Board index › Coping in life › Love and Dating

Being Creepy

Page 4 of 4 [ 57 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1, 2, 3, 4

Previous topic | Next topic

hale_bopp
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 2 Nov 2004
Gender: Female
Posts: 17,054
Location: None

19 May 2014, 7:04 pm

SoftwareEngineer wrote:
hale_bopp wrote:
As to what I said, it was something about "after a while of watching you" I know that sounds really creepy but it wasn't meant in a creepy or stalkerish way. I just tend to observe people a lot.

Trust me the way I worded it was way creepier than that I just don't remember how it was worded. I thought it would sound funny if anything but *cringe*


Many autistics have either an avoidant gaze or direct-eye gaze. Are you comfortable with someone looking directly into your eyes? And, do you tend to look directly into people's eyes? I'm wondering if that is a factor in his reaction.

I have the direct-eye gaze. And, I've had some trouble with people who feel I'm creepy trying to justify their feeling. Those people attempt to project their feeling onto others. So, even if you did something a bit open to interpretation, you are not responsible for his interpretation.

Also, if you are the sort of autistic who is very right-sided, you will normally observe and analyze things. I'm that way, which helped a lot in software engineering. I observe people for several reasons, including the natural right-sided tendency to observe, group dynamics have a great affect on any situation, and I've learned through hard experience that I must know what is going on around me.


What are you talking about? I don't "stare" at anyone, and the other people here don't have aspergers.



SoftwareEngineer
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 8 Apr 2014
Age: 69
Gender: Male
Posts: 578
Location: Tonopah, AZ, USA

19 May 2014, 10:03 pm

hale_bopp wrote:
SoftwareEngineer wrote:
hale_bopp wrote:
As to what I said, it was something about "after a while of watching you" I know that sounds really creepy but it wasn't meant in a creepy or stalkerish way. I just tend to observe people a lot.

Trust me the way I worded it was way creepier than that I just don't remember how it was worded. I thought it would sound funny if anything but *cringe*


Many autistics have either an avoidant gaze or direct-eye gaze. Are you comfortable with someone looking directly into your eyes? And, do you tend to look directly into people's eyes? I'm wondering if that is a factor in his reaction.

I have the direct-eye gaze. And, I've had some trouble with people who feel I'm creepy trying to justify their feeling. Those people attempt to project their feeling onto others. So, even if you did something a bit open to interpretation, you are not responsible for his interpretation.

Also, if you are the sort of autistic who is very right-sided, you will normally observe and analyze things. I'm that way, which helped a lot in software engineering. I observe people for several reasons, including the natural right-sided tendency to observe, group dynamics have a great affect on any situation, and I've learned through hard experience that I must know what is going on around me.


What are you talking about? I don't "stare" at anyone, and the other people here don't have aspergers.


A very common characteristic of Asperger's is avoidant gaze and a less common characteristic is the direct-eye gaze. I have the direct-eye gaze and had no idea until I started reading up on Asperger's and taking the self-evaluations. NTs give non-verbal queues when the start to get uncomfortable and, if you miss the queue and keep looking, they think you are staring at them. Since tolerance and preference varies from one person to another, one might think you are staring while another does not.



hale_bopp
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 2 Nov 2004
Gender: Female
Posts: 17,054
Location: None

20 May 2014, 3:30 am

SoftwareEngineer wrote:
hale_bopp wrote:
SoftwareEngineer wrote:
hale_bopp wrote:
As to what I said, it was something about "after a while of watching you" I know that sounds really creepy but it wasn't meant in a creepy or stalkerish way. I just tend to observe people a lot.

Trust me the way I worded it was way creepier than that I just don't remember how it was worded. I thought it would sound funny if anything but *cringe*


Many autistics have either an avoidant gaze or direct-eye gaze. Are you comfortable with someone looking directly into your eyes? And, do you tend to look directly into people's eyes? I'm wondering if that is a factor in his reaction.

I have the direct-eye gaze. And, I've had some trouble with people who feel I'm creepy trying to justify their feeling. Those people attempt to project their feeling onto others. So, even if you did something a bit open to interpretation, you are not responsible for his interpretation.

Also, if you are the sort of autistic who is very right-sided, you will normally observe and analyze things. I'm that way, which helped a lot in software engineering. I observe people for several reasons, including the natural right-sided tendency to observe, group dynamics have a great affect on any situation, and I've learned through hard experience that I must know what is going on around me.


What are you talking about? I don't "stare" at anyone, and the other people here don't have aspergers.


A very common characteristic of Asperger's is avoidant gaze and a less common characteristic is the direct-eye gaze. I have the direct-eye gaze and had no idea until I started reading up on Asperger's and taking the self-evaluations. NTs give non-verbal queues when the start to get uncomfortable and, if you miss the queue and keep looking, they think you are staring at them. Since tolerance and preference varies from one person to another, one might think you are staring while another does not.


That's cute.

I don't do that.



886
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 15 Jan 2008
Gender: Male
Posts: 6,664
Location: SLC, Utah

20 May 2014, 7:30 am

Is this a nice guys thread yet? I'm too tired to read all the replies.


_________________
If Jesus died for my sins, then I should sin as much as possible, so he didn't die for nothing.


marshall
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 14 Apr 2007
Gender: Male
Posts: 10,752
Location: Turkey

20 May 2014, 4:30 pm

What you said isn't a big deal. NT's say awkward things too. It's just that when you're on the receiving end of NT comments that make you feel uncomfortable, you tend to think it's your problem, not that they're actually more at fault for making you uncomfortable. Either way it goes, you probably blame yourself. It's something I noticed with myself. I'm always more focused on what I possibly did wrong than taking the entire situation into account.

In reality he would probably find your comment funny if he already saw you as his "buddy". People have double standards based on whether they already like you or not. They probably think you're cold or arrogant or something, for not being social enough in the past. Sexism might play into it too, sadly, if they think you're attractive. Sounds like he's a douchebag.



Giftorcurse
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 13 Apr 2009
Age: 31
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,887
Location: Port Royal, South Carolina

20 May 2014, 4:37 pm

Every girl I know is a piece of s**t. I have my reasons for being a dick.


_________________
Yes, I'm still alive.


hale_bopp
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 2 Nov 2004
Gender: Female
Posts: 17,054
Location: None

20 May 2014, 8:53 pm

Giftorcurse wrote:
Every girl I know is a piece of sh**. I have my reasons for being a dick.


Is it your objective today to go into every thread and say that? It has nothing to do with this thread.



cubedemon6073
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 7 Nov 2008
Age: 45
Gender: Male
Posts: 4,958

20 May 2014, 10:34 pm

Giftorcurse wrote:
Every girl I know is a piece of sh**. I have my reasons for being a dick.


Wow Dude! Just Wow! :roll:

Do two wrongs make a right?



AspieOtaku
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 17 Feb 2012
Age: 42
Gender: Male
Posts: 13,051
Location: San Jose

21 May 2014, 11:27 am

Do you creep guys out? I don't find you creepy but then again im another aspie some people I guess i kinda creep out but to most they find me more weird and immature than creepy.


_________________
Your Aspie score is 193 of 200
Your neurotypical score is 40 of 200
You are very likely an aspie
No matter where I go I will always be a Gaijin even at home. Like Anime? https://kissanime.to/AnimeList