Hugs to all the ladies being mistreated on WP!

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The way you worded it is ambiguous as to whether or not you find being slightly overweight to be a bad thing but still stay with him...or love him just the way he is, even though lots of people would consider him less desirable as a result of being overweight.

From what I know of you, however, it's probably the ladder.

I know plenty of women that say they have a lot of trouble dating overweight (or...another example of conventionally unattractive: short) guys. I think I worded it quite accurately and I didn't have bad intentions at all. If it doesn't come across well with someone there is still no reason to react in such a hostile manner.

I wonder what Cafeaulait looks like.

I would prefer to see him a bit slimmer of I had the choice, yes (Maybe he would like me to have bigger boobs, or a flatter belly too, lol). But I like him more than enough for how he is now and I often tickle his tummy.

I took Maerlyn138's comment as childish name calling from a likely MRA or PUA.

I just feel that a statement like that is teetering on the edge of a very slippery slope, it blurs the lines on what should be and what shouldn't be allowed to be said on a public forum. I had to re-write this about 9 times because the first few reply's I drafted were exaggerated strawman arguments and likely would have ended up in me being labeled as a misogynist etc.

There were many posters in different threads who (rightly so) were trying to fight against the sweeping statements made by males against females and personally I don't think that the opposite should be allowed to be made unchecked either. This is not from a "MRA" point of view but really someone who has always striven for equality. I also don't think that anyone would have reacted at all if you had added in a personal flaw of yours that you think your boyfriend would like to see changed, or would there have been any reaction if you simply omitted the overweight remark in the first place...

But why is it relevant if I admit that I have a personal flaw or not? Even if I was a bikini model I still should have been able to make that comment without getting attacked. And why can I not add in the overweight section? The word 'overweight' could have been replaced with anything conventionally unattractive. Don't see what the fuss is here. I also don't get why the whole equality thing is brought up here... I really don't see what it has to do with my comment. I know that plenty of men like girls with bigger boobs than I have and that's OK with me... I am quite conventionally attractive but I am no where near a victoria's secret model and that's OK with me. I'm glad that people love me and that I am healthy and that I have a boyfriend that thinks I'm wonderful and gorgeous.

In my oppinion, this topic is a perfect example of where this whole gender equality thing is going wrong: Men should not be forced to be apologetic all the time, and women should not be forced into a position where they have to justify themselves for having standards or for celebrating their own sexuality. Men are not constantly culprits towards women, and women are not always victimized. Likewise, men are not entitled to female attention of any and all colour just because they consider themselves to be, and women should be open and honest about their intentions and not "hide" their sexual identity behind stereotypes. Most beauty standards are simply that: standardized views that don't say much for the individual, and by comparing yourselves to them, you become part of the picture.

I do feel offended when someone feels the need to "appologize on my behalf" because we belong to a certain group. You can speak for others if you have been empowered to do so, if you have not been, speak for yourself.

Us people with AS, we need to take everything with a pinch of salt, so don't weigh in every word somebody says, especially with women. Women are by their very nature more subtle and delicate when it comes to social interaction - some more, some less, but that is how our "hardware" ships. It is one of my bigger mysteries I am training to solve, how to tell genuine female interest apart from just being a decent human being. But guess what: that is something all men have issues with. Likewise, I find that women sometimes fail to understand that men do feel insecure about themselves, and especially in situations where they are not comfortable with. So being more precise about what you want would be the way to go, and this doubles for men who are on the spectrum. I have made the experience that I can be quite charming and courtous if men and women alike tell me exactly what they expect me to do. As I have stated here, I entertain that our liberal soceity puts up the same amount of challenges for men as it does for women, just not in the same area. As I am professionally involed with the law, at least in Europe, there is an alarming trend in penal law when it comes to gender-based crime, sexual-assault, rape and domestic violence, that is. It is proven that once you get charged with sexual assault as a man, chances are high you will be found guilty. At the same time, the amount of men being wrongfully accused has increased dramatically. A similar picture arises when you look at domestic violence. An increasing number of men becomes victim of domestic violence, and one of the reasons they "don't man up and fight back" is that women know that their status as the "weaker sex" works in their favour, they simply have to proclaim: "If you fight back, I will claim you hit me first. Go ahead, nobody will believe you." A final example comes from family law. A acquiantance of mine is a divorce and right of custoy attorney. In the latter case, you wouldn't believe how often female clienst suggest that if it would help their case of getting child custody, they would be willing to testify that their former partner has touched their child "funny" or "weird" when bathing the kid. I am not trying to turn the tables on the whole feminism issue, but my insight on some of these processes as indeed opened my eyes that the whole is slowly backfiring into an increasing number of women who make immoral use of their sexuality to get what they want. Simply because they know the odds are in their favor due to constant victimization.

Well? I have attepted suicide in the past 3 times third time nearly successful so yeah!If someone wants to crucify me then bring it on! Ill be fighting till my last breath! I just want this hate to stop!

I knew that I should have stopped after reading this part. Tears are streaming down my face, just thinking about AO being forced, forced to apologize.



How about you go ahead and, starting from here, cite some sources for each of your ridiculous assertions that follow?

For the record nobody is forcing me to apologize my conscience and my heart tell me its the right thing to do.

Bribed with sexual favors?

..but nope. Just my gut feeling something just isn't quite right and something has to be done. I don't take bribes either not even with sex I just feel compelled on just wanting to do the right thing for once.

I think what Cafeaulait said was mean as well. "Even though he's overweight" implies that being overweight is a fault. If a man had said that, it wouldn't be given so much leeway (although unfortunately on this forum it tends to).

in her defense though I dont think she was intending to be mean when she said that the message I got was she loves him even if he might be slightly over weight and thus debunking that women don't date men overweight or any other flaws she has a much deeper connection to him.

....

Last edited by The_Face_of_Boo on 31 May 2014, 2:17 am, edited 1 time in total.