If you are single are you happy being that way?

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here we go again. me launching in to a defense.

she loves me for reasons that i do not know, and i can not have the brutality to refute her affection.
i have been with her for 10 years. she locked onto me. i am glad that someone is non judgmental, but that simple gladness in me makes you think it is a goal i aspire to in a dishonest way? you seem a bit "man hating" to me.

i do not have sex with her and she wants very badly for me to be attracted to her physically.

i have no desires that require other people to satisfy, so you are wrong in considering me to be "predatory".

i am off to bed now as it is 1:10 am and i have to attend a "meeting" tomorrow at 11am.
so i will not respond soon to anything posted on this site.

If she loves you, but you truly don't love her, then refuting her affection would be an act of mercy, imho, not brutality. She deserves someone who can love her the way she wants and needs to be loved.

No, I don't hate men. I *do* hate liars and manipulators, however.

I just finished with a relationship, so yeah I'm currently single. Hate it, I miss the comfort of a girlfriend.

Single, and for the first time in my life, happy that way. I'm actually afraid that whatever medication I end up on will cause me to take an interest in dating again. And then I'll have to stop taking it. Because no, thanks. I've had it with all that madness. I'm too old, too tired, and too set in my ways.

It's neutral. There are positives and negatives in everything and being single is no different. I must admit, I've been single my entire life so I wouldn't know what it's like to have someone. Nevertheless, I do know that being single gives you complete freedom and it gives you time to focus on yourself. It's nice to be able to do whatever you want and that's something I really like. However, I do know that being alone can make me unhappy at times and lonely and it would be nice to have a wonderful girl that I really like around once in a while but in the end, I'm not exactly happy. I'm just use to my way of life of solitude.

I'm feeling ambivalent about being single. I have been my whole life. I want to have someone special in my life, and at the same time I don't.


Being single means avoiding the headache and drama that can come from being in a relationship, and having more time for yourself. But being alone sometimes means wishing you had someone to love.

It's the complete and utter lack of any physical affection whatsoever that's so excruciating for me...

no

unfortunately being single is all ive ever known, and all i ever will know. what ya gonna do?

This basically sums me up.

Second That.........

i never said i did not love her. she loves me romantically and i love her as a friend.





so you say i should cut her off and chop her out of my life and leave her stranded like she was before i met her?

before i met her she never had a friend. no one took her seriously. her mother and father were the only people who cared for her.
we sleep together and she cuddles me and i listen to how she feels and i talk in a way she can understand and she feels very secure.
you want me to say "you're a helpless person so i want nothing to do with you"?

you are hasty and incorrect to assume that my relationship with her is a loveless "taking advantage of her" by me.

i get nothing but her companionship in return for all i give her and it is enough for me.




you are correct. she does deserve someone better than me.
she goes to a "pioneer" clubhouse nearly every day and there are about 50 people that go there including boys. i encourage her to meet those boys and get to know them.

i tell her that if she wants to go with someone else then that is ok with me, because i am aware i am insufficient and incomplete as a "lover", and i will not withdraw my love of her because she has to find physical satisfaction.
if she needs me i will always be here.
but she is not interested in any of them at all. she likes to come here and we have what she considers much fun. she feels safe and warm with me and that also makes me feel happy to see her sleeping contentedly.
she has a very empty life except for me and her family.

she weighed 120kg (264 lbs (18.6 stone)) when i met her 10 years ago, and she stayed that weight up until she got a gastric band operation in january this year, and she is now 100kg (220 lbs (15.7 stone)).
i never considered her weight as a limiting factor in my liking of her.

so maybe as you suggest i should just boot her out to the wild world.



oh well i am unsure if you are calling me a liar and a manipulator.

if you are:
what have i lied about?
what have i manipulated?

i have bought her mobile phones and tv's and stereos and karaoke systems and rings and lava lamps and electric blankets and all manner of things that she wants.

i just feel that i am so lucky to earn good money and be happy with my lot, and she is so poor and she is usually unhappy.

whatever. i just said all this to defend myself from public agreement with your post.

i am sick of having to think of ways to absolve my percieved nastiness on this site.

i am considered a racist bigot and a homophobe and a sociopath just in the past week.
now i am a lying and manipulating predator.

well i do not know how i gained my reputation for squalidness of spirit on this site but i will plow on until i grind to a halt in the face of resistance and protest. (or until i am banned without explanation as is the usual manner of my departure).

i could post a sound file of me and tammy interacting, but i do not want to put it on my soundclick page because it sould seem strange to people who did not read this thread (which is everyone that would listen to it).

people like you are all around in my world and that is why i like to stay home and be by myself.

Actually it sounds like Tammy's life is better with you in it than without you. It isn't entirely what she wants. It isn't entirely what you want. But people often have to meet each other half way. Would she find Mr. Right, her dream lover if she didn't spend time with you? Probably not, from your desription. So it sounds to me like two people helping each other get by in this cold world and that's a good thing.

I'm pretty content with being single. it's an easy life to lead.

that is very true (about the meeting 1/2 way).
i am not sure her life is "better with me in it", but it is what she desires very much.

her sister who is devoid of any handicaps rang me up and demanded to know who i was and what my intentions were for tammy.
i did not handle her questions well and she advised me urgently to forget about tammy.
she did not like the sound of my voice and did not trust my motives for knowing tammy.

other people also told me that tammy is not as smart as me and i can do "better" than her.
when i heard that, i realized how little people appreciated who she was, and i became even more attached to her, but i decided to try to let her go.

when she rang one night i said :

me:well tammy.... i think i have to end it now because you are barking up the wrong tree with me.
tammy: what?!?!?
me: i can not ring you any more and you can not ring me because we must move on.
tammy: you can't be serious?!?!

anyway, i maintained that stance until we hung up because i was following external advice, and the next day she was in a mental hospital and she had had a major plunge into suicidal depression.

i went to her and told her that i did not mean any of it and i was just saying what her sister and others thought i should say because they thought they know you better, and i believed them begrudgingly.

tammy came out of her torpor and she became happy again.
i needed her to be happy and i will do whatever i can to make her happy.



i hope she finds Mr. Right.

i am not Mr. Wrong. i am Mr. Possibly

in tammy's context i am Mr. Forever.

Yes and no.

I wish I could share my life with someone romantically and platonically.

On the otherhand, everytime I tried getting into a relationship, it was too much of a job. I couldn't handle the people they'd invite over or keeping up with their concerns and emotions.

Selfish...maybe but I can only handle so much. Plus I like the freedom of being able to be me instead of having to constantly put on a visade to please the other person's ideal. Trouble with romantic relationships is they're mostly conditional and I sometimes confuse love over lust. I am not the best person to know how I'm suppose to act around a guy. Most guys in my experiences are so demanding or have such high ideals.

So I'd rather be single than with someone who makes me miserable.

Last edited by MissConstrue on 02 Sep 2009, 12:52 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Me too. I've always been single and have never known any different.

I'm happy enough with the situation at the moment, but I don't want to be single forever. Ideally I'd like to meet someone in the future who I can talk openly to and share life experiences with. I certainly don't want to grow old alone.

If a nice girl comes along and we just click, then great. If not, I guess it just wasn't meant to be.