Men suffer more emotional pain from failed romance

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All this stuff about "society demands"...I think those of you saying these things aren't paying very careful attention. Women take up with broke, ugly, not particularly talented or funny dudes every day of the week. Criminals, for god's sake. '02 Corolla drivers, non-job-havers. Guys who can't get it up. I don't think it's women telling you you have to be a rich musclebound dude with a swank car in order to get a date.

Please just google it as I am way computer challenged. Of those 96% who have been sexually abused, 40% have gone through it ten times or more. THAT is one reason I get upset that there are so many posts that women are being abused by sexists on the forum than just staight Autistics are being sexually abused.

After you google 96% of autistics sexually abused, you might consider googling autistics 28 times more likely to attempt suicide. And the rate of unemployment, that is all over the internet. And that is one more reason I come to the defense of anyone being attacked here, male or female.

And if I spend a night PMing with someone who is looking for a reason NOT to take their life, and the next day there are com
parisons between said person and a recent mass murderer,I'm going to come out swinging. Not like a man. Like a mother bear.
That is a nurturing mother thing. Not a male troll thing.

I am not having a good day. Thank you all for making it worse.

It is hard for guys. Largely because guys make it hard for other guys to exist as themselves.

I was talking about this stuff with the women's-center director the other day. It seems to me that one of the major results of the feminist movement that began in the 1960s is that there is now a tremendous multiplicity of ways in which it's fine to be a woman. There is no woman uniform. When I leave the house, no one's scandalized if I'm not wearing makeup and my legs aren't shaved. No social deaths occur if a bra strap shows. Pudgy girls are allowed to wear whatever the hell they want. Shave your head, knock yourself out. A woman can be a mother, or not; married, or not; straight, or not; sexual, or not; career-driven, or not; and we don't generally ostracize each other for these variations anymore outside "traditional" and largely religious-fundamentalist communities.

The same is not true for men. Whose fault is that? Well, that's a little complicated, I think. Obviously, if it's going to change -- if men are going to stop attacking and policing each other's masculinity, beating the sh** out of each other for not conforming -- men have to be the ones to make that change, and it has to be for some positive reason, rather than a "don't do that". But it's true that men have been caught flatfooted...okay, it's 50 years' worth of flatfootedness, now, but even so, women did have a positive reason to break out of a bad situation, and men haven't had a reason to do anything but react. And it does suck to be in the position of having to react. My friend explained it like this: to be a man is not to be a woman. (There's something to it. If you listen to boys' and men's insults for other boys and men, it's to do with being like girls and women.) But over the last few decades women shrugged and said "not playing" and just went wherever they pleased on the gender spectrum. Which left men with a problem, if "masculine" was going to mean "not feminine". So y'all have a choice between inventing something new (while freaking out about abandoning a rage-defended tiny little "THIS IS MALE" space), which would be cooperative and, by THIS IS MALE standards, pussylike, or...just carrying on beating the sh** out of each other, I suppose.

All this stuff about "society demands"...I think those of you saying these things aren't paying very careful attention. Women take up with broke, ugly, not particularly talented or funny dudes every day of the week. Criminals, for god's sake. '02 Corolla drivers, non-job-havers. Guys who can't get it up. I don't think it's women telling you you have to be a rich musclebound dude with a swank car in order to get a date.

I couldn't have said it better.

Even if the OP is true, I don't find it particularly helpful -- We having nothing to gain from knowing who suffers more, it's not a competition.

Acknowledging that there is pain inherent to failing relationships is important though! But even more so is the ability/resolve to not let it consume you, and yes that is hard at times.

I wonder that too. I wonder what has caused Vicky to feel so strongly about it.

...So, what has caused you to feel that way, Vicky?

I so agree. "Just get over it" are one of the cruelest combination of words.

This kind of "get over it" mentality is exactly the problem though. What about those who can't just "get over it" so easily when it comes to chronic loneliness and pain. It's as if it's not suffering enough to experience pain, on top of that you are wrong to experience it. It's as if you believe people willfully choose to experience something so painful. I've got news for you, they don't. Nobody in their right mind would. It's not a simple choice for everyone. People don't "let themselves" feel pain. They just feel it and have to find ways to cope somehow.

This isn't just a problem with men, many women seem to shun emotionality as well. Everyone promotes this atmosphere of fake plastic "positivity" that's only skin deep. It's the whole society we have. Everything is plastic and skin deep. There is no real happiness, but a social expectation that people hide and bottle up their feelings in order to put on a fake front, all for the sake of others. It doesn't matter what's boiling inside. As long as nobody notices your pain, you're fine and not a burden on them. The message is loud and clear. Don't you DARE be a burden on anyone! If you absolutely must, be sure to kill yourself quietly in some remote area where nobody has to see. What's inside doesn't matter, only what you display. That's what people really mean when they say "get over it". They mean "hide it all inside until you can't take it anymore". f**k no! That's dangerous!

This kind of "get over it" mentality is exactly the problem though. What about those who can't just "get over it" so easily when it comes to chronic loneliness and pain. It's as if it's not suffering enough to experience pain, on top of that you are wrong to experience it. It's as if you believe people willfully choose to experience something so painful. I've got news for you, they don't. Nobody in their right mind would. It's not a simple choice for everyone. People don't "let themselves" feel pain. They just feel it and have to find ways to cope somehow.

This isn't just a problem with men, many women seem to shun emotionality as well. Everyone promotes this atmosphere of fake plastic "positivity" that's only skin deep. It's the whole society we have. Everything is plastic and skin deep. There is no real happiness, but a social expectation that people hide and bottle up their feelings in order to put on a fake front, all for the sake of others. It doesn't matter what's boiling inside. As long as nobody notices your pain, you're fine and not a burden on them. The message is loud and clear. Don't you DARE be a burden on anyone! If you absolutely must, be sure to kill yourself quietly in some remote area where nobody has to see. What's inside doesn't matter, only what you display. That's what people really mean when they say "get over it". They mean "hide it all inside until you can't take it anymore". f**k no! That's dangerous!