO. Properly together, actually facing each other and not a romantic idealisation, the grind of the real, it'll fall apart.

Walk away, and maybe let her SO know. If he's a terrible man, she shouldn't be with him. If he's actually decent enough, he shouldn't be with her.

Anything else is cheap cowardice.

^^Marvelously well said.

that's not cuckolding.

am I the only one who thinks cuckolding is not what the dictionary says but the porno definition


then they should do the decent thing and split up rather than look for something better, those types of people aren't likely to be faithful surely? How do you know this person isn't just using the 3rd party for an escape

I could never cheat on someone just because it's a really terrible thing to do.
I certainly wouldn't date someone who had been known to be unfaithful in the past either as nothing is stopping them from doing it again, I don't care what the circumstances were there is no excuse imo.

When me and my ex split we lived together for almost a year before I moved out and we're still good friends now which imo is how it should be, obviously this can't always be the case but if you are both mature adults and neither person did anything unfaithful or to brake the trust then I don't see why it's not possible.

if something isn't working then you tell your partner and either work on it or decide it's time for the shared journey to end and do the mature thing! don't be a **** show people the respect they deserve

It sounds like you are saying: it is OK to engage in morally wrong behavior as long as I come out ahead. Well, I suppose it is true that many people think that way. Thankfully, the majority do not.

Ultimately, each individual needs to define their own personal moral compass. Where we draw our own line on right and wrong. You should really think about where your line is.

- Is lying OK
- Is cheating OK
- Is stealing OK
- Is adultery OK
- …
- Is killing OK

And what type of behavior are you willing to engage in (and rationalize) for your own personal gain.

it seems the OP's stated moral calculus could justify each of those. I am afraid he has some karma in front of him.

Well OP, you had been warned by many people in here, and many people have told you what the possible consequences will be. I hope you're able to deal with the responsibility of the decisions you make, and I would hope for the girl's sake, she is too.

I ask you to keep in mind now another thing I have learned in my experience:
Men aren't as forgiving as women are when it comes to cheating and extra-marital affairs. The reason why is because men are usually more proud than women are.

the OP needs to know that a jealous and cuckolded man can be a dangerous thing.

Are two heads better than one??

let's just say for this one, two heads are better than NONE. one head is not just, there must be two or bust.