Ever wonder if you'll find someone?

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I don't think there was any option like that for AspergianMutantt

Sorry Marshall, I didn't realise that you were in such a bad place. I can see how my advice seems trite and meaningless after years of being told the same thing over and over. I didn't realise you'd been ill for so long.

Sorry for just blundering in with ideas that were not appropriate. I just wanted to try and help because you seemed so down and I've been through some really rough periods in my life and can commiserate.

A big cyber hug is all I can offer.

I know alot of us have been discussing the dangers of feeling entitled to a relationship, but can I stress the need to find a balance. It's good to have an understanding that the world doesn't revolve around us a a sole individual, but that doesn't mean that we should swing completely in the other direction and brand ourselves as completely useless.

You have worth as a human being. If you focus on ybuilding on your current strengths and growing as an individual you can bring something of value to a relationhip.

You may not feel that you are in the right frame of mind now, but by focussing on the positives and building on them you can find self worth.

Balance is appreciating your good points, but not so much that you become arrogant and think that the world owes you something.

I'm just editing this to add that maybe in reality none of us will find a significant other, but it isn't because we don't "deserve" someone or that we are impossible to love.

Have you tried marijuana? It works wonders for my feelings of isolation.

As for the question, I guess I haven't given up on the idea although I find it unlikely.

Smoking marijuana alone isn't always fun I wish I could provide you company and we can both smoke marijuana together!

Understood, I apologize for overreacting.


I'm not sure I'm truly a bottomless pit. I really feel I could heal if things were different. I just have trouble picturing the solution. It's agonizingly frustrating. In college I had friends I hung out with and we ate together every day. I was okay at that time. The loneliness starts when I attempt to move out on my own. It's like slowly losing traction on a hill. I start out with some momentum when I'm busy with things, but slowly something creeps up on me, and the "neediness" builds and builds. I run out of steam on work/school/special interests and then don't have much to fall back on. Having to plan outings and drive somewhere to meet friends in public has some exhausting effect on me such that when I'm under stress I just can't do it anymore. That's what happened in graduate school. At first I went out to parties I was invited to, but once the pressure and stress built up, I could no longer do that. It was too much effort and energy, and there was little feeling of connection. It's the worst in the winter months when the days are short. It's like the gloom just closes in on me. I start finding it harder and harder to get out of bed in the morning. If I'm working I'll start showing up late or missing work, and this only increased the dread and darkness I feel. I feel like a raw nerve and the sound of the traffic going by puts a knot in my chest. I get so anxious I start feeling rage.


It seems physical health issue is always treated differently from a "mental" health issue. In reality, my "mental" issues have physical components. I feel tired. I get aches. I feel light-headed. My body trembles. I feel nauseous. I get brain fog where it's hard to socialize because I can barely focus. I get forgetful. I'm sometimes very quiet and don't have the energy to crack jokes or liven people's spirits. It's hard to find people who don't have a problem with this.


What is it about neediness that scares you? Is it fear of having to hurt them if they get too attached before you've made up your mind? Or is it that you think you won't be able to give them what they need?

As for learning to enjoy being by myself, I can be by myself for a time. I just can't be by myself all the time. I need some kind of low-key interaction that's more intimate. Meeting in public doesn't really do it because my anxiety gets in the way and I find it hard to feel connected. I need some kind of quiet private company. NT's really do not understand the lack of connection I feel in noisy public places.

Understood, I apologize for overreacting.


I'm not sure I'm truly a bottomless pit. I really feel I could heal if things were different. I just have trouble picturing the solution. It's agonizingly frustrating. In college I had friends I hung out with and we ate together every day. I was okay at that time. The loneliness starts when I attempt to move out on my own. It's like slowly losing traction on a hill. I start out with some momentum when I'm busy with things, but slowly something creeps up on me, and the "neediness" builds and builds. I run out of steam on work/school/special interests and then don't have much to fall back on. Having to plan outings and drive somewhere to meet friends in public has some exhausting effect on me such that when I'm under stress I just can't do it anymore. That's what happened in graduate school. At first I went out to parties I was invited to, but once the pressure and stress built up, I could no longer do that. It was too much effort and energy, and there was little feeling of connection. It's the worst in the winter months when the days are short. It's like the gloom just closes in on me. I start finding it harder and harder to get out of bed in the morning. If I'm working I'll start showing up late or missing work, and this only increased the dread and darkness I feel. I feel like a raw nerve and the sound of the traffic going by puts a knot in my chest. I get so anxious I start feeling rage.


It seems physical health issue is always treated differently from a "mental" health issue. In reality, my "mental" issues have physical components. I feel tired. I get aches. I feel light-headed. My body trembles. I feel nauseous. I get brain fog where it's hard to socialize because I can barely focus. I get forgetful. I'm sometimes very quiet and don't have the energy to crack jokes or liven people's spirits. It's hard to find people who don't have a problem with this.


What is it about neediness that scares you? Is it fear of having to hurt them if they get too attached before you've made up your mind? Or is it that you think you won't be able to give them what they need?

As for learning to enjoy being by myself, I can be by myself for a time. I just can't be by myself all the time. I need some kind of low-key interaction that's more intimate. Meeting in public doesn't really do it because my anxiety gets in the way and I find it hard to feel connected. I need some kind of quiet private company. NT's really do not understand the lack of connection I feel in noisy public places.

Sorry. I get emotionally unstable at times and I was in a particularly low place yesterday. I'm in the process of changing medications and experiencing all kinds of nasty effects, so I'm physically under the weather as well. I think I need to take a break from this forum. It gets to be so triggering when I'm already not feeling well.

from reading stuff on here and other sites along with advice from past friends and thoughts on past love attempts. It seems that is what I have to do. make this false ideal of being very independent not caring about her much in order to find and keep a gf. the other stuff is just needy. I have silly romantic ideals that i must fight to destroy, such things as a pink rose on a first date, complimenting her, sharing too much, showing emotions, wanting to be around her/enjoying her company, kiss on the hand. I have a strong desire to hug and cuddle too that are bad. I must strive to not be me for as long as possible then i'll lose her, but maybe I'll manage to truly change. idk.

the opposite of distant is considered needy, compliments considered sexist and unwanted. I kinda like compliments so this confuses me, but oh well.

when I've had almost relationships, I was also told don't text her , wait days or preferable wait for her to text, don't seem too interested. you're needy for wanting regulatory contact instead of hear from them now then might go 3 weeks to 3 months before the next.

I stopped bringing a rose/flower, I going to work on what i listed and some others, to fix myself. I do fear it might make it worst but at the same time its what I've been told and being romantic while considered sweet is also considered needy and hasn't seemed to work.

so much stuff been told to me and it all seems to counter each other I'm not sure what to do but this seems to been the over all suggested stuff.

from reading stuff on here and other sites along with advice from past friends and thoughts on past love attempts. It seems that is what I have to do. make this false ideal of being very independent not caring about her much in order to find and keep a gf. the other stuff is just needy.

I have silly romantic ideals that i must fight to destroy, such things as a pink rose on a first date, complimenting her, sharing too much, showing emotions, wanting to be around her/enjoying her company, kiss on the hand. I have a strong desire to hug and cuddle too that are bad. I must strive to not be me for as long as possible then i'll lose her, but maybe I'll manage to truly change. idk.

the opposite of distant is considered needy, compliments considered sexist and unwanted. I kinda like compliments so this confuses me, but oh well.

I stopped bringing a rose/flower, I going to work on what i listed and some others, to fix myself. I do fear it might make it worst but at the same time its what I've been told and being romantic while considered sweet is also considered needy and hasn't seemed to work.

so much stuff been told to me and it all seems to counter each other I'm not sure what to do but this seems to been the over all suggested stuff.

I'm sick of hearing antidepressants working for others. I'm on antidepressants. Been on them my whole life. I'm on the highest prescribed dose. I think I've been on the damn things for so many years my body no longer produces whatever I need to feel happy naturally. The drugs probably ruined my brain worse than it was to begin with. I don't know anyone in the world as f**** as I am. Nobody. I'm untouchable. Frankly I don't really want to hear advice anymore. The "learn to be happy alone" sh** keeps triggering me something fierce. HUMAN BEINGS ARE NOT f***ing MEANT TO BE ALONE. WE ARE SOCIAL ANIMALS. WE LIVE IN AN UNNATURAL SOCIETY. I think I need to leave this forum. I don't know if I'm going to make it. It truly is stark.

I'm on my phone so I can't break everything out carefully, or address it all, but it does sound like you may have some general health issues to address, and I am sorry to hear that. You are describing a lot of what I currently feel on a day to day basis but the difference is I already have a family infrastructure in place. For myself, I've crossed the obvious causes off the list and am now working on diet (specific foods) and exercise.

College would have been easier because you are likely to be surrounded by more like minds living and working together. It is kind of magical that way. Few life phases make socializing so easy; I miss the ones that do. I don't always have the drive to step out of my own little routine and create a social life (but I realize it is miles easier for me because I do have the husband).

The feeling when you are around someone projecting the need I described is not fear, it is more like you are being swallowed into a pit you can never climb out of. It is knowing that they need something you are not equipped to provide, so there is no where to go but down with them. There is just no point to it; no one gets what they really want or need. Somehow you just know that.